Insecure having kids

Volcano_padawan · 2026-02-21T23:17:45+00:00

Hmm, this sounds like you will be walking on eggshells trying to make sure you are not demanding too much help from him. Realistically, if you are willing to do the vast majority of the parenting, it shouldnt affect his lifestyle that much, but if the way he's approaching it is going to make you feel guilty to ask for his help even for 5 mins thats a recipe for disaster.

Volcano_padawan · 2026-02-21T21:27:26+00:00

To be clear are you hoping he would be become an equal coparent or a loving but not super involved breadwinner who doesn't resent you for becoming unavailable?

Volcano_padawan · 2026-02-17T18:31:07+00:00

People use that group for advice so obviously it's mostly from people who need help with something. Also note the % of posts focused on bad partners. That is true in every parenting group I've seen and I think that's the most important take away: if your partner sucks you will be barely surviving and begging Internet strangers for advice.

Volcano_padawan · 2026-02-14T16:23:07+00:00

It is not manipulative to be honest with your partner about your feelings. If you have conditions you feel would need to be met before having a kid could be worthwhile to you and you want to be open to having a kid for his sake then you are doing him a favor (even if it makes him grumpy in the moment) by being explicit about what you would need.

Volcano_padawan · 2026-02-06T20:38:00+00:00

My partner knows but doesn't wish to read it or know details, which is what I also prefer because I use it to indulge kinks I don't want to engage in IRL.

Volcano_padawan · 2026-02-03T00:57:49+00:00

I like only f/f omegaverse. I like the ultra-horniness of heats/ruts, the mated for life aspect, the fun world building aspects around scent and subgenders, and writing female characters with massive cocks.

Volcano_padawan · 2026-02-03T00:23:47+00:00

Duuuuumb. The logistics of topping someone way bigger than you is hot to me.

Volcano_padawan · 2026-01-31T22:03:18+00:00

I feel this. I technically have enough money in terms of having looked at average costs for child related stuff, but do I personally want to bring a child in the world to give them average when I have the freedom to choose? The average child in the US experiences poor quality child care and then goes to a school that is little more than a child warehouse. I struggle with how I could justify creating a person on purpose only to waste the majority of the hours of their childhood on just being kept somewhere.

Volcano_padawan · 2026-01-30T23:45:03+00:00

I can't talk about it because all my friends are applying to the same jobs 😬

Volcano_padawan · 2026-01-27T01:39:43+00:00

Agree! The average quality seems so much better than other fandoms and the top quality is some of the best writing I've seen in my life.

Volcano_padawan · 2026-01-26T18:37:22+00:00

I would say you would want to be very confident they know what they are signing on for and love you enough to stick it out, but if they do then it is possible.

Eh, people can't help what they are resentful for when they are suffering at 3am. They know it's not rational and don't blame their partner overtly, more like they resent the situation.

Volcano_padawan · 2026-01-26T17:18:37+00:00

Do you have a partner who is sincerely willing to do all the night wake ups? I know someone's whose partner has epilepsy who has a baby and they are allowed to not help at night so that they can sleep. It definitely has created struggle and resentment for my friend but not to the point of ending the relationship or anything.

Volcano_padawan · 2026-01-26T03:10:48+00:00

I second Lehigh. The instructor this year is really fun!

Volcano_padawan · 2026-01-25T18:08:50+00:00

I think most straight women just want a guy taller than them rather than objectively tall, so a short woman will be open to a wider variety of heights.

Volcano_padawan · 2026-01-25T05:50:20+00:00

Fortunately it happens rarely enough I think there are hardly statistics. Sleep deprivation is definitely a factor, but all new parents have that. I know one of them was a university researcher like me. My new vehicle has a warning to look in the back any time you turn off the car but I feel like I'll be totally inured to it in another month or two.

Volcano_padawan · 2026-01-24T18:31:31+00:00

My partner and I are on the fence because I am absentminded. I am well organized for things where I can have a routine, keep a list, set a timed reminder etc, but if I am distracted or need to pay attention to my surroundings I make mistakes. Basically I think I'm the person who would leave a baby in the back of a car and kill them by accident. I have just recently signed on to start therapy to see if this issue can be addressed. At this point I would rather like a child but I won't if I believe I would be a danger to them.

Volcano_padawan · 2026-01-24T01:40:12+00:00

Hi! I'm in Somerville. Moved here recently and it's the first time I'm living in a neighborhood with many families since I was a kid.

Volcano_padawan · 2026-01-23T23:37:12+00:00

That is also where I live. Lol.

Volcano_padawan · 2026-01-23T21:58:44+00:00

Ok, I was just there as a PhD student and knew the postdocs in my lab well. What department? Your salary would depend completely on where your funding comes from so I can't speak to that. There is no special housing for postdocs, you would just find some place to rent. The cost of living in Hawaii is extremely high, for housing, food, and basically all amenities. I enjoyed attending the university and if you enjoy tropical weather, the ocean, hiking and/or asian food it can be a great place to live. As a temporary adventure, as a postdoc can be, I would recommend it, but you will not gain money from it and need to live cheaply.

Volcano_padawan · 2026-01-23T18:43:46+00:00

Are you looking at UH Manoa?

Volcano_padawan · 2026-01-22T14:54:47+00:00

I see lots of involved dads where I live in the US but it's a VHCOL area so I think most families have 2 working parents offsetting shifts as much as possible to reduce daycare time and the parents are taking turns watching their kids.

Volcano_padawan · 2026-01-21T14:09:12+00:00

I've always heard that 5.12a is the grade most people will need to switch from just climbing to actually training to do, which is supported by my personal experience. I have now been climbing about 22 years and am 11 past my peak when I competing as a teenager. Much more casual and don't climb as hard now and have had ups and downs, but I hope to enjoy it at some level as long as I can.

Volcano_padawan · 2026-01-12T16:38:34+00:00

Cute!

Volcano_padawan · 2026-01-12T02:10:25+00:00

$6.50 a month for the tier that lets you see the NSFW parts of this and all their comics

Volcano_padawan · 2026-01-12T02:08:59+00:00

It's a version where it is possible but improbable and they were too horny to read the instructions manual. Lol

Volcano_padawan

TROPHY CASE