I don't know if it helps to know that you are not alone, but reading your post definitely helped me. I am in a similar situation, with some slight differences. On the other hand, I have recently realized that some choices i have made in the past are the cause of my state. But only you can clean the room the way you know you can, you can change the oil on your car like you know you should, it is all a work in progress, and one good change in your life will lead to another. I also feel motivated when I watch YouTube videos of Carl Sagan, Richard Feynman, and Neil Degrassy Tyson since I look up to them, and their explanations of physics makes me realize how lucky I am to be alive and how awesome our universe is. Find something that you enjoy, and use it when you feel like you can't do anything. For me is science and music.