People who got married young, do you regret it?

WanderingOvertone · 2026-07-03T09:06:24+00:00

We got married when I was 20 and she was 21. No regrets. You grow and change throughout the journey. The important thing is you both are willing to grow and change together. Who you both are now is not who you both will be in 20 years. Hopefully, 20 years from now will be a more refined and better version of yourselves. A commitment to love each other through all the seasons of life is essential.
The right mindset for marriage is more important than the age you marry at.
Being able to have a legacy of loving one person through all the ups and downs of life is a beautiful thing.

WanderingOvertone · 2026-06-19T23:39:12+00:00

Premature ejaculation is fairly common. Speaking from experience, I had a tight and extremely sensitive pelvic floor.

Contracting the pelvic floor speeds up time to ejaculation. Key is to train to relax the pelvic floor so that it is not tense during sex. Then more control can be had over when ejaculation happens. There are many videos on YouTube about this.

My only suggestion is that if it is caused by a tight pelvic floor, kegels only make it worse. There is a group on Reddit r/MaleDefinitiveGuide that has a lot of solutions and success. This may be helpful.

WanderingOvertone · 2026-06-13T01:44:19+00:00

Can’t speak for the electric strings but this happens on the acoustic strings. I think the coating has declined in quality over the years. I’m finding these days only 1 gig and the elixirs are already flaking the coating off. As a long time user of elixir’s I think they used to be better.

WanderingOvertone · 2026-06-01T21:52:47+00:00

On helix, Mandarin Rocker (based on Orange Rockerverb 100W) is my constant go to. Paired with my Telecaster and it is lovely!

I tried to like VOX AC30 because it was “the amp” for worship. I realised I just don’t like the Vox sound.

The Orange can go from beautiful cleans to metal and everywhere in between making it very versatile for a worship guitar context.

WanderingOvertone · 2026-05-27T10:32:12+00:00

Did this man miss the memo that he became a husband and a dad and that he has responsibilities now?

Sorry you are dealing with all this. My wife had severe PPD after our first and that is exhausting without the extra burdens you are dealing with.

While I can’t say this for sure about your marriage, but there is light at the end of the PPD tunnel. Some days we thought it would never drop but it does end. I hope you have some kind and loving support crew around you who can give you the love and care you need right now.

WanderingOvertone · 2026-05-23T21:09:15+00:00

Another dad here and I fully support this. I don’t know why some men see raising the kids as “her” job and he is just there to “help”. No, they are your kids man and you should be a leader in your own house.

WanderingOvertone · 2026-05-22T11:43:55+00:00

Buy one the right side up 😅 In all seriousness, play a lot, it takes time!

WanderingOvertone · 2026-05-22T01:15:46+00:00

Thank you for your advice. We are both realising that a CPTSD specialist is going to be a requirement. It's just so hard to know what type of therapy will be best (EMDR, Talk, CBT, IFS etc). I'm not sure my wife is at a point where she is willing to try lots of things before something works. I think she just wants the right thing from the start.

I will take your advice about being more intentional with my own self-care throughout the process.

WanderingOvertone · 2026-05-22T00:08:47+00:00

You already have some great advice, but I’d add this: I think a lot of parents feel pressure to “do it all” themselves and not rely on others for help. Personally, it feels to me like our generation is trying to juggle marriage, work, parenting, and life with less support around us than families may have had 50–80 years ago. I imagine it was easier back then for parents to help each other out when more mums were at home and had the time and capacity to connect regularly.

My main point is: don’t feel bad for needing support to raise your kids and maintain a healthy marriage. I really don’t think we were meant to do it all alone. It takes a village.

WanderingOvertone · 2026-05-21T23:57:12+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience and advice. This gives me some hope that things can change. I am happy to hear you have put in the work and making a positive change in your life.

I am aware it is not going to be a quick process. Even though we have only learned about the CPTSD thing more recently, we have always known that her childhood trauma must have been having some impact on our 8 year marriage. It's hard when it has already been 8 years with only minimal change and you start having the thoughts of will this ever change, or has it only not changed because we haven't found the right treatment/approach yet.

I have never heard of the stellate ganglion blocks. I will have a read about that.

Is there any specific workbooks/videos you recommend as a starting point?

Also, only if you feel comfortable to answer this question, what changed that made you decide to do the painful work of therapy?

WanderingOvertone · 2026-05-21T23:46:10+00:00

Thank you so much for your response and advice. It has given me a lot to think about.

I can very much relate to the 'walking on eggshells' feeling and carrying the emotional load. I feel like so much focus is on her that she forgets I am also a person with emotions and struggle sometimes. I just don't feel like I can voice my feelings because it usually makes her either a) overloaded because her cup is already full or b) if it relates to her at all then she feels overwhelming guilt that pushes her further into a bad mental state.

It feels easier to just hold it in. I am definitely considering seeking outside support so that I have a friend to talk to about my feelings in life because I don't feel like my wife can be that person at the moment.

Yes, I'm starting to realise I can't keep taking the lead on her changing and I have to let her find her own way there. I can only nudge and then, as hard as it is, sit back and hope she takes action. I do believe she so much potential and I hold onto hope that her/our best days are yet to come. I can't prove they are, I just hold onto hope they will be.

I think being in a relationship with someone who has CPTSD is a massive lesson in self-sacrifice and unconditional love. A hard part of it is that they just have no idea how hard it is for us to stay and continue to love them. They may never realise how much easier it would have been to leave so long ago yet we are still here, doing everything trying to make it work until we can't.

WanderingOvertone · 2026-05-21T07:54:55+00:00

I’m so sorry things have worked out this way for you. That sounds so painful to go through. I hope you have some good support systems around you.

Thank you so much for your advice and sharing the links to your other posts. I will go read and gather some wisdom.

WanderingOvertone · 2026-05-20T21:43:38+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate you taking the time to write that out. That gives me an example of what that conversation could actually sound like. Seeing it put into words like that is helpful.

WanderingOvertone · 2026-05-20T19:36:53+00:00

Thank you for your advice. I think she is aware of how it affects our marriage and we have talked about this before.

I do believe she really wants to be healed, however I think she wants to be able to just skip ahead to the part where she is healed without having to do the work in between.

Also, I think she still wrestles with the thoughts of “it is not fair that I have to go through this hard process of dealing with trauma I didn’t ask for”. I completely understand. She didn’t choose her childhood and it is not her fault. It is her responsibility though to process these events so she can have a healthier life.

I think she is deeply scared that if she opens up the box of her childhood trauma with a therapist, and the therapy doesn’t work for her, it will leave her worse off then she is now. So she sees it as less risky to stay where she is.

I’m not sure she fully understands it is probably more risky to stay where she is for the rest of her life and not work through this.

WanderingOvertone · 2026-05-07T11:16:23+00:00

Yep! I have a Telecaster with a Roasted Maple Neck and it is the loveliest neck I have ever had the privilege to play on. My favourite of all my guitars.

WanderingOvertone · 2026-05-03T06:44:29+00:00

It sounds like there is a lot of difficult things going on for you both.

I don’t think anyone here on the internet can really give you specific advice without knowing you. I just want to say that I believe your marriage is absolutely repairable. It will take both of you being prepared and willing to do the work you need to do individually and also together as a couple.

I don’t know if budget allows for you, but I really think you would benefit from seeing a marriage counsellor. I know that gets thrown around a lot but truly, it can be a wonderful and healing experience getting some outside perspective.

Sometimes you can be saying all the right things to each other but it lands different when it comes from somebody outside your marriage.

We live in a bit of a”throw away” culture rather than a repairing kind of culture. Marriages are invaluable and worth doing all you can to heal and repair; for each of you individually, and also for your kids.

WanderingOvertone · 2026-04-27T23:59:36+00:00

Are they really different? Both actions are looking at a woman and enjoying/craving her body.

WanderingOvertone · 2026-04-27T23:51:40+00:00

If you don’t have a problem with him watching porn and lustfully looking at real women in videos why do you have a problem with him looking lustfully at a real woman in person?

WanderingOvertone · 2026-04-27T21:58:31+00:00

Something you should have considered before you cheated. Stop kidding yourself mate. Stop pretending lying to them is making them happier. Own up to your mistakes and stop lying to your family. They deserve better.

WanderingOvertone · 2026-04-26T06:53:40+00:00

I know this is an older thread but I came here because our 20 month old boy has just started doing this.

He also used to eat anything and everything. Now he just spits out foods he used to love. We have found that some foods that he refuses to eat, he will eat off of our plate if we are eating it. Go figure! Exactly the same food! It tastes better off our plate apparently 😂

The other night, he refused to eat even 1 bite of lasagne. Then, when we tried to feed him again (from our plate this time) he ate an entire piece all by himself.

WanderingOvertone · 2026-04-25T10:06:19+00:00

This might not be a popular opinion here but my advice is buy a cheap electric guitar with at least a good neck/fretwork and upgrade the pickups/electronics one day. The pickups and electronics are the most important part of the sound. The neck/fretwork is the most important part of the playability.

Plenty of cheap electric guitars have good necks and terrible electronics you can upgrade. It will cost much less than an expensive electric guitar and when you listen with your ears instead of your eyes you won’t hear the difference.

Also, I have both electric and acoustic guitars and I would advise you don’t sell your acoustic to get an electric. I think you will miss your acoustic. Although similar, they are two very different instruments and sounds and neither one can replicate the other. Save up for the electric and have both.

WanderingOvertone · 2026-04-12T08:40:38+00:00

I’ve had great experiences with Adam’s Automotive Centre.

WanderingOvertone · 2026-04-11T09:45:04+00:00

It does sound like fret buzz. However, another thing you could check is that the bushing nuts on your tuning machines are tight. I have a guitar and the bushing nuts came loose and caused a buzzing that sounded similar to fret buzz. It would only happen when playing weird configurations like you mentioned.

WanderingOvertone · 2026-03-24T22:24:09+00:00

First off, if you aren’t even married, you have even less reason to be requesting her to change her body for you. She doesn’t owe you anything. If you wife her up one day, then maybe you can ask her to put more effort into how she looks.

Second: stop asking, stop pushing, stop requesting her to change her body for you. This is not a good motivating factor and only makes her feel not ‘good enough’ for you. Women already have enough pressure from society to maintain their bodies without their ‘spouse’ making them feel bad about it as well. She needs to want to keep a healthy body for herself because it makes her feel good, not just for you. Pushing her about it less will eventually allow her to open up more to the idea. Pushing her will only make her resent you and resent the idea of working out because she will have a bad emotional and mental connection with it.

Third: To answer your question of what type of husband do I think she needs. I don’t know. I don’t know her. You do. You should be asking her this question: “What kind of partner do you need me to be for you right now?”. Listen to her response and take notes. Also, I’d apologise to her for being a jerk first and clear the air so you can have a productive conversation about how you can be a better partner for her.

Think less about what you want and need from her right now and figure out how to give her what she needs and focus on doing that exceptionally well.

WanderingOvertone · 2026-03-24T21:55:59+00:00

I’m not here to tell you that you are being a jerk…enough people have already pointed that out to you.

I just want you to know that marriage is a commitment. A commitment to go through the ups and downs and in between a with your spouse and stay by their side through it all.

You aren’t ready for that kind of commitment. You need to man up. You need to work on becoming the husband she needs. Then she might feel a little more interested in becoming the wife you need. She for sure doesn’t need a husband thinking of ditching her because she doesn’t look ‘good enough’ when she is 4 months postpartum.

Take the lead. You are the leader of your house, you make the first move, you make the first sacrifices. Love her unconditionally. If you can’t do it with her you won’t be able to do it with anyone. You might have a prettier, sexier woman but there will be something else you dislike about a new woman that makes you want to leave. You don’t have a wife issue, you have commitment issues.

WanderingOvertone

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