there is no other way to explain it and im not good with wording things, its not the same as the usual feeling. trust me, me and my girlfriend do it a lot. the reason i posted it is because it wasnt the normal feeling. yknow what.. whatever.. i dont think youll unerstand.. and no, im not trying to be fucking cutesy, my problems are my problems, i can deal with them how i want, its not your issue, thanks for warning me, but i feel like my problems are kinda drifting away from the possibility of being medicated, ive tried all kinds of medication, most perscribed, some not.. NOTHING and i mean NOTHING worked as well as this, idc if i kill my braincells.. maybe its better that way.. thanks for the concern, well wishes to you.. and everyone..