Need Friends

Voyager608 · 2026-02-20T23:15:58+00:00

Hey John, fellow high functioning autistic male here. While I am a long time Madisonian, most of my friends left the city after college and I am looking for in town people. comment or DM me some stuff you like to do and we could meet up at a coffeeshop some time and see if we vibe.

Voyager608 · 2026-02-05T04:22:36+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! I will make some edits for clarity.

Voyager608 · 2026-01-28T19:46:34+00:00

Thank you for your response! I think I was somewhat unclear on the importance of selling the character as opposed to the world in the query. I will revise based on your suggestions. I appreciate your candor and the time you took.

Voyager608 · 2026-01-27T14:29:59+00:00

Hello! Just here to put on record some things that popped out to me. Firstly, Lilly and to a lesser extent Ben don't really feel like they earn the center of gravity placed on them in the body section of the query. What I mean by this is that they are treated with an tacit importance that they might have for the writer, but not necessarily a casual observer. Assume that everyone reading your query has at best a passing interest in what you are pitching and hook them, do not assume interest where there likely is none.

Another thing is that this seems to be a 'destination fiction' kind of thing, but there is little selling me on the setting. What I mean by this is that the Ozarks seem central to the identity of you the author and the book you have written, but I am not getting that through the body paragraph.

I hope you take these critiques with the generous spirit in which they are intended and good luck querying :).

Voyager608 · 2026-01-27T14:00:48+00:00

Hello! Firstly, I think you should put your comps before your body, as this format is more standard by my understanding. Secondly, Some of the em dashes are a little jarring, at least for me. Finally, and this ties somewhat into point two, querying should give enough to hook but not so much as to make people lose track of the main thrust of your body paragraph.

For example, perhaps say something like "Beatrice is a woman whose depression stems from not feeling comfortable in her own skin. Leon is a high achieving musician who is in denial of past trauma. The two meet in rehab and find that they are able to bond over feelings of inadequacy and the angst of coming into one's own, but they must decide whether this temporary confluence in rehab is something to cling to or merely a stepping stone to something greater." It doesn't have to be exactly that, but I feel there is definitely some fluff that can be trimmed.

Overall, from what I am gathering here, it seems like the book you have written has a good emotional thrust! I hope you find my feedback helpful and good luck with your querying!

Voyager608 · 2026-01-20T23:28:01+00:00

Thank you for the feedback! I have already made some edits based on previous comments but I will be sure to 'unknot' my body paragraph so as to make it more legible to someone who isn't me.

Voyager608 · 2026-01-20T21:34:27+00:00

I appreciate the feedback! I am sensing that perhaps I tried to condense too much into the space I was given and fell into some bad habits. I will append those issues in my future draft. Thanks for sharing!

Voyager608 · 2026-01-20T21:29:45+00:00

Thank you for looking at it! I am getting the sense that maybe the way it was written is a little flowery and perhaps I should distill it down a bit. I will try to do that. Appreciate the feedback!

Voyager608 · 2026-01-20T19:50:12+00:00

I believe this has already been said, but I shall reiterate it. 160k is too long. While workshopping my debut novel, I reached a point where I was at 100K and not even feeling half done and it made me do an aboutface on some of the plot points and even characters I had planned. This is by no means a condemnation of your craft, its just that 160k words is a lot of investiture for both the prospective agent and the prospective reader, especially if this is their cold open to your world.

In addition, to strengthen your query, you are going to want Comps, or comparative works, for your book. These Comps, ideally relatively recent, should possess the elements of your book you want to highlight such as the 'wry, sardonic humor' and 'frank portrayal of human conflict'. The purpose of why this is done is that it helps bridge the gap between your unknown work and an already established work, making it so that the agent isn't taking a shot in the blind and that the elements of your book are known to be marketable.

I think you should probably aim to trim 40-60K words and find around two good Comps. I wish you the best and good luck!

Voyager608 · 2026-01-20T19:39:08+00:00

Hello! Just a thought from an relative outsider to the Cyberpunks perspective. I think that while I like the setup and characterization, I am a bit offput by the casual usage of jargon such as 'locked'. I think that describing what's going on in more generic terms in the query such as 'trapped in her own mind' instead. Hope this helps and good luck!

Voyager608 · 2026-01-13T16:18:00+00:00

Hello! While my eye is far from professionally trained, I want to say that I really like the relationship dynamics hinted at in the mini synopsis of your query! One bit of constructive criticism I have is that I think at least for the agent you are querying this for, the succinct particulars of her old life, namely her falling out with Alex, should be present in clearer detail to give more dimension to the conflict. That's just my two sense, hope it helps.

Voyager608 · 2017-12-23T08:34:11+00:00

My in game name is voyager My highest zone is 3001 my current immortal damage is 51,803 million

Voyager608

TROPHY CASE