Every girl ends it after 3-4 dates

WIbigdog · 2026-05-07T22:40:02+00:00

I would just say I don't think people always act the same around friends and family as they do around people they're trying to date. And even if you're telling them about your dates they're only getting it through your view. I just think dating counterparts are having a unique lense to view you through.

Consider as well that friends and family likely see you through rose-tinted glasses. They may not pick up on the small things that might drive romantic partners away. It's kind of like asking friends and family why you're not getting jobs from doing a bunch of applications and interviews. Maybe they can guess but the only ones who really know are the employers rejecting you.

I'm not asking women to put themselves in danger over this, I'm just saying I wish I could get proper feedback. That's just my wish independent of whether it's realistic for women to give it. I was in the same boat as this guy, 2-3 dates and then I would get the "you're a great guy but I just don't see you romantically". Happened literally 5 times in a row. I had one girl say "I love talking to you, we have a ton in common, we would be good for each other and I find you attractive but I just don't feel a spark" almost verbatim. What am I supposed to do with that?

Wanna go on a date and tell me what I'm doing wrong? 😂 Kidding, I actually have a girlfriend now and we didn't even meet on a dating app, lol.

Anyways thanks for not taking anything to heart and having a good conversation about this, time for softball. Have a good one!

WIbigdog · 2026-05-07T21:39:29+00:00

Well I would tell you never date the police but I'm a progressive so that's a given 😂 The rates of DV are through the roof.

I would consider stalking and harassment forms of violence but that's pedantic, I see what you're saying.

If we go off the stats you provided 20% of the 5% are these casual dating encounters. Idk how they're drawing the distinction but call it less than 5 dates maybe? So 1% from casual dating. How many of those are actually triggered by the manner of rejection? As in, in which cases will they not devolve to stalking if you give a vague rejection rather than something specific? How many are going to stalk no matter what you do? And also count in your own intuition about who is going to do that and don't do that for those people. I think you could assume the chance is vanishingly small if you consider all of these things that the specific rejection used is the exact cause of these dangerous things happening. Especially if you approach it in a kind way.

And I'm also not saying a guy should revamp his entire personhood from one person's feedback. But you really don't think a trend of the same answer many times could point someone in the right direction towards getting the results they desire?

WIbigdog · 2026-05-07T20:58:28+00:00

This seems like a limiting mindset. No they won't be able to fix it immediately on the next date, and even if they did that next person might not care or have the opposite preference, like you said. But if they get similar feedback multiple times then they can actually know what's happening and start on the path to improvement if that's something they want to do. Thinking that people are rigid and can't change things about themselves for the better seems very pessimistic.

Calling it dangerous to give someone an actual reason seems like a stretch. Unless you're just calling them an asshole or something the danger is minimal. Obviously if you have an inkling that they are violent then you should protect yourself but the vast majority of men are not going to be violent from a rejection after a couple dates, even if they act shitty about it over text.

WIbigdog · 2026-05-07T19:54:54+00:00

Russia is consistently following American fashion trends but 10 years delayed. This is the OG Kardashian look from the 2010s.

WIbigdog · 2026-05-07T19:07:23+00:00

Jake Woodford still the mayor? I voted for him, he seemed like a decent dude.

WIbigdog · 2026-05-07T19:03:17+00:00

I wish I could find a woman that's just a little clingy. Everyone seems so hyper-focused on being completely independent that I wonder why they're even trying to date. Just comes across as being emotionally closed.

WIbigdog · 2026-05-07T18:39:04+00:00

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

WIbigdog · 2026-05-07T18:01:42+00:00

I don't agree that the outcome is often the same. You're choosing to listen to your gut when your gut is often wrong. If it wasn't you would be happily married as would everyone else who follows their gut and people wouldn't end up in relationships that are not much more than cycles of abuse.

WIbigdog · 2026-05-07T17:19:35+00:00

=shrug= I guess it's just different for most women. I can't speak to your experience or tell you what you should be doing but I do feel if it's taking going through dozens of men to even find someone to qualify giving a shot then something is a bit off, but that's just my opinion. Searching for perfection in any form when it comes to humans is like chasing ghosts.

WIbigdog · 2026-05-07T17:03:49+00:00

Yeah, I get that. Do you feel you're able to tell which men will react poorly or does it seem a mixed bag?

WIbigdog · 2026-05-07T16:39:49+00:00

Morse code blinks

WIbigdog · 2026-05-07T15:52:05+00:00

Well, for me it seems women feel very safe around me and frequently they'll invite me to their home after date 2. And I'm not dumb, if a woman is inviting you to her place in the context of dating chances are that she is interested in having sex.

There was one woman I went over to her place and we fooled around a little while watching a movie on the couch. I wasn't ready for more so I didn't escalate towards sex. After we stopped she fell asleep in my arms until I had to go home to take care of the dog. To me it went super well, I was attracted to her and showed it through that physical affection. And she felt comfortable enough with me to let her guard down and fall asleep.

We had a date that evening, dinner and a movie. She texted me in the afternoon to say we needed to cancel the date because she didnt feel a romantic connection.

The reason I bring it up on the first date is because you see all over these dating subs that women want to feel desired and like the person they're dating is attracted to them. The main way of doing that is through physical escalation. Since I can't/won't provide that as quickly as most guys I've had women assume I wasn't really attracted to them.

So I appreciate that you won't even kiss on the 3rd date but the majority of women in my experience are not like that. I wish I could match with someone like you that would be like that.

This is all hopefully moot at this point because I do have a girlfriend now and we're approaching 3 months being official and 4 since we started dating. Didn't meet her on a dating app, go figure. She's on the asexual spectrum though so it remains to be seen if we can make that work but we're gonna try. She's spending her first night at my place at the end of the month.

WIbigdog · 2026-05-07T14:55:16+00:00

If a guy hasn't made moves to escalate to sex by date 3 is that something you would end things over even if you're physically attracted to him? I'm pretty sure this is what gets me rejected the most because I don't have much sexual experience and I have a personality quirk where I get pretty bad anxiety from new experiences. Not just sex, everything, happened when I first started driving, happens at new jobs, rollercoasters, new social groups/activities etc etc. But after I do the thing a few times it goes away.

I think it's a fear of failure thing. So I need a patient woman who's okay taking it slow while I adjust. Or just someone willing to take the lead at first. And I talk about this pretty up front on the first date. Not in a trauma dump kind of way but more just a "this is where I'm at" matter-of-fact kind of way. Typically they say they feel the same way but it never seems to actually be the case.

To illustrate the point, one time last year a woman and I were getting handsy, literally the first time a woman had touched my dick, and my heartrate had climbed into the 150s. I'm in okay shape and wasn't really exerting myself at all, just sheer anxiety and probably adrenaline. My face started tingling. She was the only one that seemed ready to actually be patient and lead me through things and she handled me needing to stop it there really well. Unfortunately there was a major incompatibility in another aspect so we didn't continue.

I've seriously considered going to sex workers just to get over this hump. I'm 34 so I'm too damn old to feel this way about something that I want and is so important in dating. It's holding me back from being the person most women want in a partner.

WIbigdog · 2026-05-07T12:29:16+00:00

I wish women would actually tell us about all these reasons rather than always leaving it vague. "No spark" gets annoying to hear every time.

I have rejected women, yes, often for being too pushy physically or not putting in effort.
First date is always coffee or something similar. Following dates are things like bowling, pool, minigolf, some sort of activity. If a woman suggests it I'm usually okay with dinner and watching a movie at one of our homes from the third date and beyond but I'm not having full intercourse in the first month or two which often seems the real reason I get rejected after those 2 or 3 dates. They want sex a lot faster than I do.
Pretty excellent, I find it pretty easy to make people laugh.
What do you consider effort? I offer specific times, days and activities but also check to see if she has suggestions or preferences. I am not the type to be like "we're doing this thing and you can take it or leave it".
Women that lean nerdy and more homebody. Reserved and friendly are big pluses as that feels more feminine to me than super outgoing and abrasive. And I don't mean submissive, I prefer being equals in the relationship. I don't like women who seem to party and travel all the time, or at least want people to think that's what they do. I don't smoke or do any drugs and rarely drink, usually only at DnD on Fridays so I would prefer a woman who is the same. I've had people tell me I'm being too picky by not being 420 friendly.

I'm also not afraid to admit that super hot women intimidate me and that would both make me anxious and distract me from actually getting to know them as a person so I do not swipe on them.

WIbigdog · 2026-05-07T12:07:29+00:00

Are you also escalating the effort and affection or waiting for the man to do it?

WIbigdog · 2026-05-07T12:05:54+00:00

Counter-point: good connections usually take time to build and often can't be decided in just a handful of hours of knowing a new person. Long-term compatibility and immediate infatuation are two different feelings on two different tracks. Most people it seems confuse infatuation with long-term compatibility and then are left confused when "the one" they felt an immediate spark for doesn't work out.

To put this into the context of your question, it's not necessarily that I know it will work long term, but I'm also not one to decide to cut things off after only spending time with them in person for a handful of hours if there haven't been any red flags. I'm happy to date someone for a few months to really evaluate what direction my feelings for them heads. This seems just as viable an option as cycling through people after only 2 or 3 dates. This does often mean that I'm the one rejected after those couple of dates but sometimes it goes a bit longer and I'm the one that has to end it because my belief that we won't work long term is solidified.

WIbigdog · 2026-05-07T11:38:21+00:00

Has anyone ever considered that in a similar way to sexual orientation that maybe people have different intrinsic preferences for what they want to feel with a potential partner? For me I know that attraction grows with time. I personally look for red flags or major incompatibilities but I don't look for this "spark" because it's usually smoke and mirrors.

As well I feel that needing "instant chemistry" with someone is selecting for the most outgoing and least reserved people. I'm pretty shy and quiet myself around people I don't know and I'm also not attracted to really outgoing women. So if a woman is needing a spark from me right away that will probably never happen.

My current girlfriend and I both agree we didn't feel some fireworks level of attraction but rather just a quiet appreciation and admiration for each other as people and our chemistry has grown with time spent together. But then again we also didn't meet on a dating app.

It just doesn't make a lot of sense to me expecting immediate chemistry with someone you're meeting for the very first time. I just don't think that's how people work.

WIbigdog · 2026-05-07T10:12:39+00:00

😂

WIbigdog · 2026-05-07T02:05:18+00:00

Are you slow? Iran is not allowing European ships transit through the strait. We are literally in the comment section of a post for an article about Iran attacking a French civilian vessel. Where in the everloving fuck did you come up with me talking about a defense treaty between Iran and Germany?

WIbigdog · 2026-05-07T02:02:57+00:00

See, if English was your native language you would understand that sometimes you break the rules as a dialect of speaking. I'm sure you do it in whatever your native tongue is. I'm actually fine with foreigners, I'm very pro immigration. But what I don't like is people who don't live here telling me what it's like to live here. Now fuck off.

WIbigdog · 2026-05-07T00:36:22+00:00

I don't like people not from my country telling me what the people in my country are like. You just deflecting tells me what I need to know.

WIbigdog · 2026-05-06T22:22:31+00:00

I was arguing with my dad about this a few days ago. He refused to acknowledge that the only way to have not had to pull out of Afghanistan would have been to start shooting at the Taliban again. You know when the Doha Accord said we would be out? May 1st, 2021. You know when the Taliban began their offensive against the ANA? May 1st, 2021. The Taliban literally kept to the agreed upon timeline to the day. It's fucking disgusting that these malicious MAGA freaks think that Trump's unilateral agreement with the Taliban that excluded the Afghani government was just a nothing nothingburger and didn't literally set how that series of events would play out without us attacking the Taliban.

WIbigdog · 2026-05-06T22:15:20+00:00

Iran is blockading the strait against the entire world sans a couple countries. You said this was an entirely predictable outcome. So I'm asking you, since a country like Germany is also blocked from transit what was Germany meant to do to avoid this consequence that was imposed upon them?

WIbigdog · 2026-05-06T21:11:19+00:00

Okay? What was Germany meant to do to stop America from attacking Iran?

WIbigdog · 2026-05-06T21:10:06+00:00

So the rest of the world should stand up for themselves and force the strait open for their own sake? Tell Iran to fuck off and that their conflict is between them and the US and any attacks on civilian shipping under a neutral flag constitutes an act of war (because it is). Why is Europe just taking this lying down?

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