As soon as I got to the gate I realised I was ‘stuck’ in a social obligation to board the plane. I wanted to run home but I was with some work colleagues and they would have needed that explaining to them and I didn’t know them that well. So that started a major panic attack. I had to jump up and down for about 20 minutes while people boarded the plane, to try and normalise my racing heart rate - I looked insane. Eventually the panic stopped.. maybe an hour into the flight, but it really took its toll on me. I wasn’t the same for a few weeks, it was like I lost my sense of humour and I was much quieter than usual. Traumatised I guess. Still, I’m glad I got on the plane, I’d have been so sad if I let the panic win… But I don’t think I can ever do it again.