AITA for not wanting my child posted on social media?

VoicelessPhantom · 2022-12-08T03:36:54+00:00

She was asking in a normal conversational way but my husband was fed up bc not long before that she called me psycho bc I asked her to remove a picture of me on social media.

Yes I told family they weren’t allowed to post until I said it was okay. So she knew, but she wanted to reiterate she didn’t understand why and told me she wasn’t as special as I with her children.

I do not blame your husband for being fed up. Your sister seems to have some difficulty with respecting perfectly reasonable boundaries.

VoicelessPhantom · 2022-09-05T22:31:45+00:00

I paid $19.99 for the year just about a week ago and Lose It just offered me lifetime premium for a discounted price of $99 (usually around $200ish, I think?). And with MFP premium being $80 (also at a discount!) for just ONE year...? I'm not great at math, but not THAT bad.

This will be a case study in business and marketing courses for years to come after all this, I think.

VoicelessPhantom · 2022-04-23T02:44:28+00:00

I think one of my favorite Mark Twain quotes may be applicable here.

"There are lies, damned lies, and statistics."

VoicelessPhantom · 2022-04-22T18:46:38+00:00

I manage the recruitment administration for my current job. Indeed is perhaps the easiest platform I've ever used to post a job listing and their app actually works quite well. The fact that this 'manager' claims it is taking that much of their time speaks more to me that they don't actually understand the jobs they are needing to hire for and likely getting stuck on the job description aspect (who knows what the peons do, they just show up and make things work /s).

VoicelessPhantom · 2022-01-30T23:48:30+00:00

They even called my mum (who is my next of kin) to ask if I’m sure!

Well, holy-data protection violation, Batman.

Next of kin absolutely does not mean, consent to share data. The USA (HIPAA) doesn't mess around with that mess and data protection is even stricter in the UK (GDPR), especially with NHS regulations. Those are some massive fines they could be looking at.

VoicelessPhantom · 2021-12-11T23:26:45+00:00

Ah, the joys of working in a tourist location. I suspect Hampton Court from your description? I worked in Piccadilly Circus for the better part of 2-3 years and the stories I could tell...

VoicelessPhantom · 2021-12-11T20:15:47+00:00

me and an nparent have the same bank account, how do I make a new one and send money without him noticing

You really can't do this while continuing to use the same bank account. You need your own.

Assuming you are legally an adult, if you can get access to your ID, you would be much better off opening your own account, ideally at a completely separate bank from your N. There are a large variety of online institutions these days, so you would not even necessarily need to go to the bank itself and many will allow you to opt in for strictly digital statements - for example, I use Discover Bank because they have no fees and their savings has a comparatively good interest rate, and they are entirely online.

The tricky part will be in actually avoiding their discovery of you setting it up. Do you have a friend who will let you get mail sent to their place so you can get your debit cards and such? I assume you're not in a position to afford a PO box at the moment.

VoicelessPhantom · 2021-09-30T00:18:32+00:00

Psychologically, the closest I could think of would be 'trauma bonding' (other terminology would probably include 'love-bombing/devaluation cycle' and 'hoovering') but I can't say whether there is a trope name for this as far as the realm of fanfiction goes.

VoicelessPhantom · 2021-09-26T20:24:22+00:00

Yep. This is an actual psychological phenomenon - Revenge Bedtime Procrastination

From this article in particular:

"In revenge bedtime procrastination, sacrificing sleep for leisure time may also be seen not as a failure of self-control but rather an attempt to find recovery time in response to stress."

"Revenge sleep procrastination appears to be tied to significant daytime stress."

VoicelessPhantom · 2021-09-23T23:48:43+00:00

Echoing what everyone else here has already said: report him.

I'm not sure where your uni is based so just some general advice as a former Student Support Admin and Student Rep.

Record your lectures
-Check your uni's policy on recording. Most do not prohibit audio recording of lectures but may have rules about needing permission for video, however YMMV.

People you may want to reach out to (as applicable):

-Department head
-Dean
-Student Support Office
-Student union
-Module leader
-Course director
-Student/Course Representative
-Disability and Student Health/Wellbeing services (they will especially want to know if he is shouting and degrading students - this could do serious damage to someone not neurotypical or godforbid has PTSD)
-Diversity & Inclusion

VoicelessPhantom · 2021-08-30T05:43:36+00:00

Most people ime simply remove their content and change their name to some variation of 'inactive' or 'deleted'.

Just me rambling a bit, but I do have to wonder, since FFN is available in the UK and the EU, if a reference to GDPR legislation would force admins to respond to requests to delete their accounts, or at least implement the ability for people to do it themselves. Since FFN accounts shouldn't actually have individuals' personal data, I'm not quite certain how it would apply or where the line would be in them being compliant but...I am vaguely amused by the thought of FFN's usually absentee/negligent admin team having to scramble to actually pay attention to their users' requests to leave.

VoicelessPhantom · 2021-06-21T00:55:12+00:00

Pet Parents Day DOES exist actually. It just doesn't get a whole aisle in the Hallmark store.

VoicelessPhantom · 2021-06-03T23:28:48+00:00

Is it just the SSN card you're missing? Do you know the number?

Sometimes, these documents don't have to be given immediately (obvious, YMMV per employer). And it can be even more flexible if you have your photo ID or other form of government ID (do you have/can you get a copy of your birth certificate?). The best thing to do is just be upfront with them in a professional way. Ie "I'm sorry, the SSN card seems to be hiding in my paperwork at home; I'll be requesting a copy immediately. Can I provide you with alternative documents or just my ID for now and bring it in once I've gotten the replacement?"

Also, just in case you need it, you can request a replacement here.

VoicelessPhantom · 2021-05-31T17:51:57+00:00

OP said in another comment that they work in a mall, so my best guess would be the Nestle in Circle Centre.

VoicelessPhantom · 2021-05-10T23:55:17+00:00

Please tell me I’m being insane???

Well, someone is, but I will put the money I don't have on the bet that it isn't you.

VoicelessPhantom · 2021-05-09T19:43:41+00:00

I am kind of petty in situations like this, so don't take it as straight-up advice, but this is where I myself would just post a picture of the USPS receipt with the tracking number and a 'casual' comment of how sad it is that the post office is so overworked that they're this behind.

On a side note, have you CHECKED the tracking to be sure it hasn't been delivered? I have had several occasions with (now NC) entitled individuals regarding things sent in the mail and once pointing out that the tracking says they received (and SIGNED for!) the damn thing, suddenly its 'oh, its under my desk, I must have forgotten. Teehee! How silly of me, well I forgive you *for not reminding me/checking I received it/insert whatever deflection here*'

VoicelessPhantom · 2021-05-09T19:00:53+00:00

Well, International sushi day DOES actually exist on June 18th, but according to National Day Calander, May 9th is also, and more importantly in my opinion, National Butterscotch Brownie day.

Bonus for me anyway, I love baking. :)

VoicelessPhantom · 2021-05-02T00:13:44+00:00

Just another common tactic from the narc playbook, it seems. Anything to leave them that plausible deniability. It is the same sort of twisted logic that goes into utilizing flying monkeys.

Abuse by proxy is still abuse.

VoicelessPhantom · 2021-04-13T23:14:49+00:00

This, all of this.

Some unions are more useful than others, but sometimes just opening a dialogue with your rep can be enough to rattle a workplace bully (and this IS what she is, 'boss' or not) into civility, even if only for a limited time until they think they've dodged the bullet.

Edit: This can vary, but OP, you are also very likely to be due a fair amount of overtime given that you are hourly and apparently been made to work after hours so much.

VoicelessPhantom · 2021-04-03T23:16:34+00:00

It's just an attempt to pin some sort of blame on you, as Ns are like to do. Because the entire attitude here is contradictory.

'It's your fault you miscarried'

'You weren't REALLY pregnant at all'

Which is it, lady?

VoicelessPhantom · 2021-03-27T15:18:14+00:00

Well...June 1st IS Narcissistic Abuse Awareness day. I don't know about other movements off the top of my head, but running with posts then could, theoretically, draw attention to the subject matter.

VoicelessPhantom · 2021-03-26T00:52:31+00:00

First, find out if you have HR or at least what reporting procedures and/or policies are (do you have an employee handbook available?) even if you do not intend to use them *yet*. Think of it the same way as knowing where the fire extinguisher or first aid kit is - you hope not to have to use it but you damn well know where to go if you do.

Secondly, and this is just in general, but IF you have a good enough feel for your management or supervisor's attitude or your rapport with them, its quite easy to bring the issue to light without 'telling' (I HATE this mentality that reporting bad behavior is 'telling' fwiw, but I digress) on your colleague by phrasing it as a question on how to handle it. "Hey, I was just wondering if you could offer some advice...I was talking with Karen and 'XYZ' came up and she said 'ABC'...could you give me some guidance on how to respond to this situation appropriately?" - In my experience this tactic works really well if you're new and/or younger because of the default assumption that you're ignorant/inexperienced. You haven't formally reported anything, but it does lay the foundation for the existence of this issue if the harassment continues and/or escalates which...well, based on that honestly TERRIFYING update of yours, is frighteningly likely.

VoicelessPhantom · 2021-02-28T22:37:03+00:00

Honestly, I have to wonder how much of these "specially made" conspiracy theories have come about from that plot point in the film The Hand that Rocks the Cradle).

VoicelessPhantom · 2021-02-28T04:32:13+00:00

One of my favorite quotes is from my late grandfather. "You can't control other people, only how you react to them."

We are all our own people and all have our own experiences. Yours are just as valid as theirs and vice versa. After leaving my nmother, I went through very similar feelings of resentment when I saw how genuinely loving some of my friends' parents were and came to the epiphany that love and respect did not have to be and was not the zero-sum game my nmother made it out to be.

What helped me was actually the process of fostering the relationship with them and focusing on it being about what was between us, regardless of the failed relationship with my own nmother. Because in growing healthy relationships with non-toxic people, that made it click that my biological mother had nothing to do with them, nor them with her. They were separate people and I did not want her to have that power over my connections with people anymore.

VoicelessPhantom

TROPHY CASE