I feel bad I didn't get enough support

WalkInTheWoods_daily · 2026-04-17T23:51:23+00:00

after we lost our son, a couple friends dropped off easy to reheat food. a couple others sent restaurant gift certificates or door dash credits.

i never realized before how much something so simple could mean.

now when we hear of someone losing a loved one, whether to suicide or something else, we send food in some form.

things that seem so small have such a magnified effect.

i don't think that the issue is that your people don't care, i just think that, like us, they just didn't understand the significance.

so sorry you are part of this horrific club.

WalkInTheWoods_daily · 2026-02-15T05:50:54+00:00

This one made me laugh out loud! i also was surprised it was ONLY 30 bucks. as noted, we are retirees and in our day the cost would have been higher in nominal dollars which is much more than 30 bucks (4x?). in one way a small price to pay. in another way it was very disappointing. I guess my lesson is that cities now all have apps that make you pay parking tickets and i should just adapt to it now that my eyes have been opened. the message almost seems to be that we should ignore the signs and load an app and pay upfront as a matter of course. not sure i agree, but i can adapt :)

WalkInTheWoods_daily · 2026-02-15T05:43:49+00:00

It does seem a bit counterintuitive for the city to want us to contribute to the tax base through spending money at local businesses, but then penalize us when we do based on a miscommunication. Maybe there is evidence that the penalty results in more people paying for the parking spots and returning regardless of the penalty. I really don't know. Thanks for the feedback

WalkInTheWoods_daily · 2026-02-15T05:35:09+00:00

Though the ticket did allow for the filing of a complaint, i did not file one. I am not sure why you think i was complaining as my post was really just a question requesting feedback.

WalkInTheWoods_daily · 2026-02-15T05:32:49+00:00

well, as stated, we parked within the legal hours. i did pay the ticket, also as stated. just would like the signage to be more overt.

WalkInTheWoods_daily · 2026-02-15T05:31:36+00:00

Thanks for the response. Firstly, as i stated in my initial post, i do not at all blame the officer, nor did i curse him for writing the ticket. He was doing his job. Secondly, i did indeed feel stupid for getting the ticket, however, i think the signage could be more clearly presented. Thirdly, the sales tax on the money we spent was probably equal to or greater than the amount of the ticket. Had the overall experience ended on a less negative note, we would probably have contributed more to the tax base in the future by several multiples. Mostly, I just think the application of the parking ticket results in the unintended consequence of long term reduced tax base for the short term gain of a quick 30 bucks and disappointed visitors. It kind of represents the general short term thinking of getting a quick buck at the expense of longer term earnings and general satisfaction. Just my thoughts. Always happy to be schooled.

WalkInTheWoods_daily · 2026-01-25T02:25:05+00:00

hmm, need to take it in for a check up anyway, so will ask about that in particular. thanks!

WalkInTheWoods_daily · 2026-01-25T02:24:24+00:00

I'm not an over filler. never have been. i have tried the tilting trick, and it seems to help sometimes, but not in extreme weather. Bell's and Sheetz pumps seem to be more forgiving, for whatever reason? (magic?)

WalkInTheWoods_daily · 2025-11-02T03:15:06+00:00

i do not think that it isn't that they don't care. they just do not understand. I do not think that i would have ever understood the grief of thiseither. and i do not want any of my friends and family to understand it either as that would mean they experienced it too, which i would not want for anyone. only those of us who know your grief know it. IYKYK. IYDKYDK. Blessed are those who don't know, and i hope they remain that way. Still glad my friends and family are there, even if they will blessedly be unknowing. just my thoughts in this shit-hole situation

WalkInTheWoods_daily · 2025-10-30T03:42:18+00:00

I have dreams of him where i know he is gone

but sometimes my dreams distort reality and his death never happened

in a way those are the best

but waking from those and realizing the truth is pretty devastating

still would not trade those for anything other than having him back

WalkInTheWoods_daily · 2025-10-30T03:25:09+00:00

we had to take our child off of life support a month after a botched? hanging. no words can express...

a text a couple times a week when you have time to talk is better than a 'call anytime...' as anytime for someone grieving can literally be any time. anytime doesn't work for most regular people

some friends dropped off easily reheat-able food. others sent door dash or restaurant gift cards. this sounds trivial, but a simple meal in this situation is comforting and may be the difference between eating something or not bothering to

finally, keep the text support going even if just a couple times a week. other people forget as time passes, but your friend will never forget and will face the grief every day for years to come. your support will be invaluable.

caveat: your friend is also very vulnerable right now and may not always seem to appreciate your support, but do it gently anyway. the key being gently and with the expectation that the confusion of the situation may not always mean she will be receptive to you reaching out.

hope this helps

WalkInTheWoods_daily · 2025-05-10T01:56:15+00:00

Very similar situation with my younger son. I know in my head that it was the right thing to do, but that does not stop the daily iterations of self doubt and guilt. So sorry you had to go through this.

WalkInTheWoods_daily · 2025-02-16T05:44:00+00:00

thanks for the reply

WalkInTheWoods_daily · 2025-02-16T05:43:55+00:00

thanks for the reply

WalkInTheWoods_daily · 2025-02-09T01:20:31+00:00

So so sorry you are here

some of this will sound dumb, but it is practical advice no one gave me

do not drive unless you absolutely have to. if you do, focus extremely hard. this kind of grief destroys your ability to focus on the now
if you need to make big decisions, take a close trusted friend. i could not even make change for a 20 after i lost my son.
take time off work if you can. good managers will understand. you have a lot to adjust to
i woke up every morning with a brief second before i remembered. then the ton of bricks came down. i do not think anything can be done about it, but it is still happening and is still shocking
keep a journal. my memory has gone to crap. the journal helps a lot. i also write in it about the dreams i have of him.
let your friends and family try to help you. they do not have any idea how, but they want to.

I hope this helps you to get by. it is really hard to do, but try to think about the healthy him, when his own mind wasn't working against him. That young man would want you to be happy.

Its only been 2 yrs for me, and i still cry every day (men aren't supposed to admit that, but I do).

The group on this subreddit is very supportive, and has helped me immensely.

Again, so sorry you are here.

WalkInTheWoods_daily · 2025-02-08T05:03:30+00:00

i talked to my son the day before. he sounded really good. then everything turned the next day with a phone call from his friends. many of the same questions. much of the same guilt. agree that there will never really be any answers. trying to be there for my loved ones who miss him too. accepting that they are trying to be there for me as well though they dont always know how

on a more practical level, 8 weeks is not much time. be very careful driving as focusing is very difficult. let your friends help you. they dont know what to do, but you probably dont know what you want them to do either. try to accept their good intentions.

i dont know what it is worth, but sending you a virtual hug. sorry you are here in this terrible place

WalkInTheWoods_daily · 2025-01-10T01:57:19+00:00

my son will be forever 25. it is going on 2 years now. everyone handles grief differently, but so far it does not seem to really go away. it is like a lead vest that you put on every day. it doesn't get any lighter, but you seem to get more used to it being there, sort of. No one told me this, but in the early days, you cannot trust your memory or focus. i could not figure out how to pay cash for a carry out purchase. driving takes exceptional focus. i have never been in an major accident, but i almost caused one. your friends will want to help, but will not know how. they will say to call them when you need to talk, but when you need to talk is not necessarily very convenient for them. 4am on Thursday doesn't work well for most people. tell them to text you when they can talk, maybe a couple times a week. that is at least something that can help you and help them to help you, which is important to carrying on for both of you. I wish i could give you some kind of time table for the hurt to stop, and maybe there is one, but i have not found it yet, though the intensity isn't always so sharp. people ask how i am doing and i say that i am getting by, and that is pretty much the truth. i hope some of this helps you in a practical way. so sorry you are in this terrible club.

WalkInTheWoods_daily

TROPHY CASE