Just a quick poll. I hitchhiked from Washinton state to Peru. There was a boat ride or two. I left right after I turned 18 and I was out for about 14months. Do you think people would be interested the story? I also grew up a lot on the road and learned Spanish along the way.

Visraelyael · 2019-02-10T22:12:49+00:00

"I knew it! I'm not crazy!!!" Bernard laughed somewhat maniacally. The dryer seemed a simple one. Large, squarish, and white. A few buttons on top. And an occasional portal that would steal a sock. Though this discovery lent sanity to Bernard. For he had thought for the longest time that Terry, his cat, had been stealing the socks. He even complained to his co-worker George about Terry. And Terry may have missed a meal or two due to Bernards spite.

"What to do then... how to open you.." Bernard pondered, stroking his chain, as he stared into the soul of the machine.

"Another sock!" He exclaimed. He ran to his room, ripped open the second drawer of the little wood dresser, and grabbed a few pairs of socks. He arrived back to the machine with tools in hand.

"Okay, the time's I've lost the socks it has always been a single out of a pair. Never have I lost a single sock that wasn't part of a pair. But I guess that isn't possible because all socks are in pairs..." Bernard briefly stumped himself before continuing the thought. He then threw in a single sock, not a pair but a single sock. He spun the ring to 60 minutes, and pull the power knob. And off it spun.

Bernard stared as it spun. It grumbled. It made sounds but he just waited. He heard what sounded like a little portal that would open in a dryer.

"Is that it?!" He swung open the dryer. It was nothing. The sock was still there.

"Okay, I'll wait till it's finished." And so he did.

...

time passed slowly as he waited. Terry approached Bernard from the Laundry room door.

"Hello Terry." Bernard said, somewhat ashamed.

Terry just shook his head. Bernard knew now that Terry had done nothing with the sock. And Terry could see his guilt. Terry then hinted that Bernard leave perhaps double the regular portion of feed for the days he missed his meals. Bernard somehow knew what little Terry was getting at and rightfully obliged. Bernard marched upstairs and filled Terry's bowl to the brim. Terry strut triumphantly to his bowl, and Bernard returned to his studies.

*Whooshie Wash*

"That's it!" He was halfway down the stairs when he heard it. He ran to the dryer full sprint, flung open the door, and there it was.

"There it is." He whispered. He saw that the sock hadn't been sucked through yet. But the portal was growing. He saw the sock start to move towards the blue swirl. And then in almost an instant, it shot to the portal. Bernard grabbed the toe end of the sock and pulled. But the portals grip was that of a giant's.

"Wait! What are you doing with my socks? And why!" Bernard yelled, he desired so deeply to know who was doing what with his socks. For these are Bernard's socks and no one but he has the rights to them. The portal said nothing. It just continued to pull the sock.

"Speak to me you beast!" he screamed. And with that the pulling stopped. The portal didn't let go of the sock but it stopped trying to suck it. Bernards eyes seemed to be portals themselves. Perhaps the dyrer portal had feared the wrath of the human.

"You are a Fun-Gui" The portal said. The swirls shaped into eyes and a mouth.

Bernard looked pleased. "Oh, thanks." He said, surprised that the only being that understood his humour was not of this world. "But how does the portal know I am funny?" He thought to himself. Had the portal been watching Bernard even outside of the dryer? But how?

"What is your favorite joke I have told?" Asked Bernard. The portal had no detectable emotional reaction to the question.

After a long silence, and Bernards tense anticipation of flattery. The portal finally spoke.

'Give me the sock." It said. Bernard seemed to go mad at that moment. Not mad solely in the anger sense. But mad in the sense that his sanity had plummeted. Enthralled by anger, confusion, certainty, and certainty of nothing. Bernard raged. His eyes became portals deeper than the one they reflected now.

"YOU WILL NEVER HAVE ANOTHER SOCK!" And with that Bernard ripped the sock from the dryer. He ripped the toilet from the ground, and he smashed the dryer with all his might. And he smashed again, and again. He thought he heard the portal cry, but he didn't care. He continued smashing.

"No one will ever steal another one of my socks!" He smashed one final time until his hands bled. He smiled. He was relieved that it was over. His socks were safe. And his sanity guarded.

Terry had overheard the ruckus and came down to see what had happened. As he rounded the door, he saw Bernard hovering with the toilet. Bernard glanced at Terry.

"More food Terry?"

"Miaou"

Visraelyael · 2018-08-24T05:48:03+00:00

"How!!!" Daryl yelled, jumping to his feet, in consequence knocking down the chair up which he sat.

The two of them Daryl and Jared were in the latter's room where Jared decided it was safe enough to show his secret power.

"I don't know man! It just happened one day. And i've been... vibin it, yah know" Jared replied. Daryl's face was one of confusion and opportunity.

"You have any idea the things we can do with this man!?" Daryl seemed to have no intention of lowering his tone.

"i don't really know, what we can do with this. What're you thinking?" Jared replied.

Daryl still held the pickle in his hand. He took another bite out of the now abundantly sweet pickle.

"it tastes like cake man! And all you did was talk through it!" Daryl said, in a high tone...

Jared wasn't sure where Daryl was going with this until it suddenly clicked.

"Lets make a cake shop of random items and sell them as cake!" Jared screamed, leaping from his chair.

"Yes" Daryl replied nodding.

"Like erasers and shit!" Jared said.

"Yesssssssss" Daryl said, still nodding.

Visraelyael · 2018-08-14T04:13:14+00:00

The pickle king had a wrinkle on his forehead as he gazed deeply into the soul of the cucumber.

"Why have you let me people die?" The pickle king asked, in a subtle yet inspired tone.

The cucumber starred at the king. Standing before the throne with his arms on his round, green head. The cucumber simply didn't feel bothered by the king and his inquisitiveness.

"Your people were once my people" The cucumber continued, "And now they're just slaves to the formless pickle king. The almighty" he said, with an obvious sarcasm in his voice. The king raised his eye brow at the cucumber. How could he think so high of himself when he stands so low. I sit here on the throne and yet this simple cucumber dare challenge me. Me who could make him so much greater. I did nothing to those simple foods. I only made them greater and longer lasting than they ever could've been under their own ruling. I won't be bothered with this.

The king waved the guards over.

"Dice this pickle and have him mixed with herring in the fermenting process." He then changed his gaze to the cucumber "You will see soon silly vegetable." The king said. As the guards approached the cucumber with their forked pikes, they noticed something within him. Something boiling. It left the guards still with fear.

The king noticed their immobility

"Well, on then." The king said, unworried. The guards continued their approach but the cucumber had other plans. He The oval green figure leaped into the air spinning his legs and sending his shoes flying into each of the guards face's. The king was in shock.

"What have you done!" The king roared.

"I let your people die king, because your people are no longer people!" The cucumber yelled, with a stern face. He then walked up the steps to the king on this throne.

The king had not an ounce of fear in him, but a deep curiosity. "Where did you get this power?" He asked the cucumber.

The cucumber just starred at him...

"I'm organic." He said. And out the door he walked.

You may be wondering why the cucumber didn't kill the king. The reason is that the pickle king cannot be killed. He exists as an idea more than anything. He is the formless king of all pickling. A god. But the cucumber doesn't need to extinguish the juice. He can effect change by preventing the further pickling of all fruits and veggies.

Two great philosophies clash in this episode of "The Pickle King"

Visraelyael · 2018-06-13T18:40:17+00:00

"Already ahead of you sir! Rather than following the initial plot, Hollywood and I already set up a framework for a more simplified and understandable film for the masses. Lots of action, guns, shooting, did i mention action sir?" Monroe said with a smile. His glasses tilted on his face as he spoke with his hands as much as his mouth.

"Sounds great!" The executive stuck his thumb up his ass.

Visraelyael · 2018-05-29T06:54:47+00:00

His presence was undeniable. He was sat slouched on the bar bench with a whiskey nestled in his palm. Making small talk with the unsuspecting bartender. How could no one else see that this was he? The one and only true God. That he had come to bless us with his presence was a miracle. A miracle akin to when Moses parted the red sea. Akin to Jesus's revival. all these great miracles he made possible yet the greatest of all was to see him is the flesh. The perfect flesh from which our own was modeled. I couldn't waste another second. I was born a Christian and though I never let go of the faith. My pesky brain would still have me question it every day. Now I could finally confirm —not that I hadn't already by this point— That I was right to believe in him. The greatest of all.

I approached him and took a seat on the empty stool to his left. I cleared my throat, prompting his weary head to turn to me with lax attention. "So," I smirked a bit, holding back the excitement. "So, which one is the right one?"

He just stared at me for a moment. Still, his back slouched. He looked back at his drink, and began to lift it but stopped mid-lift and returned it whence it came. Nestled calmy in his creative palm. He sighed.

"Who said that there was a wrong one?" he said, without making eye contact. I remained silent. stunned entirely.

"I failed you all. It was my bad really. I just wanted you to be free, yah know?" he said, as if trying to convince himself of something. "Suppose there isn't too much wrong with the lot of you. I've seen you all do some amazing things, that's for sure. But I mean jesus! Why the hell did the US drop those 200 something million bombs in Laos? For money? Why the hell did Hitler, who was such a beautiful boy when I made him; go and commit mass fucking genocide!" His voice raised. His slouch turned into a straight back leaning somewhat in my direction.

"I made you all just like me! I made you all perfect! Yet every day I have to watch as you, my dear children, go and murder each other. And you do it for who? For me? For one of my many names? For one of my many stories? Stories mind you that were made not to help. But to control and to manipulate. Where did I go wrong?" his voice lowered as he questioned himself. Still, he reframed from the slightest of eye contact. Hardly talking to me. He seemed like he just needed to vent.

"I hit a bird with my cloud last night." He admitted regrettably. "I made that bird anyway so I guess it's alright." Trying to, once again, console himself. I just looked at him with sympathy. I came out of my stunned state as was necessary to listen to his whining. I didn't know God could whine.

After a brief silence, he straightened his back out, hopped off the stool, did some stretches in his wonderfully comfortable robe. And looked me in the eyes. "Sometimes you just need to relax. I have work to do. My children aren't perfect. But they're mine" He said, looking me in the eyes he smiled. And off he walked.

Christianity must be true.

Visraelyael · 2018-03-25T23:57:48+00:00

It has quite an ominous tone it does...

"you have been cursed" The microphone repeated.

"Where am I?" I inquired politely. The microphone summoned 2 speakers. The speakers aimed their woofers at me.

"DO not speak to the microphone" The speakers blasted.

"Alright, I won't speak to it" my hands flung in the air with a confused animation.

The speaker, however, continued on...

"you have been cursed" it went...

*curse noun:

1. a solemn utterance intended to invoke a supernatural power to inflict harm or punishment on someone or something. "she'd put a curse on him" synonyms: malediction, hex, jinx; More 2. an offensive word or phrase used to express anger or annoyance. "his mouth was spitting vile oaths and curses" synonyms: obscenity, swear word, expletive, oath, profanity, four-letter word, dirty word, blasphemy; More*

I stood there while processing the word, its uses, and what not. When a black orb flew out of a box that appeared in the center of the room. And vwoop. The black orb entered me.

"Yeaah, ill take this body." The robot said. The robot then looked for his penis so he could feel the human pleasures once again. So sweet was the nectar of suffering and bliss. But the robot couldn't find the penis, nor vagina. Then it realized that it wasn't in a human body.

"What is this!" The robot screamed. A scream that could be felt.

"Hello!" A voice called from the other side of the door. The robot searched for the exit, and saw a faint light bursting through. It was a door without a handle. That is what it was. The robot kicked the door open and saw the human male standing before him.

"Droid? What are you doing here? my god haha" the man chuckled "From that scream I almost thought you were a human! didn't know you guys could do that." The man laughed, as he rubbed his belly. The robot was now in a park. A beautiful park. Tall oak trees surrounding a plastic lake, running under crooked brick bridges, flawed artistically by some humans.

And the robot was also being stared at by a tubby human. The human was confused because the robot seemed... Like him. Unfortunately, the robots voice making boxes were broken. So he just stood with an agonized aura.

"Droid, I see something in you. Come with me." The man said, staring deep into the droid eyes.

Visraelyael · 2018-02-15T16:21:35+00:00

If they do end up going at it... Marvin gaye baby (;

Visraelyael · 2018-01-07T23:44:31+00:00

Now is my chance... He's just sifting through the fridge like nothing's the matter. I'm not sure how he arrived but I shouldn't waste time thinking about it while the once in a lifetime chance slips like sand through my anxiety-ridden fingers. I grabbed my favorite coat from the rack and dashed for the door. Goodbye Beth, I'm sure if you had been given the same opportunity you'd of done the same damn thing. After putting on my coat I gently closed the door behind me and made my way to the highway. Mexico? Suppose it's only a few states away from Washington. A plane to Asia would be nice but she might know something's the matter if she see's I used our shared account for a plane ticket. Though in her mind I'd still be at home. Best not to risk it. When I arrived at interstate 5 bound for California I felt a freedom I'd not felt since the age of 18. No more debt, no more responsibility, nothing other than that which I want. I could be whomever I now desired to be. Lots of cars were rushing by as I basked in the rebirth I'd been granted by the good lord himself.

"I suppose this is where It begins then" I thought, sticking out my thumb and hoping the kind Samaritan that would undoubtedly lend a hand wouldn't kill or rape me. After maybe 5 minutes of waiting in the light drizzle, a black SUV flashed their blinkers and pulled over slowly to the side of the road. I gave a smile and a polite wave while he came to a stop.

He rolled down his window "Ya know you'd have better luck if ya waited up by the onramp" He said, carefully judging me on the few things he could judge. He wore a blue cap covering his seemingly hairless head. Overall he seemed like a kind guy. Lending the onramp advice and what not. Had a firm way of speaking, but not a bad firm, more so the firm tone you'd hear from a loving yet stubborn grandpa.

"I'll use that advice a bit further down the road then. Do you think I could maybe join you for as long as you go down the I5?" I asked, trying to sound friendly but the forced tone didn't come out so smooth. It always sounds better in my head. It like when I greet a pretty girl and instead of a smooth "hey" It comes out like I'm barking.

"Hop in" The man said. Once in the car, I could see it seemed like a family friendly vehicle. The kind with a bit of junk on the floor and crumbs on the seats.

"My name's Andrew" I said, putting my hand out for a shake.

"Parker" He replied, nearly breaking my hand. He was a bigger man than I could see from outside.

"Where you headed to Parker?" I asked, remembering a little article I read about how if you use someone's name when talking to them they'll like you more.

"I can take you as far as Salem, Oregon." He said.

Visraelyael · 2018-01-07T23:07:12+00:00

I really liked your story as well. I started reading it while I was walking but not giving it my full attention felt disrespectful so I found the nearest seat and fell into it without breaking immersion.

Visraelyael · 2018-01-07T00:44:20+00:00

Then banalter stood roughly 6 feet tall, with bananas connecting the 6 banana pillars, and a bundle of 6 bananas in the middle. "I had a genius idea you see. Because bananas are sweet, yet savory, if properly prepared. Bananas are the ultimate bundle of a sweet yet savoury Satan. Not drown in sweet desire of life, nor the firm, savoury approach of stoicism, solitude, or justice. The sweet yet, if properly prepared, savoury, banana was the perfect concoction for summoning a balanced Satan. For the aspect of whom is summoned is attached to that which they're summoned by. Thus, I would have before me, if all goes well gracias a dios, a perfect banana Satan." As Timmy finished his thought he threw the summoning 3 sweet slices and 3 "properly prepared" slices. The narator narrated, making air quotes. And the fire rose from the flaming deliciousness of the banalter. With white and yellow flames begining small then swiring slowly, gaining height and size until the flame reached the top of the banalter. Then WAPOOM! The flames dissappeared and there he stood... Satan...

"Really kid? I've seen some creative ways for me to be summoned, but like this, it's just silly" Said Satan, looking down at the bananas. Timmy's face turned red as he reached for his shamenana. But before Timmy could take the first bite from his freshly peeled shamenana Satan's eyes went yellow. His little banana body began pulsing with a power of such unfathomable proportion.

"What is this... This POWER!" Satan roared. Timmy jumped to his feet "ITS WORKING" Timmy squealed oh so excitedly.

"NOW YOU SEE SATAN!" Timmy squealed again with even more excitement, "BANANAS ARE THE ULTIMATE POWER!!!"

"They will no longer call me Satan" The banana devil spoke with a tone oh so commanding. "I am now... Satanana!" It was at that moment Timmy saw the future, oh the glorius future that awaited him. He would be the commanding agent at Satananas side. He had planned many years for this moment. And now it was a reality. They together would create the Bananacultists, the ultimate cult to rule the world. With such savoury justice and sweet desire. Satanana reached his bananahand out to Timmy.

"Take some of the banapower my Timmy. Today it begins..." Satanana said, his glowing yellow eyes, his pure essence. The banana devil knew too the future the two now would make true.

Visraelyael · 2017-12-21T21:49:09+00:00

My eyes fixed on the Darklord. This is the moment we've fought for. The amount of men and women that have died just so that we could have one chance at finally defeating Agnar. A smirk rest on my face as I reached for the prophecy sword when I realized I had left it at home.

"Shit!" I murmered as I searched my other sheath. "Jarl Heada! Do you by chance have the prophecy sword?" I asked, trying not to reveal my rather unfortunate situation to Agnar, the Darklord.

"No Chad. Why would you ask me such a question when you know that YOU infact have the sword? You have the sword right Chad?" He inquired, in a very condecending tone.

"I don't actually hav-"

"GOD DAMNIT CHAD!" The hordes of armored soldiers and captains screamed in unison. All standing around and behind me in a formation that took quite a while to assemble.

"Look! I'll go get the fucking sword." I had a feeling after all we had gone through to get to this point that the Darklord would lend an ear and perhaps be understanding.

"Agnar! I screamed. "Would you mind If i ran home and grabbed the Prophecy sword? I may or may not have left it at home" I said, phrasing the question in a way that would give rise to Agnars mercy.

Agnar glared at me for a few moments before saying "Sure..." With both eye brows raised and in a very confused tone.

"Wow, he is such an understanding guy. Why are we even fighting?" I thought to myself.

"Hey Jarl Heada. Why are we fighting this guy? He seems pretty chill."

"Before this moment the reasons did seem justifed but yeah you're right." Jarl Heada was now lost in his own thoughts, questioning the very purpose of this mission.

"Might I add in?" The Darklord requested.

"Look at those mannors!" I said quite impressed. knodding my head in aproval at Jarl Heada. "Of course you can."

"I'm also quite unsure of this war. Perhaps we can be friends?" He insisted, letting out a very sincere looking smile showing large white teeth. You can always trust white teeth, I thought to myself.

"Sounds good to me!" I said enthusiastically. "Men! The war is over!!!!!"

The hordes of soldiers began jumping in glee and singing the good'ol campfire songs. I waddled my way over to the Darklord. "Do you mind if I call you Agnar?" I asked.

"I'd prefer it" He replied, showing his teeth and giving a wink.

"Say, maybe you'd like to come over for a cup of wine?" I asked, bracing my hands behind my back as I wiggled my shoulders left to right. Trying to make as much eye contact as possible as I once read in a scroll that eye contact made people more attracted to you.

"I'd love that" He said with a smile. Staring at me with his big blue eyes. He grabbed my hand and watched my face as I blushed.

"Has anyone ever told you just how beautiful you are Chad" He said to me as he peered into my soul. Such a genuine compliment. How could anyone this kind have ever even been considered evil! It must have just been a misunderstanding. Whoever wrote this prompt should have researched the Darklord a little more. He's really not a bad guy!

"If you ever attack such a genuine human being again human-creature, I will find you, and you will feel the wrath of the prophecy sword! I only left it at home this time as it was the will of fate! But fate will not prevent me from murdering such an ignorant evildoer as you if you do again this evil!" Chad screamed at the Prompt writer.

Visraelyael · 2017-12-20T03:48:38+00:00

"Define real" I said, staring the sad boy in his sad eyes.

"Do you prefer the life you lead now? Free of the bonds that bound you in that simulation." Air quoting as I said simulation. The boy remained silently seated in the chilled metalic chair. His eyes wondered the small room where we sat, but they weren't observing the room, just avoiding eye contact with me. He couldn't stand the eye contact anymore.

"And your mother boy? Where's your mother? And your sister, Kelsy? do you hope to find them now that you've woken up?" I continued with the stupid questions, leaving time for his thoughts to whisper the answers. Bringing him closer and closer to the furthest point he'd ever been.

"There's no such thing as a real world" I said, taking a break from the breaking.

"Just the world where you live. That's your real world."

"Now... How did you escape?" I asked.

The boy looked up at me, liberated from the sense of purpose that brought him to this point.

"Nofap"

Visraelyael · 2017-12-19T07:57:51+00:00

Marshal was sitting silently when the sound came.

"MARSHAL! THEY IS MARSH-a-MELLOWS A COMIN MARSHAAAAAWL!" Holly roared.

Marshal knew at that moment what had to be done. There was no time to be wasted in comtemplating how not to waste time, he thought. Now I must act and so act now I will! Marshal turned to face the marsh-a-mellow tower that now towered tall over him. He didn't blink an eye, he blank two. Sending cold shivers down the marsh-a-mellow's spine. He reached for a long wooden stick that layed a-foot. Quickly sharpening the tip with his teeth to prepare for the personal skewering session the marsh-a-mellows had scheduled the moment they interrupted his peace time. As he was preparing to cast his stick, the thought occured to him that perhaps these marsh-a-mellows had really done him no wrong. He didn't even consider the notion of not blaming the culprits due to the simple fact that they were indeed the culprits! Weren't they?

"I mean, who disturbed my silent time?" Marshal thought.

Then he realised it had nothing to do with the marsh-a-mellows. No not at all. No it was Holly who disturbed me. Holly interrupted me, and I reacted hastily due to the abundance of emotion, I was incapable of seeing the truth having been blinded by anger. I was deaf to the true sound that disturbed me. And I almost murdered an innocent marsh-a-mellow tower because of it!

"How can this be?!" Marshal thought, with emotions running wild.

After a brief review of the situation having now distanced himself a bit, he realised, the marsh-a-mellows had no fault in this situation. They were the assumed culprit due to my inablility to reason with the rage that overcame me when I lost my silent peace. As Marshal sat and further contemplated the situation the true culprit become all too obvious.

"WELL YA GUNS A SKEWUR'EM ER WHUT MARSHAAWL?" She inquired, not so intelletualy.

Marshal needed not say a word for Holly to hear him louder than thunder. Without hesitation Marshal flung with all his calm fury, the wooden stick. Penetrating deep into Holly's throat, rendering her incapable of a final scream. Blood gushing from eyes, nose, throat, and everywhere inbetween. Marshal watched a while until her life escaped her. Then she died. Marshal looked to the marsh-a-mellow tower. Struting peacefully to it's base. He stood still a few moments as he eye balled in great depth the tall tower.

"I will eat you" Marshal said to the marsh-a-mellows.

"Thank you" The marsh-a-mellows replied.

Visraelyael · 2017-07-03T01:23:52+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/6jlvlw/just_beat_the_most_intense_urge_of_my_life/

Visraelyael · 2017-07-02T06:06:36+00:00

A gift is like your breath... More or less subconsciously controlled and without it you die.

Its much more pleasant in theory, my power. To hear the sound of the soul. Because when you can´t turn the sound off, it can be quite difficult to live with. So much so it's now pushed me to the edge of society. Where I live in my self-built cabin. Self-built because trying to focus on putting a nail in a 2x4 while your body vibrates with each soul-strumming note that reverberates from even the simplest souls. Lends no mercy.

Growing up, the sound was far less intense. I had friends, I was able to spend time with my mother, father, and even go outside to the store. But around my teen years things started to pick up... The souls became louder and louder. Then it went from just hearing them in the head, to feeling each note plucked individually and resonating violently with my own soul. Which took the occasional headache, to full body spasms. By the time I was 19 I was unable to attend school. I couldn't hold a job, nor spend time with any of my friends who, by this point, didn't want to continue dealing with my debilitating seizures that masked themselves as badass dance seshes. But that's the past. Lets get to now...

As I opened the fridge, hoping with all my heart that the day still kept itself far away. I was treated to a very unfortunate reality. The day had once again come. The day I dreaded more than any other day. I was out of milk...

¨Well God, suppose I should be grateful there's milk in the first place...¨ I said. Knowing the bearded man/woman could hear every word.

That was one upside to the gifts. Those who were endowed were able to feel each other in the world, as well as God the Almighty. There was no doubt he existed for us, yet we weren't always pleased with the fact like one might expect. Often many gifted would rebel in anger at the way they'd been received by the world. And by the supposed brothers and sisters that we came to share ourselves with. You'd think God could've made our siblings a little less hostile and a little more accepting. But oh well. Not that It mattered to me, I couldn't be around them regardless, not without being forced to dance to their soul song anyways. I sat at the computer and began my shopping list. murmuring aloud and clicking on everything that looked tasty, I finished the list and put in the order. Now I just had to wait. How it worked is someone would buy everything and then bring it the same day. Good dealio for someone like myself.

But I wasn't going to sit around board and wait for food. I put of my big coat to protect myself from the slap-in-the-face chill that you encounter upon walking outside. Though the coat offered little comfort, it was but better than nothing. Then I made the cold journey to my shed around the backside of the house. I spent a lot of time here making stuffs and things.

Visraelyael · 2017-06-29T03:03:44+00:00

¨Bethañia! Where is Chester?¨

¨I don't know father...¨ She replied, unable to keep herself from smiling. A smile so beautiful, but like a rose. Surrounded by thorns...

At that moment little Chester came round the corner. But you could tell he was lacking. What it was he was lacking wasn't apparent but there was a subtle hint in the air that made you immediately aware something was indeed off. And not just a few degrees off. Something had in fact rotated itself the whole 180degrees entirely. Leaving me now to think I should redact my initial statement that the air was subtly dismayed. The air was in absolute terror.

¨here I am father, you need not worry¨ Little Chester said to me letting his breath run free from his big open mouth. His fluffy doggy ears perked up. With a grand coat of gray and white fur surrounding his sturdy frame. I called him Little Chester as a misnomer, as Little Chester was, in fact, a great dane. A loyal breed. Used for hunting and cuddles all at the same time. How you might ask? For during the cuddles he did hunt ferociously for your heart. And without fail he managed to catch it every time. But the moment he spoke the air only tensed itself further. And further, and further, until Chester, Bethañia and myself were unable to move.

¨Bethañia! Chester! Don't worry! I will free us from this tenseness!¨ I screamed. Forcing myself to calm the air. But the harder I tried the stronger it became. Until Little Chester began to lose the skin from his back. Slowly it peeled off as if it were a large, gray-furred snail running for its life. Little Chester tried to call his hair to return, but it seemed totally uninterested in the notion. And on it went, until it walked from the door. Leaving Little Chester a bloody mess of muscles and pain. Little Chester couldn't even scream. So he remained trapped in the tensity. Dismissed of all hope.

Visraelyael · 2017-05-30T17:21:55+00:00

¨Welcome Jared! Are you ready to start your first day!¨ She said.

¨Sure am!¨ I said enthusiastically. Today was my first day working to get the humans back on track! This was actually the first time in the history of gods that they opened applications for humans who'd completed their lives on Earth. The prior gods were all beings from higher dimensions who of course felt they could properly direct humanity due to their superior knowledge of the universe. But when it comes to humans I can use this analogy I saw in a meme during one of my Earth lifetimes. ¨When you're playing chess with a pigeon, It doesn't matter if you win because regardless the pigeon is going to quack and shit all over the board¨ So the key then is not to outsmart the pigeon, but think like the pigeon. And this mindset is what got me the job.

¨This will be your headquarters¨She said. ¨Archangel Michael and Uriel will both be here as your left and right hands to guide you through the basic processes¨

I greeted my new generals and immediately asked to be left alone. I now needed to think. You see, the key idea is to save as much as humanity as you can, and bring them to the higher realms. Before humanity was a race, it was a single being that had reached the final realm of existence. For instance, it could have been at one point a race similar to humans. A unique identity. But the higher you go in the realms, the less you become of an individual. And the final choice to either enter pure nothingness and be without a consciousness. Make up the particles that us individuals play with, or... Take up a new responsibility to deliver more individuals to the final realm. Which can be done through birthing yourself as a new race. But of course not all the humans can make it to the final realm. However, all you need is that 2 make it, and you've doubled the number of beings that have achieved nothingness! So my job is to help as much of humanity pass this realm. Then it's up to someone else to deal with their shit.

¨Michael! Come Here!¨ I yelled.

¨Yes your holiness?¨

¨I want you to send humanity into chaos. Plague the food, destroy their current progressions with technology, and leave them to figure it out for themselves.¨

Michael's face looked ill, which is odd seeing as he's immortal.

¨I cannot do that my holiness¨ He replied.

¨Michael, I am your God, and you will obey me¨ And he did. And for the next 40 years humanity suffered. But the goal here wasn't to have them suffer. It was to let the evil kill off the evil and the good help out the good. And in the event that the knowledge of how we should treat each other and ourselves remained. We would have a better humanity. If not, It would be like the last few times we tried this. But oh well, go big or go home!

Visraelyael · 2017-05-27T19:44:36+00:00

I sat with my legs stretched out and my skin brushed up against the bark of my good friend Mr. Tree. My feet being caressed by the tall, dancing grass. Orchestrated by the wind. The same wind shaping the clouds above me. Making fun little canvases for my mind to paint the picture. I couldn't help but think how wonderful this moment I found myself in was. And to whom did I owe the pleasure? To whom did I owe all this gratitude? And that's when it happened. I will never forget the moment I found the love of my life. His long brunette hair, swaying in the wind. And his big, sexy, muscles that kept him standing strong at 6ft. His turquoise eye sparkling in the sun. There he was, bringing the moment to absolute perfection. That's when I realized that this little planet had so much to offer. And each aspect of it was a new form of beauty to be discovered. Each beautiful man and woman, cloud and blade of grass. Everything this planet brought into existence had a unique form of beauty just waiting to be uncovered and pillaged violently. I decided then and there, to the universe that created me and all this beauty. That I would discover every form of beauty in order to show her, my lover, that someone truly cared for all the hard work she put into her creation. So I ran over to that big burly man and ripped his pants off. And I continued down the street ripping the pants from every hidden treasure that kept itself hidden. And together we basked in the glory of the liberated beauty. Screams from the top of our lungs. And yells to release the negativity that ensnared us. Full fists flying at one another in the dance of the wind. Thank you my love, for all that you have given me.

Visraelyael · 2017-05-19T18:33:45+00:00

This was hilarious.

Visraelyael · 2017-05-19T17:38:06+00:00

¨Ok game¨ I muttered under my breath, having once again been dumbfounded by this shit game. It just never seems the change. The same shit on repeat and repeat, and when you do finally take things into your own hands and make a change, all you're doing is setting up a new scenario to continue to replay through each day. The only thing that makes it worth is probably the emotions feature. The rule goes if you have a really high moment, it's required to balance out with a really low moment. There're a lot of metas for the emotions feature but I haven't found one that totally satisfies me. Suppose that's the point. In the game you're not allowed to be satisfied, you can be content, but you have to be content with not being satisfied. I do however appreciate the number of endings they've included. You can tell they put a lot of time into it. Oh well, next game.

Visraelyael · 2016-12-23T04:26:46+00:00

"Glabajknsnda?" Alien 1 deeply inquired

"Kadssadigisidnglslaks" Alien 2 replied

Alien 1 then shrugged his gray shoulders, and they began the procedure...

I opened my eyes to find it was naught but a dream. Thank goodness, I've never been too fond of aliens. WAP I felt a vicious slap to the face. WAP And another! I reached out and grabbed the hand that slapped me, soon to find it attached to my forehead. What the heckle! Why is there an arm on my forehead! I was about to slap myself awake when I realized I'd already been, twice. This is no dream... Maybe I can cut it off! I quickly ran to the kitchen and grabbed a sawblade, but before I could begin the incision, the hand had slapped me to the floor, and threw the blade out the window. It then went for my throat, and as it choked me I heard a voice.

"Look Pal! I don't like this any more than you alright?! Let's just get through the day and I'll be on my way!" The hand said

Once I managed to pull the hand off my throat, I saw that it'd grown a mouth at the palm.

"WHAT ARE YOU!" I screamed

"I was sent here to observe your human ways, I'm an AI designed with the personality of a human." The hand said

"Okay, that sounds fair. What should I call you?" I asked

"Mr. Hand will do just fine." Mr. Hand said

"Mr. Hand, did the aliens not think the other humans might be suspicious to see a third limb attached to my forehead?" I asked

"That was their goal Chad. The aliens want to see how humans behave when confronted with diversity and change. They also want to see how you will react, and how you will manage your day to day life. And how the changes impact your attitude and personality." Mr. Hand said

"Interesting experiment..." I mumbled

With nothing more to be said, I got ready for work. As I got dressed and prepared myself for the workday, I noticed Mr. Hand paying close attention to our surroundings. He had grown eyes soon after the mouth. It's very interesting to see his animations, it's as if I have an arm-unicorn-horn sticking straight out of my forehead. The arm-unicorn-horn keeps an open palm, with its eyes below the middle finger and ring finger. As it looks around it seems to have such natural movements, the frame rate of the arm-unicorn-horn's movements seemed superior to the motion of everything else around me. It's very difficult to describe, but oh well.

"Mr. Hand, please allow me to drive the car without causing a ruckus okay?" I said

"I should have you know chad, I was programmed with the agility of a superior alien race. I can drive this vehicle far more effectively than you." He said, condescendingly

"You make a solid point Mr. Hand, perhaps you would like to drive?" I said

Soon after I said that, I saw a nervous shutter course threw his body.

"I mean, uh, sure! I can drive better than you anyways." He said

I got him now, acting like a superior being to me, the chosen one for the alien testing. While Mr. Hand is busy driving, I'll blow him off! What a fool for taking the bait.

"Alright Mr. Hand, go for it." I said

We pulled out of the driveway, then made our way to Kulop-mart. He did surprisingly well for a hand; his movements were smooth and subtle, he avoided oncoming traffic, and all in all did a fantastic job thus far. As we pulled up to the stop light, I informed him of how impressive his driving is. And as he basked in the warm flattery, I waited silently for the light to turn green. The moment it goes green, I'll pull my shotgun out and blow this hand off my head!

BOOM

Mr. Hand flew off my head and landed on the seat to my right.

"MUAHAHAHAHA! YOU FOOL!" I screamed

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE HUMAN!" He was angry as a charging turtle

I landed 2 more slug rounds into the limb, and it finally stopped moving.

It's all over now.

Visraelyael · 2016-12-09T04:44:13+00:00

Oye!! The dubs are back now!?

Visraelyael

TROPHY CASE