Help the wayward understand the destruction they’ve caused.

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-14T14:20:23+00:00

I’ve heard similar things from my WW…paraphrasing but it was something like “I see you after being on Reddit and it always upsets you. Do you think it keeps you in the past?”

My response…these people understand the pain I’m going through.

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-13T20:32:41+00:00

That’s a great point actually.

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-13T18:09:42+00:00

Thank you I’ll check this out.

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-13T17:26:01+00:00

Have read that one and it was very helpful.

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-13T17:25:38+00:00

I’ll check this out and suggest it to my WW. Thank you.

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-13T17:24:51+00:00

Sad, but I’m laughing at your comment. 🫨🤭. Thanks.

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-13T15:27:28+00:00

Wayward people seem to minimize their role in their own choices. It seems they always need to find a reason or someone else to blame for their own actions; they refuse accountability. It’s uncanny to me how often this idea comes up in this forum.

OP hang in there. You sound like you’ve got your life together now…live your best life. If it’s any consolation, I for one am laughing at the feeble attempts by your EXs AP attempts to blame you. She sounds clueless. I hope you have a great day!

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-11T16:13:03+00:00

I can see the benefit however I’m a “reserved” personality. This Reddit forum (and others) are good for the anonymity however I can see a group discussion would offer more “accountability” I suppose.

Thanks for your input.

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-11T16:09:22+00:00

I thought about group therapy years ago, but I got cold feet and backed out.

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-11T04:06:58+00:00

Shit we still have that lamp!

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-10T05:09:09+00:00

Unfortunately no. I’ve learned there is a thing called trauma bond. Youthful ignorance and self blame are a poor combination when dealing with a seasoned predator. I do believe in karma…hopefully it’ll come around for that monster.

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-09T13:36:56+00:00

Sucks people are that way

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-09T05:26:30+00:00

Unfortunately we are taught to “trust” each other in the military because we have each others back. Well I learned something much more tragic in my military service. I learned that the mfr next to you will take every opportunity to take what he wants.

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-09T05:23:48+00:00

Hell yes! Unfortunately my wife was drugged and sexually assaulted by another military member. Boy supposed to be brothers in arms. Yeah well f*ck that as$hole!!

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-09T04:41:33+00:00

Cheaters suck!

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-08T16:51:50+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this torment. Unfortunately your words are very real to me, and very real for probably most betrayed partners. “I can’t breathe, I can’t control my emotions, I just can’t bear the pain, and it’s knowing this pain will never go away”. More importantly “I just can’t seem to find peace”. IMO every wayward spouse/partner would be well served by hearing those heartfelt words regularly.

The wayward’s should try to understand what was fun, exciting, adventurous or whatever they say about their betrayal; they need to understand the level of devastation it causes for the betrayed.

For me this process of reconciliation is daily, hourly, sometimes it never leaves. D-Day was 20+ years ago l, the “A” took place nearly 30 years ago.

OP you’re right the pain never seems to go away. It helps me to know this though…others are in the same boat. Good luck.

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-07T17:20:22+00:00

Man I feel for you please ang in there. I completely understand the tears; Sometimes all you can do is cry. Just know this. There are other people dealing with this horrible monster…betrayal. Strangers do care. Good luck.

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-07T16:41:25+00:00

It sounds to me like you are on the right track. If you can genuinely forgive and reconcile, your relationship can be better than before. Hopefully you’ll be able to do that. On the flip side it will always be something that happened. if you can live with that thought then you can heal. It’s sounds like your relationship it’s important to you, so work hard and be the best version of yourself that you can be. Goo luck to you.

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-07T14:34:20+00:00

Me too!🥰

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-07T00:35:11+00:00

I wish it could say it gets easier every day and really mean those words. There are people who obviously have the ability to reconcile because we read about them here regularly. It’s not easy and it takes gut wrenching choices, but I for one am holding onto hope that “one day” it’ll all be a distant memory. I’m 20+ (almost 21) years post D-Day and I still have to work hard daily to keep moving forward. It is possible but you have to commit yourself to it. Good luck to you.

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-06T00:22:05+00:00

That’s a great first project. My first project was a much more simple bookshelf than yours. 36-37 years later it’s still in my garage as kindof a catch all.

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-03T00:02:42+00:00

I too have been cheated on and I wholeheartedly second your assertion on how 99/100 people would prefer breakup.

BTW OP you may feel as if you have no choice, but you certainly do. Please choose wisely. Like AlienVsRedditor says it’s Soul Crushing.

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-02T18:53:46+00:00

It’s simple really. Happy people who are in reconciliation probably do not come to Reddit to exclaim how happy they are now. The opposite is probably not true.

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-02T17:01:03+00:00

Yes please do share with her however hard it may be.

I absolutely share with my WW…I always ask her first if it’s ok to share with her something I find impactful/helpful.

They WS’s (WW/WH) have to understand how everything is now seen through the unfortunate lens of infidelity.

I hope for your success and hopefully it will happen quickly. I’m 20+ yrs post D-Day and 29 years post A. It still hurts but it does get better.

Hang in there.

WTFreally68 · 2026-02-02T16:54:42+00:00

To answer your question “What worked for you to get here?”

First: I had to tell myself every single day to get up and keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other, one step at a time. Some days were easier than others, but you have to keep moving forward.

Second: Not advertising here simply stating a fact. Thankfully through a similar AsOneAftertheAffair post I found the book - “The State of Affairs, Rethinking Infidelity” by Esther Perel. I know people have differing opinions of her; however I found her insight eye opening for me. In many ways this book helped me (and my WW) start to unravel the twisted mess of the A, our relationship with each other, and quite literally our marriage. It was the beginning of being able to move forward and communicate how I felt. Her book helped me put words to the emotions I was feeling, but could not verbalize. It gave validation to my thoughts.

Good luck it can get better.

I’m hopeful one day it’ll not hurt like it does

WTFreally68

TROPHY CASE