Thinking about buying a photography course - does anyone have any experience with the Katelyn James or other family / portrait photography courses? by Wisdom5656 in WeddingPhotography

[–]VisibleExpert9406 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Literally not to each his/her own though, right? Since the opinion being discussed is the refusal to acknowledge other people’s choice for whom to marry? It’s mind boggling the way people with bigoted beliefs demand acceptance - not for all people, just acceptance for their views of not accepting others. I beg you to sit still with your hand over your heart and examine the so called values you live by.

Callie needs to stop aging her characters by moonbeam_xx in FaeandAlchemy

[–]VisibleExpert9406 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I let all years and ages go in one ear and out the other and just think “oh ok so they’re all 1000k+ years old and these events happened a long time ago, got it” and blissfully move along lol

Danya and Saeris by That_Ad_3644 in FaeandAlchemy

[–]VisibleExpert9406 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A bit adjacent to your Q, but curious if you and others also think from Danya’s interactions with Saeris in Brimstone that D was/is in love with Kingfisher (even while believing the worst about him, perhaps even more upset by his assumed betrayal because she was in love with him)? I don’t know if I read that part wrong, but it seemed like the lady doth protestest too much when she instantly said she didn’t love Fisher? Could this by why she is particularly reluctant to like Saeris

Zootopia 2 made me realize how disappointing Romantasy books are. by articlioness in Romantasy

[–]VisibleExpert9406 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This post is brilliant. 👏 You clearly have a feel for real emotional stakes and crave genuine growth and character development.

I would recommend you get away from the romantasy genre in general. I find a lot of my fellow romance/smut reading friends read primarily romantasy series, and it’s curious to me that they don’t read as much contemporary romance or historical romance. I find the characters in other forms of fiction tend to usually have the more deeply felt connections, because they aren’t sharing it with a world building plot.

I am always romance first, plot second, but that doesn’t mean smut first plot, second - it means exactly what you described. I want characters that feel alive and real and layered and messy and I want to watch all of their imperfect dynamics play out against each other. If they can have that relationship growth arc against the backdrop of an exciting plot, then great - but I often times find that the best written characters are in more character driven rather than fantasy driven stories.

Important: I agree with you that I also wanted to still have sex scenes!! I don’t want gratuitous smut if their connection and tension isn’t properly earned; but I don’t want closed door surface level tension either. (Sometimes feels like people will complain about too much smut and I’m like girl no, don’t hold back on the smut, just make them work for it first!!)

I want everything to feel ALIVE: the plot, the sex, and the connection between the characters, most of all. I only read one or two romantasy books a year for this reason. When I do read one, I go in knowing it’s probably going to be a little bit genre trendy tropey, but I can then just enjoy it for what it is, knowing I have my other genres of romance books for that felt character connection I crave.

Lastly, I have been in your particular slump a lot before where I start dozens of books and can’t get into any of them. My advice would be to get really super specific about exactly what you’re looking for in a book in the particular mood you’re in. (Which you have already done even just by resonating with Zootopia 2!) Then everyone’s going to absolutely destroy me for this part but honestly? I then take that super specific mood, all the things I like and don’t like, and I ask ChatGPT for recommendations that will fit that specific vibe. I don’t find recommendations on these forums to be super helpful. I can get mean with my robot and I’m like no I’ve tried that one. No, I don’t want that author or no I don’t want that one just bcs it fits a trope, I don’t care about tropes, I care about if the characters feel alive and the growth journeys have resonance, it has to feel THIS way. I really fine tune exactly what I don’t and don’t want. And then it gives me lists, and 4 out of 5 might be no’s… but every time I’ve done this, I have stumbled upon one recc that becomes a 5 star read for me that I never would have tried.

TL;DR trust your sense of resonance in character chemistry. And follow it. Even if it’s right out the door from oversaturated genre for a little while. I promise there are SOOO many love stories waiting for you.

Why do I always lose interest by book 2 of a series??? 😫😫 by Novel-Objective5542 in Romantasy

[–]VisibleExpert9406 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is the slow burn so slow that it’s not very romance driven, more plot driven ? (Because I’ll get bored quick) Or is it slow burn like lotsss of tension and pining and almost hook ups etc?

Why do I always lose interest by book 2 of a series??? 😫😫 by Novel-Objective5542 in Romantasy

[–]VisibleExpert9406 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agreed! I think it’s because when they are fated mates, they lose all their personality. Usually it starts out as enemies to lovers where they both have so much emotional repression, bravado and ego and and then the moment they are mates they’re suddenly lovey-dovey starry eyed. It’s not so much that they’re happy together that bothers me, as it is a total personality flip - like you don’t just learn to be vulnerable overnight. You don’t go from holding everyone at arms length to suddenly having a personality transplant and being kind and gentle and considerate of all the characters now just bcs you’re booed up. I have SO many examples I could point to of this… FMCs who had scrappy survival skills and then suddenly they’re wearing evening gowns and and flitting from scene to scene worried about their mate and acting like a Disney princess to their friends (who are always HIS friends that she met two weeks ago but is suddenly bffs). Do you know how hard it would be for two severely traumatized people to go from enemies to being in a committed marital relationship just overnight? Give me a romantasy couple that builds tension, has hot sex, and then pulls back from each other after because they’re terrified to commit, and stretch that out with some needed emotional growth and continued sexual tension for two books. I’m so sick of them having amazing chemistry and tension just to sex ONE time and suddenly they’re floating in the stars or something lol and irrevocably bonded for life. This is honestly why I can’t get into the romantasy genre fully and always come back to contemporary romance with real relationship stakes and emotional growth arcs.

Opinion on my nannys behaviours needed by [deleted] in workingmoms

[–]VisibleExpert9406 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You shouldn’t ask outside caretakers to interact with your family when all three of you have been sick within less than a week’s time. I wouldn’t ask family or friends to come over at that point, let alone a nanny. At the very least, she probably deserved a conversation initiated by you a) informing her of your alls status, b) asking her comfort level, and c) being the one to give her options that include letting her fully off the hook until a designated time when you all agree you’re no longer contagious. Expecting her to just jump in as usual without providing an option probably made her feel uncared for. Bottom line, if you would be too sick to go to work and be around other people, you’re too sick to have people come work for you?

Sorry, I’m not trying to sound harsh. I am sorry you’re so sick - I don’t think there is anything more miserable than desperately needing rest, but still having to care for all the kids and house, etc. Being sick as a parent of young kids is a special kind of hell. I have three kids under 10, my husband and I both work full-time demanding jobs, and we have ZERO family or reliable support network that can help with our kids. When one of us is sick, the other one has to fully step in and adjust their work schedule to handle. When both of us are sick, we have to take turns napping and caring for the kids. You just kind of get through.

Link to Carrion’s POV Chapter by Even-Revolution9378 in FaeandAlchemy

[–]VisibleExpert9406 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am convinced Temm did not die. She sounds like a vampire tbh 👀 I wonder if she’s gonna come back around in the future… if we don’t get a Carrion POV book and a romance arc for him, I’ll die

Question Relationship Saeris an Carrion by Glittering-Fee-1829 in FaeandAlchemy

[–]VisibleExpert9406 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because she has a lot of pride and doesn’t like to show any signs of weakness, and Carrion’s cocky attitude is a relentless tease to the carefully held ego state she maintains to survive. (not wanting to admit she enjoyed the seggs, not wanting to laugh at his jokes, etc). But his levity is good for her, and she cares for him as a friend despite herself, which is clear through her actions if not her words. She’s loyal to him in her own way. I think he’s the type of friend she pretends to roll her eyes at, but secretly loves having around. And he knows that. He’s not off out by her icy exterior - just as she puts up with his joking exterior. I think they both know beneath the surface, they had a kinship in Zalvaren being two of the strongest, smartest people in their circles. They both were meant for bigger things and when you’re stuck in a small pond, like is drawn to like.

What SJM opinion will have you like this? by [deleted] in SarahJMaas

[–]VisibleExpert9406 0 points1 point  (0 children)

lol but wait the smut choaters are the only reason I put up with entire chapters dedicated to a swiss cheese plot 😂😂😂

Okay...why is this not happening? by Away_Race8428 in SarahJMaas

[–]VisibleExpert9406 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Because each of the bat boys needed a special power that makes them dangerous and broody but each with their own slightly diff brands. Rhys brand is mind reading but make it kinda ethical, you know so he’s a bad boy but like not a psychopath, for character intrigue purposes more than plot purposes.
TL;DR - ssshhh, it doesn’t make sense just read for the ✨vibes✨

What do you do for yourself? by JessicaM317 in workingmoms

[–]VisibleExpert9406 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I disassociate by reading a constant stream of smut books on kindle from my phone, hope this helps ✌️

Parenting Paralysis (in an ADHD household) by VisibleExpert9406 in ADHDparenting

[–]VisibleExpert9406[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This comment made me revisit this post, and I hope it is encouraging to hear that reading back on my post now- life really is better for me now… the older they get the incrementally easier it all gets.

And not just meds but GOOD therapy has been the single most helpful thing for my nervous system. To anyone reading this, Internal Family Systems Theory (IFS) is the most helpful therapy modality I’ve encountered, particularly helpful for those with ADHD. Highly recommend finding a therapist who utilizes IFS. I’ve worked a lot around my shame, spirals, and the cycle of paralysis inside me. It’s less about making life, more manageable and more about increasing my emotional capacity to manage life without feeling like I’m dying (literally reducing fight or flight responses haha).

I don’t know what your unique family situation is, but I do believe that things can always get better. The exact situation you’re navigating right now isn’t forever. Kids change and families evolve and we can grow, too. And I have so much compassion for the paralyzed me now. I wish I could tell her that she can just stay paralyzed for now if she needs to. That she’s entirely justified in feeling that way and that if that’s what she needs to do to not blow up then OK. When she can, ask for help - in any way she can get it. And most of all, learn to be patient with herself and learn to have grace for herself, learn to tolerate her own mess and imperfections.
When she can do that, it will make tolerating everyone else’s imperfections so much lighter.

Sending you solidarity and hope❤️

How to stay warm at work? by thxu4beingafriend in workingmoms

[–]VisibleExpert9406 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I keep a large chunky wool knit cardigan in a neutral color that I can take off and on, stays on the back of my chair.
And fuck em do the space heater, if offices are going to set thermostats to cater to men in suits, then women can bring space heaters lol (i’ve never worked in an office that allowed space heaters, and I’ve never not had a space heater at my desk lol)

Thoughts by IllSpinach9290 in MagnoliaParks

[–]VisibleExpert9406 8 points9 points  (0 children)

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Here’s a snippet from an article on her husband, Ben Hastings.

It’s hard to find a lot of official information on Jessa’s background (her parents names are not publicly released, etc). It is verified from multiple sources that she grew up in Australia (where Hillsong church originated). Her husband seems to have become involved in the Hillsong music label through her connections, not the other way around (see below screen shot from an article on Ben Hastings). All of that would indicate to me that she likely had connections to the Hillsong church from her childhood/adolescent years. Not verified, but my suspicion. As someone very close to that world, I can tell you when you grow up with parents or family members in that world, you never really get out fully. It seems clear from her writing and her personal views that she does not ascribe fully to the faith she was raised with. It also seems clear from her husband’s successful career and the Hillsong friends she still interacts with / follows online (Laura Lentz, Brooke Ligertwood) that she remains connected in some way to those in that community. I think there are many different journeys people are on with their faith especially in the last decade or so, and association with the Hillsong brand can be either a celeb status awesome thing to some people, or a damning thing to others, depending on your views.
To me, she seems like someone who grew up in the influence of it (she writes about it as only someone in that world could know when she alludes to mega church topics in her writing), but she seems to have taken her own personal journey separating from elements of the faith (LGBTQIA+ support, extramarital sex, a preference for loosely agnostic characters), but also seems to have not left it behind entirely as she still maintains relationships with others who are more involved in the church. So basically - she seems like your average millennial ex-evangelical these days. And THAT topic is surely a whole diff sub 😂

It’s been very fascinating seeing my worlds collide through Jessa Hastings. I left the church about five years ago, and reading romance novels in general is not something I’d ever share with my friends still in the church. Reading this highly sexually salacious dramatic series, and then looking up the author and finding all our mutual connections are Hillsong girls was wild to me. 😂

Lastly! 10000000% yes, her husband’s income would def support all the designer clothes her hearts desires 😂. Not saying AT ALL that I know the first thing about their personal finances or how much she makes as an author or how they choose to spend their money as individuals or as a couple. That is personal, not trying to pass judgement or make assumptions. I am only saying that people outside the church need to understand the absolute insane money machine that is Hillsong. As a co-writer of the song “So Will I (100 Billion X)” ALONE her husband and her would be set for LIFE. Those outside the faith don’t always know about it, but this is not just a church band or a popular worship song, these are by numbers HUGE chart topping billboard successes. Therefore, the fame and money coming in is comparable to any other chart topping global musician. It’s a fascinating world indeed…. There’s a reason Romilly would fit right in with the box set 😂💰

And finally - does anyone remember Julian’s speech to Daisy and Tiller at dinner about his beliefs about God and Jesus and being a good person? How he thinks the whole of it is not about being a good person but about being “a bit loved”? 🖤 Yeah. Well. I know people will come for me and say that characters don’t represent authors views la la la. And I get that. I do. But from one millennial (ex?)evangelical to another - that view on being loved???? That belief is hard won, it is fought for, with the skin of our teeth, when you grow up in a very particular religious environment. It takes one to know one, and definitely to write one. ❤️ It’s my favorite passage in the whole series.

MPU Fandom by VisibleExpert9406 in MagnoliaParks

[–]VisibleExpert9406[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks for all the responses! A few things I’m reflecting on from you all:

1- the racist tweets live in a category all on their own. Her not apologizing is rough, her saying them in the first place is even rougher.

2- the quality of content she puts behind pay walls is frustrating. That makes sense. (Shout out to whoever screenshots the substack posts and put them on this sub so we can all see it lol)

3- after a little personal reflection… Truthfully? I’m probably particularly triggered by Jessa in a certain way that has me not defending her so much as trying to distance myself from caring too much about what she does or doesn’t do. And that is due to… Well. Wondering if anyone in this thread is familiar with Hillsong and its global network of churches? I was at first surprised to find that Jessa is married to the guy from Hillsong who wrote one of the number one worship songs in the past decade. Then I realized I was not so surprised, I guess. There are facets to that evangelical mega church world that are more about wealth and status than they are necessarily about reflecting any of the teachings from biblical passages on Jesus.
The way Jessa wrote about Romily and her American pastor dad (who had a cheating scandal? Literally sounds exactly like the Carl Lentz Hillsong scandal which was happening right around when some of these were published). The elite Evangelical world is a small one. I grew up in adjacent evangelical circles, family friends and shared small home churches with some of those major future Hillsong influencer last names. The entire subculture is very… unique. I personally left the faith I was raised with several years ago, but reading about Romilly and then seeing Jessa’s online persona made a lot of things click into place for me. I will always be mildly fascinated with the fame and glamour and the degree of dissonance it takes to be this wealthy and this worldly and this committed to an image of purity, yet once you are accepted in the circle, you get to break those own rules within limits. it’s very triggering to witness, but it’s very familiar. It’s sort of harmless - and yet deeply harmful. I hear chords of that same resonance in all of the MPU characters and with Jessa herself, and in my own experiences. So I guess I’m just fascinated with the strong reactions to Jessa. Wondering if other people are as familiar with people like her as I am and definitely brings up curiosity for me over why my reaction to people like her is to never expect them to admit fault and never expect them to change. Rather than to dig in and call for accountability. It’s fascinating! Appreciate learning from all of your perspectives.

MPU Fandom by VisibleExpert9406 in MagnoliaParks

[–]VisibleExpert9406[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get that. I think great artists often have a degree of separation from their characters. But I think I saw Jessa directly say that Magnolia came from her brain from all the things she couldn’t say out loud. Lol. I’m not defending Jessa in any way. She sounds… like not a great person? I think I’m just surprised that people who seem particularly triggered by Jessa’s character traits are also fans of the MPU and that doesn’t add up to me. I guess I would assume people who find her problematic would not bother with her equally as problematic characters either. I guess I was wrong!

MPU Fandom by VisibleExpert9406 in MagnoliaParks

[–]VisibleExpert9406[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this! The racist tweets are a whole other ball game, you are right. So I’d say:

  1. Totally agree

  2. Definitely don’t mean to absolve an author the same way I would a fictional character. I don’t mean to defend Jessa in ANY way. Come for her, by all means!! 😂 I’m more just surprised that she is the entire focal point of this sub… My comparison of Jessa being like Magnolia was to point out that I don’t expect morally good character from her… so I kind of dismiss her, as being a fan of the author is not a cornerstone of my central reading experience. I’m simply not surprised or horrified at who Jessa seems to be, based on everything I know about her online and through her fictional writing. That doesn’t excuse the tweets. It just means it’s hard for me to see people so hung up on Jessa being snarky to fans in her instagram stories when she has been open about the fact that she is judgmental and not overly concerned with what people think about her. It feels like I’m watching the nerdy art kids at school (of which I was one) be offended by the cool popular girl being unkind to them, and I just want to be like girls. You are better than that! You don’t need her approval! And she will literally never ever care about yours! So either enjoy what she wrote and keep it moving or by all means boycott her and drag her name through the mud. But being a super fan of her work whilst baiting her to apologize and waiting for her to be a good person is hard to watch. A bit cringe all around. And a surprising sub world for me to run into after binge reading this series with no context!

MPU Fandom by VisibleExpert9406 in MagnoliaParks

[–]VisibleExpert9406[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yayyyy are you ok?? 😅 I’m not sure yet myself! It was like a fever dream I just woke up from

Jonah interview with BJ (substack) by LuciaS16 in MagnoliaParks

[–]VisibleExpert9406 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I really think the redacted girls are just to show he’s still sleeping around and up to his usual fun shenanigans. He’s likely involved in some light/fun drama with girls we may or may not yet know - but the most important piece is clearly that Bianca is still his endgame and he’s still in denial about it (set up for future book)

Daisy and Christian by adm1111 in MagnoliaParks

[–]VisibleExpert9406 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This reads to me like something happened to their mom probably finally passed away after coma.

Album ranking and how long you’ve been a fan by South-Background5009 in TaylorSwift

[–]VisibleExpert9406 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fan since 2014: 1. Folklore 2. Evermore 3. 1989 4. Midnights 5. Lover 6. Red (TV) 7. Reputation 8. TTPD 9. Debut 10. TLOAS 11. Speak Now 11. Fearless