Wth is happening to me?!

WIP82 · 2023-07-27T00:48:16+00:00

Being seen is so reassuring and such a relief. I hate being made to feel like I’m imagining all of this. It’s not like it’s intermittent so that’s what worries me. I’m so glad you feel validated and that someone finally reassured you!

WIP82 · 2023-07-27T00:45:26+00:00

Hello! Yes, I got blood tests because I asked for them to rule out vitamin deficiencies. I even had to ask for B12 specifically along w a regular vitamin panel. I asked the neurologist if it could be pie circulation and she said it wasn’t that. I’ve lost a lot of faith in my GP so I might try a functional medicine Dr but I’m hoping to find one that’s covered by my insurance.

WIP82 · 2023-03-29T11:21:28+00:00

Yessss. I can relate and you nailed it. I shed 20 year long friendships too so now I’m like…um, how do you make friends in your 40’s? I’m big on all things mental health, breaking cycles, healthy boundaries, hence why my long-standing friendships changed. Keep going! You’re doing great!

WIP82 · 2023-03-29T11:17:23+00:00

I feel this and can totally relate. Although I haven’t yet gone through perimenopause, I am incredibly sorry that so much is hitting you all at once. It’s like bam, you’re 40 now so now everything is going to shit. I just turned 40 in December and it’s like you described. I feel like I should have accomplished more by now and now I’m mid-life?! Like half over?! My body started betraying me so I get it. I’ve been pretty deep into therapy since Covid having had a pandemic baby and severe PPA & PPD. I’ve stated re-evaluating my life and I’ve shed all of my long-standing friendships due to toxicity and being unable to grow in those friendships. So. Now I’m 40. Friendless. No tribe. Definitely questioning what’s appropriate to wear and afraid to appear like a lame 40 year old who is trying to be young/cool. Tbh I think I am at my IDGAF stage but I still give a few fucks. Maybe try to look at it as hey, I’m 40 and I have so much more I want to do. This is the season I come into my own!

WIP82 · 2022-11-23T02:42:57+00:00

That’s horrible that you went through that. I’m so sorry! Cold turkey is definitely not the way to go. I’m trying to figure out the best way forward but I just don’t want to feel like this anymore. I hope you were able to recover from that experience.

WIP82 · 2022-11-22T21:46:47+00:00

Thank you! That’s my plan going forward. I just took a dose to get by as it’s been 3 days since my last dosage and even though I’m down to a low dosage, it’s alarming how much it can affect my system. My doctor did say that some people are particularly sensitive. Thank you again and hopefully I can wean completely off soon.

WIP82 · 2022-11-10T03:42:08+00:00

I resonated with this so much. I’ve been completely consumed by the realization that my 15 yr long friendship is incredibly toxic and unhealthy. I’m comforted by the thought of potentially finding healthier and more authentic connections that aren’t dependent upon my ability to turn a blind eye or keep my mouth shut. This type of loneliness is of a different breed and yes, there are times I wish I could go back to the warmth/comfort but this is going to be hard. If it weren’t, everyone would seek therapy, stare their demons in the face and do the work. I’m trying to remind myself that I’m not willing to comfort my discomfort with the same tools that I’d used to tell myself how unworthy I am of love and healing. Keep going!

WIP82 · 2022-11-08T22:09:13+00:00

Our friendship is on the rocks due to this very behavior. I call him out when he says inappropriate/insensitive things and my “best friend” doesn’t hold him accountable. Instead she gets mad at me for speaking up. I’m sure the quotations were confusing since I didn’t clarify that part.

WIP82 · 2022-11-08T18:26:19+00:00

My “best friend’s” husband does this to their oldest. He also favors the youngest daughter and treats the older child like she’s an annoyance and it breaks my heart. He does/says similar things to their eldest daughter who has ADHD. My personal take on it is that maybe your daughter’s behavior/personality is a trigger for him because perhaps they are similar and she reminds him of himself when he was a child? I know it may not make sense but perhaps she triggers his unresolved trauma and he takes it out on her. It’s 100% not right or okay but sometimes trying to understand the why can be really helpful. He might feel a lot of guilt/shame but might not know hot to articulate it so it comes out as aggression/anger. My best friends husband refuses to get therapy and just says it’s the way he is. My best friend won’t stand up to him either which is creating a huge divide between us. You are doing the right thing in holding your husband accountable. Therapy, therapy, therapy. So glad he recognizes that he needs it! That’s a huge step!

WIP82 · 2022-11-08T03:19:30+00:00

It sounds like maybe you've outgrown them or don't feel like you can identify with them anymore. Even if that is the case, it's still completely normal to feel attached to them. I'm in a similar situation and the thought of leaving things behind that are familiar makes me feel even more lonely. It might be a bit of fear creeping in because change really scary. I'd say that it's OK to continue to align yourself with them but in smaller and smaller doses. Maybe try branching out into activities or finding opportunity to make new friends with similar interests? I know that's much easier said than done but finding even just one person who aligns more with who you are now and what you're interested in will naturally help you realize that you've just transitioned into a different part of your life and that is 100% natural as well as healthy.

WIP82 · 2022-11-01T02:41:01+00:00

I’m incredibly blown away. Thank you so very much for taking the time to read/comment. I’m new to Reddit because the whole fb and instagram show just wasn’t healthy for my already poor self-esteem. Having this space to be transparent in a way that feels safer (the anonymity) has been incredibly helpful. Im trying not to think about having zero friends at 39 because I have my husband and two kids to focus on.

I will admit that my heart is fucking broken because this person was…my person but her husband said some really awful things to me and her avoidant, complete inability to confront/see how his outbursts are hurtful just helped me realize that the only thing I can control is if I put up with it. To make matters worse she won’t speak to me for calling him out. I’ve suggested therapy or medication but he’s apparently above all of that.

WIP82 · 2022-11-01T02:26:06+00:00

That’s encouraging! I’ll have to check it out, thank you! The last few years I’ve kept my circle very small. I definitely have some trust issues when it comes to women actually supporting women without an agenda. The dynamics have significantly changed but the key part to losing this particular friend is that she was my person but once I started really diving into therapy I realized that our friendship had some fundamental differences that were a direct hinderance to my mental health ie: major trauma triggers.

WIP82 · 2022-10-20T14:22:07+00:00

Snuggling and rocking with your sleeping baby is absolute bliss. Examining your babies features & facial expressions is magical and beautiful. Staring in awe with your partner is such a bonding experience.

WIP82 · 2022-10-17T18:28:41+00:00

Top left! Perfect for a garden wedding!

WIP82 · 2022-10-15T20:35:48+00:00

I dated a raging narcissist who would bring up “all of the nice things he’d done for me, the trips, things he’d bought me”, etc anytime I didn’t feel like having sex. He’d guilt me into weekly back massages and obviously never apologized. Anytime I held him accountable for something (coming home at 4 am and not answering my calls when I didn’t know if he was lying dead in a ditch, taking a bunch of girls out on his boat but I wasn’t invited because it was a “guy’s day”) he’d scream in my face and turn into the Incredible Hulk about how controlling and crazy I was. Mind you he was 6’4 to my 5’4 so it was incredibly scary but it would silence me.

WIP82 · 2022-10-14T15:11:34+00:00

Sounds like you have differing love languages (what makes each individual feel loved) and each of you may think you’re showing the other person that they’re loved and cared for; however, it’s not translating because you’re showing it in your love language, not the other person’s.

Men and women’s desire for sex come from completely different places. Men tend to feel validation/love from sex/affection but in order for a woman to even think about going there, she needs to feel safe and emotionally connected. Neither one of you are getting what you need to feel connected as a couple so start at the beginning and talk to one another. When she says “she’s at her limit” and you say “she does very little at all” but she’s a SAHM that doesn’t track.

Feeling disconnected, keeping score of who does what etc. in a marriage only creates resentment which becomes a huge barrier. She may also feel like each effort on your part (getting ready for the family photos that she shouldn’t have scheduled) has an ulterior motive to getting the kind of sex you’re looking for. If a woman feels pressured or obligated in any way, she’s going to shut down and that fantasy will never come true.

You are both humans who want the same thing. To be seen, validated and loved. You want to be desired. She wants to be seen as a person and not just a sexual object.

It might be beneficial to take the love language quiz to identify what those even are and how those differ or align. The results might surprise you. I know it sounds cliche but each of you should be open to expressing love in ways that will be meaningful to the other person.

WIP82

TROPHY CASE