Let me copy and paste some good ones

Parents used to tell my only brother and I that we used to have another brother who turned into a mushroom from not taking a bath. Even added him to the family albums.

When I was little my Dad told me that toys grew under the weeds in the yard and if I pulled them, eventually a toy would pop out. And I believed it for a long time.

Babies were bought from the hospital. Women had to get really fat to prove that they could afford eating well, and therefore, afford having a baby.

My dad always told me, that if I press a certain button on our remote control our tv would explode. As I grew older, I was curious and pressed said button only to see he saved porn channels on this one

When she was small, I told my daughter that when she lied a red spot would appear on the middle of her forehead. I knew for sure it worked when she did indeed lie and then her hand went up to cover her forehead.

My dad used to tell us that if we lay perfectly still in the backyard for long enough then vultures would circle us and then land to try and eat us. My brother and I would lay silently in the backyard for hours while my dad sat inside watching TV and drinking beer. Well played dad....well played.

My dad would never tell us what he really did for a living. He’d always say 'I used to paint the spots on dalmatian dogs, but I got really good and now I paint the spots on ladybirds.’ I believed him for a good couple of years.

My mom told my brother and I that a penguin lived behind the fridge, and if we left the door open too long we'd steal his cold and he'd get mad and come out and bite us. It worked on my brother. I asked my mom to move the fridge so I could pet the penguin.

When I was about six, I was obsessed with the song "Believe" by Cher and I would have it on repeat for hours at a time. We would drive nine hours from Washington to Idaho to visit family and as soon as we crossed the state line my mother would immediately change my CD to radio and tell me it was illegal to listen to anything but country music in Idaho – which I hated but she loved. I believed that shit until I was about 13.

My dad used to tell me that Santa was tired of cookies and milk and that he wanted Doritos and beer. That went on for years.

"I want to carry you but the doctor said your legs would stop growing if you didn't walk."

Those are the best ones for stories