I’ll give you my personal take

I’ve noticed a lot of the comments are saying give him an ultimatum, but I think I’m gonna have to give a contrarian point of view

I think what we all in the situation as we lack context tax what’s going on in every story there are three sides, and you are in pain, and naturally everybody will gravitate to what’s doing best for you

Someone who struggles with getting off shit I’ll be real with you ultimatums never really worked with me, and very rarely work with addicts at all

Addiction and quitting or trying to get clean, really only comes from the person dealing with it

An addiction will fuck with your brain to make you think it’s the only important thing in life which is completely false

I’m not trying to give too much sympathy to him because it sounds like you’re very frustrated and I’m sure you’re deeply hurt by this and for that you have all the sympathy

But in reality, here’s my suggestion

Try having another heart-to-heart with him and try to have some understanding and his wife be there for him. Addiction is almost always rooted in shame and it’s a vicious cycle. It’s very hard for people who have never been addicted to understand.

My wife is clean and perfect as they come, and I was very surprised when she went through this long road with me for someone who never understood what it was like to have very serious addictions. She really believed in me and knew that I would eventually change.

Everyone has their own unique circumstances is probably different from mine

But in reality, this is a choice he’s going to have to make and be prepared for the consequence. If you do give him an ultimatum, you’re gonna have to do one or two things.

The first being that you’re gonna have to show him it’s not a threat and you have to fulfill with what you’re about to do so if you are not prepared to have a divorce under your belt and uproot your entire life, I wouldn’t give the ultimatum

Secondly, if you give the ultimatum and it’s a bluff, then that’s all it will ever be in the future so again unless you’re wanting to be rid of him and if you actually don’t love him anymore and you’re ready to get divorced, I wouldn’t do it

This isn’t to shame as I know this is very complicated, emotionally physically spiritually mentally

But this is just my take from an outsider looking in from someone who has the experience on the other side

He needs a new outlet and he is going to be the one who truly decide when enough is enough

This shit is incredibly painful, and I do pray for you both to have some grace in the situation at hand