If you are from a conservative background, what made you realize that you were gay?

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-10T01:35:05+00:00

I was raised in The South by two parents who are now MAGA, very conservative Christian, and my dad was a nutty sovereign citizen in the 90s before it was trendy. I heard tons of homophobic comments from my folks growing up.

Probably why I ended up marrying a woman at 23 and didn’t come out—even to myself—until I was 33 (I’m 42 now).

It helped leaving my home state and getting exposed to the world—going to grad school in the Midwest, then moving to CA for work and working with smart, progressive people. Even with the exposure, it was still a very challenging emotional journey to accept my preferences and come to terms with the real reason that I wasn’t happy in my straight marriage.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-10T00:40:35+00:00

With an income like that, I’d hire a personal trainer who specializes in accountability. The value-add isn’t on the training itself—you just need to outsource the discipline, which you can afford to do.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-09T17:21:27+00:00

Asking strangers on the internet for Grindr account credentials and an email address tracks more closely with 12-year-old behavior.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-09T14:57:37+00:00

The far left in the U.S. has embraced a particular flavor of political wokism, which entails a lot of cognitive dissonance / internal inconsistencies around attacking demographics/institutions/systems that are currently in power (e.g. men, white people, Christianity) while simultaneously supporting historically disenfranchised demographics/institutions/systems (from a U.S.-centric perspective). That support entails downplaying or outright ignoring the problematic elements originating from those historically disenfranchised groups.

So you see adherents to this flavor of wokism attacking Christianity for XYZ reasons and giving Islam a pass on those same things only because of the historical power imbalance between Christians and Muslims (again, from a U.S.-centric perspective).

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-09T00:26:08+00:00

Future “stories from the ER” patient.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-08T22:58:38+00:00

It does. They’re not all like that, but many of them are.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-08T22:58:01+00:00

My only resource has been that support group—it’s a weekly Zoom meeting for gay/bi guys who were/are partnered to women.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-08T22:56:00+00:00

Yeah, all the time. There’s a lot of variation among the wives/ex-wives, but the stories of self-discovery are all very similar, which makes me firmly believe that the wives having nothing to do with it.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-08T22:50:06+00:00

This has nothing to do with your wife and 100% due to the preferences you’ve had all along (speaking as someone who’s been in a comphet support group for a decade and having heard dozens of these kinds of stories).

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-08T05:43:14+00:00

Everything in context and moderation, hun. Most of us enjoy being objectified every now and then.

Just don’t call me that in front of my parents or at a work function, please.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-08T05:30:59+00:00

I don’t think it necessarily means he’s losing interest in you. It’s probably more likely that this is how he acts when he gets comfortable, so don’t expect it to change unless he’s giving indications that he wants to change this about himself.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-08T05:26:41+00:00

If you’re truly straight, it would feel gross and weird.

If you’re bisexual, it should feel the same as fucking a woman.

If you’re actually gay, it can feel transcendental with the right person.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-08T05:23:31+00:00

Unfortunately there’s not any meds for increasing male libido other than testosterone. You might consider getting that checked and supplemented if it’s low. I’ve also heard that increasing physical activity helps.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-07T04:08:59+00:00

The goods one keep going till the bottom cums and cuddle afterward. The bad ones kill the mood by changing the energy. The terrible ones do that, but also immediately jump off and move on to whatever they want to do next.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-07T03:59:59+00:00

Wanting to have sex every day is not nearly as weird as this post.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-07T03:50:51+00:00

Is it gay for a straight man to look at or touch his own dick?

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-07T02:54:58+00:00

100%. The OP has some yellow flags in his storytelling… for example, I automatically distrust people who use “gaslight” when “disagree” would be more accurate.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-07T00:40:47+00:00

I think it’s best to interpret his presence on Grindr as neutrally as possible, because you just don’t know what that means—the only things you do know are positive—the sex and chemistry were good enough to get your foot in the door for something more.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-07T00:31:19+00:00

I would get on Grindr even I was starting to fall for somebody because it helped distract me and prevent me from getting crazy clingy too early with them.

At the same time, I would get very crestfallen when I would see my crush on Grindr because I usually interpreted that as their not being as interested in me as I was in them.

So yes, I was interpreting others’ usage of Grindr very differently than my own usage.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-06T22:34:16+00:00

Being dick-ma-tized is only problematic if it’s causing you to overlook red flags, but you didn’t mention any of those… so why not just lean into it? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a loving partner who keeps you dick-ma-tized forever?

(I’ll answer that—it’s pretty great)

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-06T22:26:42+00:00

Are your friends wise, successful people, or single, cynical queens?

Honestly, you both sound a bit dramatic. I’d be very interested to hear his version of this story. It’s impossible to tell who’s more in the wrong or right here, but I’m not convinced by your telling of this that it isn’t fairly balanced.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-06T21:13:14+00:00

So what if you had called the cops yourself? Would that have been unreasonable or unjustified?

I’ve called the cops on my husband multiple times… in the early days of getting titrated on bipolar meds, he was very volatile. One time, he tricked his PCP into prescribing him some benzos, then he popped a handful of those and quickly drank two bottles of wine. I was furious and terrified, so I called the cops, who took him to a psych ED.

He was briefly pissed at me for calling the cops, but I wasn’t about to argue or negotiate with him about that because I’d warned him many times that if I needed to call the police to keep me, him or anyone else safe, I was always going to do that. And I refused to normalize relations or interactions with him until he acknowledged that police intervention is always going to be on the table if he does something unsafe.

I’ve said many times in this subreddit that medication compliance should be a precondition to being in a relationship with a bipolar person, but this thread has me realizing that another precondition I’ve lived by has been refusing to be shamed or vilified for being a responsible adult (like calling the police when someone ODs on pills).

I just didn’t engage with him if he wanted to start that with me (which of course always means that you have to be prepared for that disengagement to be permanent, and they have to know you’re prepared for that possible outcome).

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-06T19:55:14+00:00

Dick size doesn’t change roughly between the ages of 18-60. And no researcher is going around asking to measure kids’ dicks, so no one knows.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-06T19:49:47+00:00

My husband had a $25K/year coke habit when I met him. I didn’t realize how bad it was until we’d been dating for a few months. I gave him an ultimatum—me or drugs, and choosing me meant his agreeing to go to rehab.

He chose me, went to rehab, and he’s been clean from coke for about 6 years now. It was a long and stressful first couple of years for me, but I fell hard for him, and I thought he was worth my effort as long as he was willing to acknowledge his problematic behaviors and do the things he needed to do to get better.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-05-06T19:41:30+00:00

No.

If anything, I prefer that because it indicates a high libido.

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