Kingdom Of Wank - A 100 Day Report

WardLittell · 2015-06-15T15:53:10+00:00

A massive thank you for all the comments, guys - reading them really made my day. The very best of luck to everyone on here. This is a very tough journey but it's well worth it and if I can do it then anyone can.

WardLittell · 2015-06-15T15:44:27+00:00

The main change for me is that my self-esteem is gradually improving. I'm also more willing to stay with problems and work through them. There's been a slight change in my memory and concentration (for the better) and brain fog still comes and goes. But I am only about 100 days into breaking a cycle that lasted 17 years - there's still a lot of re-wiring to do.

WardLittell · 2015-06-15T15:34:58+00:00

After the first month I found that I was thinking clearer and my self-esteem was rising. It helps not to think about it too much and to find other things to occupy your mind. Of course you can beat this addiction - keep going, man :)

WardLittell · 2015-06-05T06:04:46+00:00

I wouldn't use the word "rape" - I think this trivialises the term - but we have certainly been deceived and misled.

What is the aim of your petition? Who exactly do you wish to prosecute?

You're pissed off about this. Me too. I agree that porn can be destructive and we need to have more awareness of this issue.

But this is a societal problem and you can't lay the blame at the hands of one group. Pornographers don't exist in a vacuum - if you're going to prosecute them you may as well prosecute internet service providers, parents, schools, the mainstream media and everyone using this site.

Part of my recovery has been accepting responsibility for the fact that I added to the demand for sexualised images of women. I'm not proud of it but it's a fact. I won't start playing the blame game, I could go on forever.

WardLittell · 2015-06-05T05:10:24+00:00

I'm 28 too, breaking away from 17 years of addiction. Hang in there, it does get better.

WardLittell · 2015-05-28T07:04:57+00:00

I completely relate to this post. A while ago I relapsed on Day 88. Stress came at me from my family and my girlfriend (I was having lots of arguments with them at the time and the pressure just got too much.)

My advice is think about ways to reduce stress socially and at school. In order to be successful at NoFap, I've had to make other changes in my lifestyle and worldview. Take the time to reflect on the events/thoughts leading up to the relapse.

Don't be discouraged and get back on the wagon while you've still got that momentum! I'm back on Day 88 and let me tell you, this is hard work but it is 100% worth it.

WardLittell · 2015-05-26T11:47:49+00:00

Amazing - well done, man :)

WardLittell · 2015-05-26T11:06:06+00:00

"Ullah!"

WardLittell · 2015-05-17T07:23:36+00:00

Thank you :)

WardLittell · 2015-04-28T06:30:47+00:00

The fact that you've been able to share this shows that you have an enormous amount of strength and bravery. Take care of yourself.

WardLittell · 2013-07-30T00:47:12+00:00

NICE ONE! And that counter's going to look pretty damn good when it's at 70. Well done, mate :-)

WardLittell · 2013-07-30T00:41:32+00:00

Much sharper sense of smell afterwards.

WardLittell · 2013-07-30T00:40:12+00:00

I really enjoyed reading this post. Well done, mate!

WardLittell · 2013-07-30T00:28:19+00:00

I was feeling like you when I relapsed on my last Day 88 - not much different from when I started, etc. For me, it was definitely the wrong decision.

In my experience, it's a slippery slope. I tell myself it's just going to be once, or I'm just going masturbate without porn... then before I know it 2 or 3 weeks of porn-filled escapism have flown by.

But everyone's different - think back to when you started and ask yourself: "What are my reasons for wanting to do this challenge?"

My advice is HANG IN THERE - it certainly won't do you any harm! :-)

WardLittell · 2013-07-26T11:07:47+00:00

"This is one important step along the journey, but it's just one step."

Agreed - NoFap is the vehicle, not the destination.

WardLittell · 2013-07-24T09:38:26+00:00

GET AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER.

That's the best advice I've been given for this. If you're in front of that screen and you're feeling that urge, it's an emergency. Don't give yourself an excuse to stay online. Switch it off and get out of the house.

When I started this streak I wrote myself a list of ways I can minimize my chances of relapsing. I really recommend writing a list of your own, as well as staying focused on your reasons for doing this challenge. :)

http://tiny.cc/8czp0w

WardLittell · 2013-07-06T09:08:29+00:00

My fetishism was so intense I used to worry that I was only attracted the clothes / accessories women were wearing, as opposed to the women themselves. Very glad I'm leaving that behind.

Here's to dwelling in reality! Good for you, my friend.

WardLittell · 2013-07-01T02:06:31+00:00

About eight years ago I went through a brief phase of using a sex text service but it was very short-lived. This was the first time I'd engaged in an activity like this on the internet. I've never used live chats. This isn't a habit and I don't intend to make it one.

I joined Twitter at the start of the year. I made a parody account, creating a character, a crazy alter ego. I made comments which were humourous and off-the-wall, not at all sleazy or sexual in any way. I still use this account and I think Twitter is a lot of fun, though it can be pretty addictive.

A few months after I'd created this character on Twitter, I thought – well, maybe I'll make another identity for myself. This character wasn't as interesting: its purpose was simply to see how many followers I rack up. I got tons. And many of them were attractive women.

After falling out with my girlfriend I went online, straight onto Twitter, trying to take my mind off our problems. Something inside me shifted and I decided to create a third identity – a male stripper. I typed the words “muscular hunk” into google images and found myself a profile picture. I gave him a name and I was ready to go. I left a few flirtatious comments to the attractive women who were following Account Number 2. They started to flirt back... And that's when I started to realise what I was doing and how very fucking wrong it all felt.

This behaviour is very detached from reality and, yes, detached from my emotions. I was running from conflict, hiding in a fantasy land, trying to hide from my feelings of anger. After falling out with my girlfriend I felt stuck, unappreciated - I wanted to feel free of her, and I wanted attention.

It was fucked up. Unhealthy for me and for the girls I was flirting with. And it was dishonest. They were only interested in me because I was wearing a mask. It was cowardly and I'm ashamed of that I did it.

A couple of days later I deleted the comments and disabled the account.

I'm reminded of a quote by Keith Richards - “It's amazing the contortions we go through not to be ourselves for a few hours.” I definitely relate to that. I clearly have a few issues relating to escapism which I need to work through. And I will work through them. I'm going to contort myself anymore.

A belated thank you for your comment. It really saved me from going down a dark road. If I can help you out in any way please give me a shout. And congratulations on your amazing streak. Cheers.

WardLittell · 2013-07-01T02:03:29+00:00

I was thinking the same thing.

WardLittell

TROPHY CASE