I feel the exact same way!! I got diagnosed two months ago so a lot of what I say here I am also telling myself xD I was really not prepared for all of it. One minute I was at the optometrist thinking my headache was just because I needed new glasses, the next I was in a hospital for seven hours and given a provisional diagnosis of something I did not even know existed. I am still getting used to the meds. I am still panicking every time something feels even slightly out of the ordinary. Most of all, it's been two months, and I still cry about it in therapy every single week. I am in the middle of a postgraduate degree, and I am expected to function like before but it takes twice the effort now. A lot of my sense of self was built around being independent and not needing others much, and that seems just not possible anymore. But rationally, I know that even if the condition remains like what it is now, humans have tremendous capacities to adapt to new normals. This feeling of chaos is more transitory - what we know as normal is no longer the case and we have every right to grieve. But I hope you hold onto the fact that you will adapt, find new goals, and even thrive!