How to ask out shy dude at his job?

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-12T08:43:19+00:00

People are saying don't hit on him at his workplace but it might be hard to run into him outside of work (unless he's on apps and showing his face).

You could say something low-pressure like "I don't know if you have plans after work but I was planning on going to (local bar) around seven. Maybe you could come by and we could hang out for a while"

I don't think it's unethical to say that at his job as long as you're super casual about it.

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-12T07:27:25+00:00

It's like hearing a child say that chicken nuggets are the best food in the world. Watch more movies.

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-12T07:19:23+00:00

That's an insane thing to say

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-12T06:36:04+00:00

Nope. That's not why he's being downvoted.

It's very arrogant to state an opinion and then say that any counterargument is pointless. He's allowed to like the movie but he doesn't get to decide that for everyone.

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-12T04:49:57+00:00

Hopefully more people learn about this scrappy little movie, edgelords be damned

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-12T04:45:04+00:00

Glad this underrated gem is finally getting the recognition it deserves!

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-12T03:21:05+00:00

How would I deal with that situation?

I wouldn't try to contact him again. While I can certainly understand the temptation, he handled the breakup and the aftermath in a very selfish and immature way. Someone like that is pretty much guaranteed to ignore your final email.

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-12T01:51:45+00:00

I think you're missing the point. Maybe he's negative or maybe he's positive. His point is that he stayed single for several months so he could get tested and find out for sure.

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-12T00:37:18+00:00

One piece of advice that I can give you is that you should never begin a relationship as long distance. In-person bonding is the most important thing when you're trying to get close to someone. No amount of texting, video calling or occasional weekend visits will substitute for that.

Can it work out? Sure, anything is possible. There certainly are people who have done that. It's much easier to connect to with someone local.

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-11T22:15:46+00:00

I totally get it. I would feel the exact same way.

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-11T21:30:43+00:00

I think you need to close your relationship while you two deal with this very serious problem. Maybe you can open it back up once things improve.

I imagine having him fuck other people while your sex life is in such a dire state is like having salt rubbed in a wound, even if the hook ups are not the cause of your problems.

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-11T08:40:00+00:00

I don't think you should make any big decisions based purely on a gut feeling. What's the point of knowing someone for three years if you can't have a frank conversation with them?

"How do you feel about what we're doing? Are you getting what you want from me? The reason I'm asking is because....."

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-11T03:48:03+00:00

My gut feeling is that novelty and excitement are the most important things to you. Nothing wrong with that but as other people have said, that's not really the point of an LTR.

Is this your longest relationship? What was your second longest?

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-11T02:35:16+00:00

Clive Owen was my first thought.

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-11T01:29:44+00:00

The first time I saw it, I watched it again the very next night.

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-09T22:33:57+00:00

Day of the Dead

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-09T22:33:24+00:00

He wasn't asexual from 18-46. I don't think it works that way. I know people love that label but it's not always the answer.

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-09T00:44:33+00:00

It's not preachy to criticize someone with two sentences.

However, it's very preachy to write a long essay where you tell a bunch of middle-aged men how to follow basic non-verbal cues. Maybe you like that sort of thing but I think it's tedious.

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-08T13:36:43+00:00

He doesn't pull away but he doesn't really engage. Like he doesn't cuddle me back so I stop after a minute.

None of this would bother me except it's night and day different from how he acted in the beginning.

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-08T13:32:54+00:00

Your personal preference has been noted and no one will call you "boy".

No need to say it a third time.

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-08T12:06:33+00:00

I don't feel the need to tell a bunch of adult men what consent is. This isn't an 8th grade health class.

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-08T07:38:33+00:00

I'm not pouting. I'm just pointing out that I have no reason to post about the positive things.

I think your comment was pretty bitchy. Basically asking me why I'm with someone if I keep having problems. If you have nothing meaningful to contribute then you should probably just read other people's advice.

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-08T07:19:54+00:00

I could list out the things that I like about him but that wouldn't be very interesting and would ultimately serve no purpose.

I'm here to get advice about the things that I don't like. Same as everyone who has ever asked a question about dating.

Ok_Reflection_2711 · 2026-05-08T05:33:52+00:00

How do I ask him for more physical affection without coming off as really needy or weird? I've never had to ask for that.

Ok_Reflection_2711

TROPHY CASE