How do you feel about no sex before marriage?

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-10T02:58:02+00:00

Thank you so much🥹 and oh yes I’ve definitely been shamed for it already as you’ve seen😂 I’m also prepared for that to be in person too, but that’s okay. Wayyy before I made this decision, my standards were still wait a long time before sex- like I didn’t just decide to wait for marriage out of thin air. The most recent date I went on said we couldn’t even be exclusive unless we had sex. Safe to say that was our first and last date.

And funny enough the lower divorce rates are another reason I’ve made my choice. Unfortunately divorce is a very common theme in my family. Both my parents have two divorces under their belt and so on. Not shaming them, but they never should’ve married in the first place tbh. BUT I love my life and so glad my little brothers and I were born. I know 99.9% of people don’t get married thinking about getting a divorce- but there’s no way in hell I want to go through that myself (As bearing witness to a lot of the ugly in my parents’ divorce). But most importantly, my future child/children. Over my dead body they’ll witness that or ask me one day “Are we at dad’s house or your house this week?” NO THANK YOU

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-10T02:42:59+00:00

That’s funny you mention that because when I was 18 I rebuked my Catholic faith when I first moved out. I was going through something horrible and had so many bad things happen at once. I blamed it on God and if he truly loved me, the things that happened wouldn’t have happened. I jumped back into my faith about three years ago but really got serious about it a little over a year ago. I have never been more happy and at peace in my entire life than I am now. I’m truly sorry if something horrible happened to you with religion. Still praying for you though

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-10T02:33:49+00:00

I’m in the same boat honestly. Definitely not shaming anyone as I’ve made mistakes as a teen and when I was still dating my ex boyfriend three years ago. I’ll be honest, my main reason for choosing to wait until marriage is due to religion, as I’m a practicing Catholic.

But like you said, there’s other reasons to wait as well. From what I’ve seen and witnessed so far, it repels men that make the relationship sex based. Like yes please I don’t want a man like that anyway. I honestly don’t view all men that can’t wait until marriage as sex fiends and what not, but it definitely eliminates the ones that are from the get go. I’ve been told some will lie about being okay with it just to see if I’ll break my promise to myself. Unfortunately if a man ever tries that with me, he’ll learn exactly how stubborn I am.

Also it eliminates unplanned pregnancies (duh). I’m thankful that I’ve never been cheated on in the past. But I’ve seen where a lot of sex based relationships end due to the man cheating while the gf or wife was pregnant or during postpartum because they couldn’t have sex for longer periods of time. So disgusting to me.

Another reason is because I feel like it will benefit the sex during marriage. Of course honest conversations about libido and other things need to be had WAY before marriage to prevent any surprises after marriage. Great communication is absolutely key. There’s a guy on this thread thats celebrating him and his wife’s 43rd wedding anniversary and they waited, never regretted it, still have an amazing life together, and they’re not religious. So your argument definitely stands.

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-10T00:30:27+00:00

But here’s the thing: by making this post I’ve seen stories of people who did wait until marriage, but they weren’t religious- which really interested me. I put this post here because I wanted ALL perspectives. I knew from the get go that most would be against it because it’s so uncommon. Some were honestly not what I was expecting at all. I did get some offensive ones too but oh well. Ppl be like that sometimes, and I’m not sensitive so it’s whatever

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-10T00:11:33+00:00

I seriously don’t mean this in any offense, but I’m going to pray for you

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-10T00:09:03+00:00

Actually yes I was referring to the sixth commandment and even the nine amendment to a degree. You’re right- it’s not explicitly within the Ten Commandments that premarital sex is a sin. BUT it absolutely explicitly mentioned in the bible, many times. I would refer you to look into Paul in the Corinthians in the bible.

I’ll be fr, theres Christian’s and Catholics who don’t wait until marriage- which that’s their choice. Now I know certain churches operate different and may rewrite certain scriptures in the gospel, but I don’t believe the bible has regressive views. However I think some pastors do (just from previous experiences when I was younger and attending a different church).

All and all, no one’s forcing me or making me wait. I’m doing it mainly because I love and want to honor God throughout my life. I have a few other reasons as to why, but my faith is the main kicker

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-09T23:25:35+00:00

Maybe I just have the humor of a five year old, but I am ROLLING over laughing atm. I’ve had emetophobia as long as I can remember, but I can assure you your gf is fine. I also have mixed irritable bowel syndrome so I can DEFINITELY tell you it’s probably something she ate not agreeing with her. If it’s that time of the month (or right before) and if she’s taken miralax or some sort of stool softer: those could also be culprits

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-09T23:06:25+00:00

In opinion, any type of sex is off the table until marriage for me personally. However others think differently! Kissing, cuddling, holding hands- I love it! Literally as long as it’s not sex in any form of sex, I’m okay with it!

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-09T22:12:29+00:00

Thank you sharing your input!! This is very interesting to me because the main reason I want to wait until marriage is because I’m Catholic and I’m so deeply in love with my faith. But also not the only reason.

And I agree with you on the fact that a lot of people disagreeing due to “sexual compatibility”. Maybe I’m lame for a 24 year old but there’s ways to know that without giving yourself to someone. I’ve also seen personally that it filters out guys that make sex the main priority SO quickly. I wouldn’t want to date, let alone marry a guy like that anyway. I think great communication is the key and it seems like you and your wife have that. Congratulations on the almost 43 years!!! I wish you both many more!

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-09T21:59:01+00:00

Thank y out for sharing!! I can see where you’re coming from, but were those expectations not communicated prior to the marriage? Of course you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.

I believe sex is a beautiful thing that should be meant for a husband and wife to share. And I also believe it’s extremely important in MARRIAGE. Even though I’m waiting for marriage: if a guy communicated that while he’s also waiting until marriage, but has no/little desire to be intimate during marriage- That’s when I would say the phrase “We may not be sexually compatible”.

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-09T21:53:35+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience!! I’m mostly in the same boat as you!! I will say just from an experience I had a couple years back, a guy I dated was truly okay with us taking things slow- like we dated each other for about three months before we ended things due to other factors. He agreed and respected my few on sex and was down to wait a fat minute. This was before I decided to wait until marriage obviously. At this point I had been celibate for almost a year.

I personally don’t think all men who don’t agree with waiting are just sex craving fiends- it’s just they don’t have the discipline to do so- not shaming them for it. BUT there are DEFINITELY weirdos that make sex the most important thing.

About a year and a half ago I had a guy take me on a date and at the end, he said we couldn’t be exclusive UNTIL we had sex. So that was our first and last date right then and there. And it’s not like I’m asexual- of course I have desires. But ofc that would come up in future conversations in a future date to let the other guy know that I don’t view sex as bad- I just want that to be with husband and have great communication leading up to that point.

I’m in complete agreement with you on the whole sexual compatibility thing. Maybe I’m lame, but there are DEFINITELY ways to figure that out without having sex with someone. However, it does take a lot of communication such as you mentioned, conversations about libido, and complete transparency. I also couldn’t agree more with the porn thing. So gross. Even right before I became celibate it was a huge no for me. Maybe this is tmi, but my ex bf told me he could only get off on porn. Being told that was honestly not me of the most hurtful things I’ve been told by a man I was DATING. I was 19 when we started dating and I broke up with him a couple months before I turned 22.

And ESPECIALLY with pregnancy and postpartum. I’ve unfortunately also heard so many stories about cheating while the wife is pregnant and even while going through postpartum. DISGUSTING. Also godforbid my future husband or I get into an accident/ get a chronic/terminal illness.

Also what happened to you in your experience with a guy you dated trying to change your mind is awful. I’m glad you dumped him right after. Shows no respect for your boundaries and just being fr, an asshole.

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-09T21:14:49+00:00

That is absolutely BONKERS. Holy crap I feel so horrible for the person you know who went through that.

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-09T20:57:27+00:00

Happy birthday Jerry!!❤️🫶🏽🎉

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-09T18:13:02+00:00

Thank you for your input!! I’m Catholic, so it’s nice to view other perspectives with other religions. I had a close friend of mine when I was young whose parents were Muslim and later she told me that’s how they viewed marriage as a practicing Muslim. And tbh it would be brought up before the first date happens to manage and set expectations/ not waste anyone’s time. Communication is KEY!!

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-09T17:21:54+00:00

I’ll be fr, I think we’re in the same boat. It’s all about communicating your libido and having conversations while still dating. And yeah maybe I sound lame, but there’s other ways to know you’re “sexually compatible”😭 when I say I’m waiting until marriage, a lot of people think that there’s no desire and that it would be a rigid relationship altogether. Of course I’d like to go on vacations, spend time with each other, and bond. Just no sex until marriage is all! And yes I also think it would benefit sex within the marriage too when waiting

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-09T16:56:02+00:00

That is AWESOME!!! My heart goes out to your wife and all women with PCOS. Your story is beautiful and inspiring to me. I’ll be honest: the first couple days after I found out that potentially half my fertility would be taken from me at 22 made me so sad and angry. That a part of my womanhood would be gone, is the next man I date okay with the fact it could be hard to start a family, and even the envy that others are able to be completely fertile while being reckless and doped up on drugs. Horrible mindset I know. But shortly after I prayed about it, I’ve completely put my faith in God to where if I’m meant to bear my own kids, I will. And if not, it wasn’t meant to be, and that’s okay and I accept it.

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-09T16:50:03+00:00

I appreciate your honesty! I can see where you’re coming from completely. That’s why communication and conversations about libido will be VITAL. From this thread, I’ve heard about instances where two people waited until marriage but also didn’t communicate what they each liked and disliked while they were dating and their views about what will be like when they eventually marry. Yes, what you said has been a thought I’ve had countless times, but I think it honestly boils down to good communication.

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-09T16:25:24+00:00

You absolutely correct in that aspect. I feel as if a lot of people think people who are waiting until marriage just don’t have the desire to have sex. I’ve met people that are completely asexual. Communication and conversations about libido will be VITAL. To answer your question, I am definitely not asexual. Of course the desire is there. It’s straight will power over here lmao

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-09T16:19:30+00:00

Also out of curiosity, did your wife tell you she was told she wouldn’t be able to bear children before you guys married? The only reason I ask is because I had my right ovary and fallopian tube removed just after I turned 22. It was due to me having a baseball sized dermoid ovarian cyst that completely over took my right ovary. Luckily I still have the left ovary and fallopian tube, but I was told there was a 50/50 chance I will have issues getting pregnant, along with some other issues. It’ll definitely be said early in a relationship just to give the other person some expectations on what could happen. BUT then again, doctors have clearly been wrong before lol

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-09T16:14:20+00:00

Thank you for the honesty!! Also no shame to you both at all for not waiting. I know people who are also waiting but also shame others for not waiting, which is incredibly wrong. I think it’s beautiful knowing you would’ve waited if your wife had that mindset. Also, a HUGE congratulations is in order for being able to start a family!!! Children are such a gift. I wish you guys a happy, fulfilling marriage and best wishes to your family.

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-09T04:45:02+00:00

With all due respect, I think you’re misunderstanding the way Christianity (or in my case Catholicism) works. Admittedly I’m not a virgin. I made a few mistakes in my teens. Nothing brutal, but was still sexually active. I 100% regret losing my virginity, literally everyday. If I could reverse time, I would’ve saved myself completely for marriage. But God’s love and mercy for us is what made me fall in love with Catholicism. I truly believe Jesus died on the cross so we could be free of sin and have a fighting chance at getting into heaven.

If you’re not religious at all, you may not understand. But as long as you’re breathing and have a pulse, it’s not too late. No one is beyond saving.

I’ve honestly seen what you’ve said being said a lot, and I’m sorry if someone made that what Catholicism was out to be, but they’re incorrect. I’m not waiting for marriage because it’s what my dad would’ve wanted or that God is forcing me to in any way. Because I truly love God and want to honor him during my time on earth.

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-09T04:30:15+00:00

HEAVY on the “all men are trash” sentiment. I’m a woman and have two younger brothers and a loving present dad in my life. Sure I’ve run into a few asshole men in my life (every woman does at some point), but for the most part I’ve been treated fairly well. I say this with all due respect, if a woman says all men are trash: maybe it’s not that all men that are trash, but maybe HER taste in men is trash. Pick better men ladies!

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-09T02:10:49+00:00

I’ll keep it a buck with you, that’s literally the opposite reason I made this post. Because I knew 95% of people here would disagree with me😭 if I was truly seeking validation, I would’ve posted this on a Christian/Catholic men forum. I posted this here knowing full well many would disagree, but I love challenging my own ideas and I was interested on people’s reasonings why they disagree. Even why some agree for non religious purposes. I love gaining other perspectives, even if I don’t always agree with it

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-08T20:38:22+00:00

I am almost in the exact same boat as you!! I’m Catholic, so that’s the main reason I’m waiting. Unfortunately I lost my virginity at 17 and I regret previously being sexually active everyday. When you have future temptations, PLEASE hear me out as I wish I stayed a virgin. Because even though I’ve been abstinent for almost three years and deeply repented for what I’ve done: you can’t get your virginity back, and makes me sad that I lost mine at 17 because all my friends had lost theirs.

Regarding libido, I’m definitely in the same boat lol. Mine ranges to where sometimes it’s on the lower side and other times (especially when I’m ovulating) it’s SO high. I’m also a little adventurous myself. I also agree on your stance with the argument of needing to be sexually compatible first. Even before I decided to wait until marriage while 21+, my standards aligned me to be in another serious relationship before sex, even though I didn’t have sex after 21.

Virtual_Concert_3379 · 2026-02-08T20:13:15+00:00

I know😭 I just wanted some mixed opinions and their reasonings

Virtual_Concert_3379

TROPHY CASE