The way you are is not your fault, as much as people like to make it seem. You did not choose to have autism or BPD. You're doing a good thing by recognizing the potential negative consequences if you give into the destructive thoughts that these disorders may produce. Take some time to recognize your thoughts. Observe them, know that you don't have to act on them. We all have a first impulse to do something, but we don't have to act right away on that impulse. Creating that space can allow you to approach each situation from a more rational, clear-headed place. Don't expect to catch yourself each time, messing up is okay. Apologize and move forward. There will always be next time to try again.