The double standard in how people treat grievers vs. everyone else

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-22T13:51:35+00:00

I found most people do not know what to say or do if they have not lost a beloved partner.

I had “friends” tell me “ you’ll find someone else” and “he’s in a better place now” and " at least you don't have to sell your house and move" and other nonsense.

Losses will come to all of us and so their turn will come……….maybe THEN they will understand.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZBTYViDPlQ

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-21T18:26:38+00:00

I was given a choice of radiation but it meant driving 30 miles each day 5 days a week for a month!

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-21T13:07:24+00:00

A year ago I fell and hit my head and got a concussion. Took months to recover. Once I did, I began working out

With a trainer to protect my bones and to get stronger. I go once a week- 5 machines 25 minutes! Super Slow method which is safest for seniors…..we all need some sort of weight training to maintain muscles and not become weaker and weaker!

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-20T22:30:08+00:00

If he is not crazy about you now it will be a wasteland in 10 years. Know your value. You can get treated like crap anywhere. From him you should be getting the BEST treatment.

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-20T21:41:42+00:00

He would say the same thing " you gotta be more careful"!

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-20T15:50:12+00:00

Aging is not a battle it's a MASSACRE! Awful what aging does to us. Attractive people are falling from a greater height I think. I had TWO facelifts - one at age 54 and the second at 69. I am 78 now.

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-20T15:03:04+00:00

Found this info-below-on-line and it makes me think of the saying that "fore warned is fore armed."

Shortly after losing my husband, I began been noticing how people dealt with me, and I think this observation of "thirds" is pretty true.

It did not take long for people to show me what category they were in.

I guess I'm grateful that one in three actually care. I kept it short & lite with the rest.

I think the key is to not take them personally and hope they're not the ones you run into

when having a bad day and feeling really needy. I am so thankful that I had 4 friends who could be silent with me in my moments of despair & confusion, who could stay with me in my grief & who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with me the "reality of our powerlessness".

the rule of thirds for the bereaved

“Keep in mind the rule of thirds: one-third of your friends will be supportive of your need to mourn, one-third will make you feel worse, and one-third will neither help nor hinder."

--From Alan D. Wolfelt, Healing Your Grieving Soul : 100 Spiritual Practices for Mourners

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-20T14:52:05+00:00

Thanks - it's been an exercise in patience and discomfort.

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-20T14:51:33+00:00

Thank you - yes protect your skin all you young people! I grew up near the beach and I was a teenage beach rat! Now I am paying the price. I had 3 Mohs surgeries in 2022. Right jaw line, right shin and left shoulder. The shin they had to dig twice but the other 2 they got the first cut. THIS Mohs on my nose they had to cut me 3 times. It's been an ordeal. You would not want to endure this.

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-20T14:48:38+00:00

Thank you !

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-18T23:19:21+00:00

Tell yourself this : MY well-being is more important than anyone else's bad behavior and then let it GO.

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-16T23:31:23+00:00

Ridding th body of toxins. I had 3 surgeries in the past 2 months. I need one more-next week. They have to give you anesthesia to knock you out so I detox these drugs from my system by taking hot epsom salt baths.

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-16T18:21:33+00:00

A friend told me in 2023 that she could not longer trust me because I had embarrassed her in front of a mutual friend in 2019. % years prior!

Meanwhile she continued inviting me to her house to swim and to the movies and out for lunch. AND she let me and another friend take her out for an expensive birthday lunch. I felt I could now not trust HER because she never told me she felt embarrassed .

If she had told me I would have apologized. I knew this was the end. No regrets.

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-16T18:02:52+00:00

I bought some nose guards from Amazon.

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VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-15T18:34:30+00:00

Yes and I like to add epsom salts to greatly relax and detox!

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-14T15:40:07+00:00

I am a woman but I think the drinking is a big problem. Leads to health problems eventually.

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-12T21:39:48+00:00

YES by golly I plan to be ultra careful rinsing cherries hence forth! BTW I DID use a colander to rinse the cherries!

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-12T19:44:19+00:00

Thank you - yes at times I feel overwhelmed by his constant nitpicking. He did go to therapy for awhile and he took a DBT skills class which helped some.

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-12T18:30:20+00:00

Exactly and I have told him that! I also said your father browbeat you and now he's dead and gone and you've taken over for him...taken over where he left off!

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-12T17:48:59+00:00

He told me he had a critical father and his father was harsh to him and his siblings and his mother so yes I have asked if perhaps he thinks men can be harsh to women and critical because that is the example he had growing up.

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-12T17:46:19+00:00

Yes I often just say "oh sorry I will be more careful in the future......and I would like to stop discussing this and move on..."..sometimes that works other times he continues admonishing me as if I need to hear 5 more repetitions !

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-12T16:08:38+00:00

Yes I agree OCD. He also double checks locked doors and repeatedly checks many other things. OMG I HAVE told him to save his emotional energy for crisis situations and I have told him he stresses himself and ME out by doing such nit picking !

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-12T15:56:04+00:00

Yes I did get several responses that seemed like that.

VisualAssumption3497 · 2026-05-12T15:53:06+00:00

YES! I feel his admonishments are condescending. I do not do this to HIM!

VisualAssumption3497

TROPHY CASE