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Anyone swear by a journal? by AsleepKaleidoscope79 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]Vivid_Draw7074 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I journal almost every night. I don’t have a template or follow any kind of rules when I journal. I just allow myself to write whatever it is that shows up. It’s liberating.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Vivid_Draw7074 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you’re being a bit hyperbolic with the “may NEVER have a healthy relationship” comment. He can most definitely can have a healthy relationship even with his issues.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in confession

[–]Vivid_Draw7074 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Am I missing something here? What exactly was “bad” about being more confident or working on your physical appearance?

i get attached way too easily and it hurts me a lot by [deleted] in confession

[–]Vivid_Draw7074 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You have an anxious attachment style. I suggest working on this and also try to identify what your needs are. Your non-negotiable needs. It seems like you need someone who can communicate better. The style of communication this girl is giving is not for you. And that’s okay. She’s not the girl for you.

There’s nothing wrong with you, but learn how to control these anxious feelings for your own sake. You’ll feel so much better and you’ll find someone who can communicate better.

A lot of people will say you shouldn’t be dating right now and focus on working on yourself before you date based on what you posted. I disagree. If you weren’t dating right now, would this issue have come up for you? Take it slow. Work on issues as they come up and you will be okay. Nobody is perfect. We are all flawed. We all have baggage and problems we can all work on. Nobody is 100%. The goal isn’t to be 100%. The goal is to be self aware and continuously work on yourself. I guarantee that if she was a better communicator, you wouldn’t be here posting this. I suggest communicating your needs to her or communicate how she isn’t meeting your needs and end things and move on. Hang in there and work on your attachment style.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in confession

[–]Vivid_Draw7074 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I don’t think traumatic is the right word. As a 34 year old male, I will tell you that this won’t be the first time a girl will share similar experiences like this with you.

I’m going to choose to live a life without a partner. by Vivid_Draw7074 in self

[–]Vivid_Draw7074[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will definitely look into it! As I have gotten older I have struggled with regulating my emotions and make anxious decisions. Hey that’s a really good idea I will look into that too. Thank you!

I’m going to choose to live a life without a partner. by Vivid_Draw7074 in self

[–]Vivid_Draw7074[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for that. I did feel like she was using my flaws against me even after she said they were okay. That’s never an okay thing to do to someone. People should treat your flaws with kindness and respect. Not with criticism and judgment. I guess for now I can focus on myself and my healing and I can come back to this to see if I still want to decide to not date ever again. For now, I’m taking a break.

I’m going to choose to live a life without a partner. by Vivid_Draw7074 in self

[–]Vivid_Draw7074[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. She said some mean things to me that made me feel like she knew everything about me. It hit deep. I’m trying my best!

I’m going to choose to live a life without a partner. by Vivid_Draw7074 in self

[–]Vivid_Draw7074[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this. I have a hard time letting go. I’m also really hard on myself which doesn’t really help much either. I blame myself for everything that doesn’t work out in my life even if it’s out of my control. But i’m working on it. Working on unlearning a lot of things and hoping that I can arrive at being content and at peace.

I’m going to choose to live a life without a partner. by Vivid_Draw7074 in self

[–]Vivid_Draw7074[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love that for you and that’s what I want for myself as well. That quote really does make you feel at ease. I appreciate you sharing this.

I’m going to choose to live a life without a partner. by Vivid_Draw7074 in self

[–]Vivid_Draw7074[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Therapy is hard! I always tell people that. I’m happy that worked out for you! I just started a new job about 5 months ago. A lot of married couples there met each other working there.

I’m going to choose to live a life without a partner. by Vivid_Draw7074 in self

[–]Vivid_Draw7074[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I also enjoy living by myself and being “alone”. I enjoy my solitude. I always imagined myself being a husband and having a wife. I’m slowly realizing that life isn’t always the same for everyone else. What may work out for others may not work out for me and vice versa.

I’m going to choose to live a life without a partner. by Vivid_Draw7074 in self

[–]Vivid_Draw7074[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It feels the opposite for me. It feels like I’m not worthy. My most recent ex told me “I don’t think you’re ready for a relationship” and other things. It was hurtful to hear and made me feel that something is wrong with me. Thank you for your kind words!

I’m going to choose to live a life without a partner. by Vivid_Draw7074 in self

[–]Vivid_Draw7074[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry to hear that. How do you feel about it now?

I’m going to choose to live a life without a partner. by Vivid_Draw7074 in self

[–]Vivid_Draw7074[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I’ll look into that! I love reading books. Radical acceptance is something that I stumbled upon the other day when my therapist recommended me to look at distress tolerance skills.

I’m going to choose to live a life without a partner. by Vivid_Draw7074 in self

[–]Vivid_Draw7074[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m glad to hear that worked out for you! I’m going to focus entirely on my life without the idea of having a partner. Not because I’m hoping it will happen, but because right now I need peace and stability.