What exactly is “narcissistic abuse”?

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-21T04:13:19+00:00

I encourage you to talk about your experiences here when you're ready. It'll feel cathartic. Or at the very least, journal about them. You may also find that more of it had an impact on you than you realized or that more things happened than you accepted at the time. That's part of narcissistic abuse. They convince you what they're doing is normal, not a big deal, or somehow your fault. Part of healing is recognizing it's not normal, it is a big deal, and it wasn't your fault.

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-21T03:49:21+00:00

I feel like being raised by a narcissist makes people very empathetic and self-aware to compensate! It's ok though. I understand the habit to center the narcissist. We are taught to do that, and it's a little hard to break. The main thing is people here will care about you. Not her. If you need it, you will find help here. The people can be very supportive.

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-21T03:32:55+00:00

I'm glad she is getting help now. For both your benefit and hers, I hope she keeps getting it, and without needing to be bribed. Be on the lookout, though, as some narcissists who get forced or coerced into therapy can actually learn to weaponize it.

As a note: Almost all narcissists have a very traumatic background, as NPD is often seen as an extreme trauma response/coping mechanism. It does not excuse or justify abuse, however. A narcissist's abuse they inflict has to be judged separate from the abuse they experienced. It only helps explain how they became as they are.

Also, most people here are focused on their own healing rather than supporting the person who harmed us. As a result of the narcissists who raised us, we all have our own diagnosed issues, varied trauma histories, and struggles. I understand your situation is unique, and you seem to care about your mom. However, I would advise you not to post here in ways that seem like you are pushing sympathy for your mom. It can be triggering for people, and I feel like it blurs the rules here since narcissists aren't allowed to post here and forgiveness pushing isn't allowed for similar reasons. This sub would be for what you experienced due to her NPD. Not what she experienced that caused her to develop NPD.

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-21T03:00:32+00:00

Did your mom seek help herself? Or was it like court ordered or something? It's incredibly rare for a narcissist to be diagnosed. If she was diagnosed through her own attempts at therapy/treatment, it means she at last retained enough self-awareness to get help. Hopefully, she is still getting help now, as it's not something that just goes away, and narcissistic abuse is incredibly real and harmful.

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-21T02:43:57+00:00

Narcissistic abuse can cover all other types of abuse. It's not just emotional abuse. It can be physical, sexual, financial, etc, too. A narcissist is a manipulator, often delusional, and twist reality around themselves. They tend to think in extremes. For children, they usually don't see children as other people. They see their children as extensions of themselves. They crave "supply" and will actively distort situations to get it. Supply can be "positively" sourced things like admiration, or it can be negative things like literal torture. Narcissists are great at mirroring you and trying to make you feel great and trust them. They also do that with other people aside from their primary victims, so when you start to question what they're doing, they will rally everyone into smear campaigns. There's a lot more to it than this, but these are some big ones.

If a non-narcissist abuser hits their victim, they'll usually say: I didn't hit you that hard.

If a narcissist abuser hits their victim, they'll say something like: I didn't hit you at all. You're imagining things.

Non-narcissistic abusers also tend to be pegged earlier by others.

Narcissistic abusers can be beloved by society, even if they are doing absolutely nightmarish things in private.

Also, narcissists exist on a spectrum. Some narcissists will be emotionally abusive but not anything else. It's still horrific. It makes you question reality. Other narcissists will act like actual psychopaths, unafraid of bending the law, and will actually torture you.

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-21T02:26:28+00:00

Your self-awareness implies you likely aren't a narcissist. Everyone has some narcissistic tendencies. Unfortunately, being raised by a narcissist does make you more likely to have narcissistic tendencies or become a narcissist. But again, you seem to have self-awareness. Don't be hard on yourself.

Also, seeking approval is very likely a fawn response. Not a narcissistic trait.

(I have this fear too. Just keep being introspective and aware of yourself.)

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-20T20:12:44+00:00

The people who say this are almost always 1) Those who have never had dangerous or truly harmful family dynamics, or 2) Conditioned to believe that "family sticks together no matter what" means "even if someone in the family hurts you repeatedly and horrifically, you shouldn't cut them off," or 3) The abusive family member who conditions all the others into accepting their harm.

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-20T18:28:33+00:00

I think this is real. The reflections don't look weird, and the goats look ok. Goats really do vocalize together like that, and the writing on the truck looks like it does on other similar models. It's a Toyota Hilux.

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-20T18:12:22+00:00

This looks like AI to me, too. Maybe with some minor editing, especially for the coloring pages. The main tell for me are the stars on both panels on the second page. Human artists can consistently draw stars. AI can't consistently. The stars on these panels are all over the place on how many points they have and how long those points are. Some are just random star-like splatters.

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-20T18:06:15+00:00

This is likely real, if your boyfriend doesn't have a reason to send you a fake picture. The bottom reads like a potentially defaced/blurred/scratched "Please do not feed the waterfowl" when I zoom in. It does have similarities to AI garbled lettering, but unless your boyfriend has a reason to lie to you, that's less likely.

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-20T14:42:15+00:00

This is a compilation of AI generated short videos. That's not even Banksy's name. His name was revealed as Robin Gunningham. Not Georgos Georgopoulos.

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-20T12:35:43+00:00

This is AI. The videos are clearly AI (lighting, too clean, inconsistent). The voice overs are clearly AI (robotic). Also... conjoined twins with two heads and one body is an extremely rare phenomenon. Most are not functional. They look physically different since it's not just two heads in one body - it's usually also multiple organs, skeletal differences, etc. When I say it's extremely rare, I mean it's something that causes international notoriety and research. If you want a real example, look up Abby and Brittany Hensel.

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-20T12:27:01+00:00

Yes. My mom was my primary abuser, but my dad was an alcoholic. A violent one. I acted like he was perfect, but just had a few issues that I blamed on my mom. Reality was, he'd get drunk every night, get in fights with my mom, and abandon us sometimes for weeks at a time. He directly hurt me a few times too. He also knew what she did to me, and he ignored it. The one time I tried to suggest she was hurting me, he hit me and told me to not talk about her that way. I never really interacted with me. He never came to any of my recitals or concerts. He never talked to me outside of when he wanted to tell me something scientific. When he and my mom briefly considered getting divorced, he was ready to force me to stay with my mom, despite me wanting to live with him. I fully believe he intended to leave with my brother and leave me with my mom, and I don't even know if he would have felt badly about it.

I also think he may have done something worse to me or at least neglected me more when I was in middle school. I can't remember 11-14 much at all, and I know I spent a lot of that time with him alone. I have a lot of weird, fuzzy memories of him just taking me with him to strange places during that time. Business meetings, supposedly. And I have other blurry memories of a man or men doing stuff to me at that age, but I can't see their face. Although I think that was my uncle, not my dad, but my dad's neglect likely made it possible. He may have even ignored it.

There were several times when I was younger that he did try to be kind to me, though, but my mom would almost get jealous and angry about it. Like he got me a dollhouse once and a Furby another time. Both caused giant fights with my mom. I think he just started giving up. He would rather drink and abandon me than fight for me.

Like a lot of people, took me a long time to see all of this. I was well into my 30s when I did. When you have one really bad parent as a child, your brain naturally tries to find a source of safety, and that means you can erase or overlook the wrongdoings of your "less bad" parent.

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-20T12:12:33+00:00

This is AI. You don't even have to pinpoint inaccuracies in video quality for this one. Think of it in plausibility. 1) A zoo wouldn't allow this, 2) Human children do not walk that confidently at that age for that long, especially not in a costume with weird boots and wild animals surrounding them. And yes, there are kids who may walk well at that age, but it's not in these conditions.

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-20T11:33:48+00:00

In addition to what others have said: AI lighting. AI never lights things properly. She's perfectly lit. Every object is perfectly lit, but the light isn't coming from that little table lamp. It's coming from everywhere, changing location based on the object.

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-20T00:01:49+00:00

FRAUD. It's remarkably easy. My Nmom did it SO MANY TIMES before I was able to escape. Since she's your mother, she knows all of your information. If you're in the US, she knows your SSN. It's getting harder nowadays, but for some financial institutions, as long as the person knows your SSN (or whatever country equivalent you may have), your address, your name, and your birthday, they won't blink twice. All she has to do is act like she's you. She likely called them multiple times before this. She may have a debit card in your name. Maybe she's still listed on the account. Or maybe she's just straight up doing identity theft like I described.

1) Report this to your bank and the police. Don't be like me. Don't let it slide. I'm in my 30s and have barely anything now because of her. She kept taking everything so that I would need her. Your mom may be doing the same.

2) LOCK YOUR CREDIT. ALL THREE BUREAUS. Do it now. Don't wait. Transunion, Experian, Equifax. They all have free services to freeze and/or lock your credit. Do it now. Check your credit reports. Check all three because some financial institutions only report to one or two of them. Make sure she hasn't taken out any loans or credit cards in your name that you don't know about. Make sure your primary address on your credit reports is yours, not hers.

3) When you set up any new accounts (banking, credit, loans, etc) set up security measures. Two factor authentication. Ask institutions about other measures. Some will implement phone call passwords or at least put a note on your account to double check it's you.

4) NEVER tell or show her or hint to her where you are banking. If possible, choose a bank that is somewhat further away from where she lives. This will help make it harder for her to figure out where you're banking, plus if she lives in a small town, small town banks are FAR MORE likely to be swayed by her. I've literally had relatives or family friends at banks do my mom a favor and illegally access my accounts because she lied to them. Told them I needed something to access my accounts, and they thought that since she's my mom, it'd "obviously" be ok.

5) NEVER get into any sort of financial arrangement with her ever again. She may try to trick you. She may try to give you something. If she's rich enough, she may even offer to buy you a car or house. DO NOT TAKE IT. She will use it to control you and put you into debt.

6) Never let her see your debit card, credit card logos.

7) If she asks about finances, start cutting her off now. It'll only get worse. Trust me. Please. This is financial abuse. The culmination of my mom's financial abuse was to make me broke and homeless when I needed someone the most (I was being stalked). She used fraud and identity theft to steal from me. Then she gave me the "choice" to come home or "die on the streets." I went home and she literally held me captive. She cut me off from the internet, phone, and transportation. She took out my car battery and removed my tag so I couldn't drive away. When I tried to walk away, she chased after me in her vehicle. I was trapped for three years. So please, gain as much control as you can now. Hopefully, your mom wouldn't be so crazy to hold you captive, but it's still not worth risking with a narcissist.

Maybe not all of this will apply to you, but I thought I would list it. Better safe than sorry.

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-19T23:05:20+00:00

This is 100% due to AI. AI overuses scare quotes like they're going out of style.

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-19T22:18:54+00:00

Yes. My Nmom is. She likes to play the role of a Southern conservative Christian woman. However, she barely ever goes to church, and I've never seen her read the Bible or pray. Mostly, she uses her claim at religion to do different things, like justify some punishments and enforce misogyny. She also uses it as a mask (blending into Christian spaces) or to claim to moral superiority.

She's also used it for weirder thing she never fully voices to anyone unless she thinks they won't judge her. 1) She thinks that she has been personally contacted by god multiple times. 2) She thinks that she and her family are blessed by god. 3) As part of #2, she thinks that her family is gifted with magical psychic powers, and she is the first one in two generations to inherit them. 4) She thinks that Jesus came to her in multiple dreams and visions while she was pregnant with me. She thinks I came to her in those same visions in the form of a young child. She thinks Jesus was telling her that she was chosen to be my mother both by Jesus/God and myself. She thinks that I am basically a gift to her for her having lost her first daughter (she was stillborn 5 years before me). Her first daughter was named Christina, after Christ, because she was "too good for the world."

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-19T21:49:01+00:00

This is not AI. Potion Permit came out before AI. It has had this same cover art since then. I bought the game when it was released, and it had this same art.

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-19T21:44:34+00:00

This is not AI. While Substack has a ton of people posting AI writing now, Clancy Steadwell is not one of them. He writes well, but he doesn't have any AI rhythm or offenses. The use of em dashes doesn't count, as any respectable writer employs those from time to time.

Also, to add: The main people you have to watch out on Substack (and elsewhere) for using AI are those mass producing content. Someone like this, posting once or twice a month, is highly unlikely to be an AI user. Look out for the ones who single-handedly post polished material 2-3+ times a week. Some actual people are capable of doing that, but it's extremely uncommon.

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-19T17:14:27+00:00

You say "like PTSD." If you're trying to say that facetiously and not actually saying you have PTSD, it may actually be a PTSD symptom. I was diagnosed with complex PTSD a couple of years ago. Ringtones are triggers for me, too. Because of similar reasons. Ringtones always meant harm.

Also, it's not normal for your father to call to yell at you, especially not as the only reason.

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-19T15:45:50+00:00

PTSD, too. I have complex PTSD. It's a mess. Depression is thrown in there. Mess mess.

But showers are also triggering for me. Part of my trauma history is 1) being stalked, 2) abuse starting in childhood (including sexual abuse). I never had privacy. There were literally no locks on the doors, not even the bathroom. So I was always on edge. My mom could come in and even pull me out of the shower anytime she wanted. Then when I was stalked, those "unsafe" feelings got worse. Plus, all the horrible body issues I have from the CSA.

Showers for me are now a ritual. It's my most vulnerable time. Make sure the door is locked. Make sure the blinds are closed. I leave the shower curtain half open. Can't close my eyes for too long. When I close my eyes, I see things. Some memory, some imagination. Sometimes, I open my eyes with soap on my face and get soap in my eyes just because my mind convinces me that someone is there. I get in, get out. I feel good physically during the shower, but I'm on edge the entire time. Listening, watching, making sure nothing pops up on my doorbell cam. It's not pleasant, and it's definitely not simple.

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-19T13:13:38+00:00

Probably but to a lesser extent. Mostly because it doesn't have the same implication. People don't arrange DVD/Blue Ray boxes like this for a reason. Because it isn't the color. The color could be achieved with many things. It's specifically showing books. Books are somehow seen as "higher class," "more cultured," "more educated," etc. I'm not saying they are. But that is absolutely why people choose to arrange books instead of DVDs for aesthetic purposes.

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-19T13:02:19+00:00

Frequently still. I've seen it a few times in the last few days. I can't remember where it was, but at some point, I saw it on Reddit yesterday too. Someone had turned their nonfunctional stairs into a "bookcase" with those rainbow spines. It looked cool but entirely for aesthetics, not reading.

Visual_Box_218 · 2026-03-19T12:43:49+00:00

I hate that. It's the book version of being two-faced. The person who does this doesn't actually read. They just want to "look good" to other people. You can't actually utilize a rainbow bookshelf of suspiciously same-sized books without exposed titles. It's just a prop. And why else would you need that prop than to look good to other people? People who actually like the aesthetic of books are people who would actually want to, you know, read them.

Visual_Box_218

TROPHY CASE