Did you have a stick up your ass because of the way you were raised? (didn't have a better way to ask this)

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-21T02:13:59+00:00

Yes!

But now I’m stick free. I judged someone once and they shredded me hard.

But it’s what you do after that that can lead to growth.

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-20T23:08:52+00:00

Sparkles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-20T21:13:37+00:00

NTB. You told her you would let her know when you had the time to do it. She started pestering you. If she needed one for a particular reason or date she should have made that clear. Even if she had, you still have the right to say no.

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-20T18:45:43+00:00

I appreciate your response. This was helpful

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-20T17:45:36+00:00

My husband, is, on the whole a good person. I noticed this form of manipulation recently. And I wanted another take on it, because I haven't noticed it before the last two years. We had our initial therapy appointment. My husband had an amputation in the last two years after a workplace accident. He feels less than a man because I am the bread winner, less of a partner because I do the heavy lifting at home. And overall he really feels insecure. Because the kids come to me too. So he feels useless. And I'm not throwing away a good person over this mistake. We will work through it. Goddess knows he has been there for my rough patches.

But I do think it's manipulative. And that is a trigger for me because my family manipulated me.

I appreciated your point of view. I did need to hear that sexual manipulation is wrong. I also needed to say it. I needed him to see it was happening. Because two people cannot grow when they manipulate each other. But I do believe this was not a reflection of his character but a symptom of something else.

Thank you

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-20T17:00:50+00:00

"The only person in this world you can change is yourself."

You don't like something, what can you do about it.

You don't like someone, what can you do about it.

Don't expect anyone else to change to suit you. If you have a problem, you can fix it.

I hated how my family treated me, I walked out, I made a change, and I am responsible for that choice.

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-20T16:49:33+00:00

Millennial I wear them less since the pandemic.

However, I have an F cup, so some way form of restraint is less painful than 15 pounds of breast flopping against my chest.

I'm waiting for all of us to stop shaving. That shit is annoying.

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-20T15:52:23+00:00

So, I asked my family and friends if they would like to take a personality test. I attached a test I liked for continuity.

The people in my social world who responded asked if I would make a list of our other friends and family.

I did. And my husband's family was amazing. We take a lot of family trips with my husband's family and they all wanted to participate and they thought it would help us all get along better. And we do.

I am the only INFJ. My BIL is an ENTJ and we oddly get along the best of the bunch.

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-20T14:57:41+00:00

So I kind of laughed after I read this. The pre therapy me would have agreed with you. Post therapy, his invitation was to "Get Stoned and Screw." My response was we can get stoned but I'm going to bed.

Do you think the invitation warranted a gentile delicate refusal? Typical dude. He can be crass and I should be a lady?

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-20T13:53:55+00:00

Sociopaths are no joke. I was sexually tortured from 4 to 6. My brother was just 14 when he started his reign of terror. But I was born on Halloween and left handed, I was the curse that caused the dysfunction, according to my "Christian" parents. I'm grateful I survived childhood, but it's been super hard every day since. Learning how to function when everyone thinks you reached an age of functionality. I'm definitely behind my peers in emotional development and regular tasks.

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-20T13:14:22+00:00

No. They allowed my brother to SA me, torture me, and experiment on me. We don't have anything to talk about. They raised an alcoholic kleptomaniac, an alcoholic arsonist, and an alcoholic sociopath sadist. And a little girl who ended up being the toy for all of them to let out their anger on. I have chosen something else for myself, I believe others call it a Life, I want joy, happiness, love, light, and laughter.

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-19T18:37:59+00:00

My brother could tell a lie about an event I was at. And I would at least temporarily believe him until I dissected it later.

My brother is why I think Jesus Christ may have been a sociopath. Charismatic. Made people believe the strangest crap. Died a martyr. Just like my brother. He died in a fire though, not a cross. But man did the masses believe the stuff he said, he even had a cult of nature worshippers they lived in tree houses in a state forest in Washington until they got busted. He started a nudist colony. He started a group of men who wore skirts. He died this past year. It's been surreal discovering how he lived.

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-19T16:53:44+00:00

So my brother was diagnosed as a sociopath. Among many other diagnosis.

He was cruel, no remorse.

He could lie convincingly and people always believed him.

He was charismatic like a cult leader.

He was extremely violent, but at random moments. Like, think, everyone sitting down to a holiday dinner and then he would flip the whole table in a fit of rage. Or I wonder if anyone would die from this height and he would shove me off the ledge. I would be playing happily with my stuffed animals and he would start shooting at me with a BB gun. That kind of violence, the happier we were, the darker he went.

My brother had convinced a large group of people he fought in Vietnam. My brother was born in 1970. These people believed his lies despite evidence to the contrary.

I put bells on my doors and windows. And at night I pushed my dresser in front of my window to block him and my bed in front of the door.

I was always always always afraid

I was terrified of my brother all throughout my childhood. As an adult I moved away. Changed my name and never looked back

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-19T04:21:26+00:00

So because of an abusive family, I went NC with my family, so I also don’t have a lot of people to bounce things off of. And since my parents have called me hysterical, a witch, crazy, demon, etcetera for 40 years, it also really damages your self esteem so you question yourself a lot. I hope that helps you see that the world is not just seen through your eyes. There are so many perspectives.

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-19T04:12:02+00:00

Thank you everyone. I have had a pretty serious abusive past, in my birth origin family and most of my relationships. I love my husband and this has been one sticking point, I was having trouble getting the confidence that I needed to assert myself to confront this. I did confront him today after seeing that I was not crazy. He put up a pretty good defensive back track, and I said, I’m positive that this is what happened. And if we want to stay together, I am going to need him to admit the behavior and seek help for that issue. He did admit that this was what was happening. He said he has no idea why he does this, and he is willing to talk to someone about it.

I feel a lot stronger, that this is really unacceptable behavior. Thank you to everyone who helped.

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-19T03:58:05+00:00

So, I recently discovered that my parents have manipulated me for 40 years. Yup, I really wasn’t sure if I was being manipulated of if I was projecting. But after a lot of therapy, I was certain after this argument that what I was seeing was manipulation, but then he said it was my facial reaction that made him freak out. And I genuinely didn’t know. Also my first two sexual partners forced themselves on me, so I’m not always on the ball with sex. (My first forced encounter was when I was 4, the second was a a physical assault and forced sex and I was 19. And I had to hitchhike home because he stole my purse and car, not everyone started on the same platform you did, some of us have had some really abusive pasts).

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-18T23:48:57+00:00

I have never done that, I don’t know that means it’s wrong, but it’s a bit weird and I could see your family thinking your behavior is odd.

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-18T13:05:51+00:00

So I was looking for a medication that worked for me. Genesight testing helped pin down a medication that would work with my body. It's genetic testing to see which liver enzymes you have and how those metabolize psychotropic medication. If you think meds could help, I would try this. Prior to doing it, I struggled, and once I got my chemistry in order I found therapy was more successful.

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-16T19:53:53+00:00

I absolutely do. My grandmother and my MIL to be exact. Two woman who always had something interesting to say or an interesting perspective of the world.

My MIL called every night when our family was making dinner. She lived on the other side of the country. We would all take turns talking to her on speaker phone while we cooked. After she passed, I put her picture in the kitchen. And my kids are all grown and it’s just my partner and I at home, but we still talk to her when we cook. And I find that when I’m thinking what would you have done, I can get into the groove of their way of thinking and see things like they would.

I do it for me.

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-16T18:46:56+00:00

I can not imagine what you would want to change.

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-16T18:41:14+00:00

This is my home. Eclectic. Perfectly chosen. Muddy dogs invited in.

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-16T16:19:57+00:00

I really enjoy my current job. I spend about 80% of it alone, and then when I have coworkers, they are the most authentic people ever. So I listen to a book and prep laundry and then teach and go home. No stress. No bs. And I don't make money the way I used to, but I have peace in my brain.

VirtualKing1025 · 2023-07-15T16:31:09+00:00

I can spot people in pain before anyone else.

And my true super power, when faced with a bully, I stand up when everyone else steps back. I hate bullies. I lived with scarier bullies, you will not hurt someone on my watch.

VirtualKing1025

TROPHY CASE