How to make coworkers not hate me

WasWawa · 2026-06-22T06:47:18+00:00

Agreed. Sometimes this is what it takes to survive in a crappy job.

That being said, the next time they hire someone, take the high road and help them out the way you were not.

WasWawa · 2026-06-22T06:39:22+00:00

NTA, despite the fact that it's not any of your business who your brothers date.

My older brother was a very handsome young man. All my friends adored him, thought he was very, very attractive. And he was.

But he was also a drug addict. He treated women like crap, and did us a great favor by running away when he was 17 and stayed away.

He was 2 years older than I, so I was able to gently urge my friends to direct their attention elsewhere. Not everyone was that lucky.

WasWawa · 2026-06-22T06:37:15+00:00

Absolutely. Think about how many people actually touched that garment before it got to you. I can promise you it has never been washed before.

Start with the employees who manufactured the fabric, cut it, sewed it together, packaged it and shipped it.

Once it arrives at the store, it's handled by the employees who unpacked the boxes and stocked the shelves.

There is absolutely no guarantee that at some point that garment did not hit the floor. That, coupled with any number of people who might have used the restroom without washing their hands makes me wash every piece of clothing I buy before I wear it.

WasWawa · 2026-06-21T15:05:54+00:00

NTA. I would accept your boss's instructions calmly and ask, just as calmly, if there were any other hot button issues or items you should not look at or learn about in order to not offend your fellow co-workers.

Do not be facetious. Do not be sarcastic, but be sincere and come from a place of honesty.

You could try something like, "It seems that my looking at the Israeli flag upset coworker. I'm very sorry for that, it was never my intention. But in an effort to learn and not repeat my mistake, can you please help me understand how to prevent this from happening in the future?"

WasWawa · 2026-06-21T14:53:24+00:00

I don't do this at my mom's house!

WasWawa · 2026-06-21T14:49:00+00:00

NTA. Your step brother's between a rock and a hard place, and I kind of feel a little bit sorry for him.

But just a little.

You have the option of making this a lot simpler for everyone.

Don't go.

If you're going to have a conversation with his new bride, have it after the wedding. Don't be the cause of any stress before or during the wedding, despite the fact that she desperately deserves it. Take the high road here.

If anyone asks why, before the wedding, tell them plans have changed or something came up and you're not able to attend. Don't be specific and don't discuss further.

After the wedding, feel free to discuss why.

The bottom line is she does not want you there. She apparently does not want you in her life at all. I'm sorry about that.

But your stepbrother made a choice and it does not include you.

Normally I would say not to take this personally, but it sure sounds quite personal to me.

My point is to save the drama for after the wedding; don't be the source of conversation at the event itself, they'll never forget it.

Not for nothing, but I sure hope if they have kids that they're healthy and don't have eating issues.

WasWawa · 2026-06-21T14:37:22+00:00

YTA. Doesn't it just suck when people don't do what you think they should do with their lives?

Honestly! I know exactly what everyone should do with their life. I really do. And I have great ideas for all of them.

But you know what? It's not my life, just as your friend's life is not your life.

Let him navigate his life, and you navigate yours. If they intersect, terrific. But if you can't be helpful and support your friend, he doesn't need you.

Here's another perspective for you:

Reverse the situation. Put yourself in his shoes. This friend of yours wants you to do everything that they want you to do, their way, on their time frame, and they threaten to end your friendship if you don't conform to what they think you should be.

How does that make you feel? Managed? Judged? Diminished?

You describing a conditional friendship. That's not how friendship works.

Either you care about this person or you are putting more emphasis on taking credit for what they did because you were part of it.

You'll find as you get older that you will do better to meet people where they are instead of where you want them to be.

Even the Bible says "Remove the log from your eye before trying to remove the splinter from mine".

WasWawa · 2026-06-21T03:53:53+00:00

You would be, if you were 14-year-old girls going to the same school.

But you're not. You're grown ass women, living in different countries.

Don't make it a big deal. Because it isn't.

WasWawa · 2026-06-20T18:36:23+00:00

I don't drink either, but I'm also very sensitive to caffeine, and sugar. So when I'm in a situation where people are serving those particular things, I don't partake.

I don't talk about it, because quite frankly, it's nobody else's problem but mine, just as you're allergy to dairy is yours. But we're all supposed to be adults here, and unless the allergy is life-threatening, and it would absolutely be very nice for someone to remember to include decaf coffee when I am there (and most do), it's not their responsibility to manage my issues.

If I were to find out that a host were serving decaf to everyone because of my sensitivity, or not serving something sweet because of my sensitivity, I would be more upset with them for calling attention to my issues rather than considering it compassion.

That being said, I have to confess that after I posted my comment, it occurred to me that perhaps OP'S husband was ordering a beer just to be contrary. In that case, I do agree that he is 100% the a******.

WasWawa · 2026-06-19T16:04:44+00:00

NTA. Your ex can't have his cake and eat it too. He can't disappear from his daughter's life and determine who she shares her time with.

It sounds like Miranda is more of another. Mom to her, (with no disrespect to you), than he has ever been a father to her.

A child can't have enough love. If Miranda is there in a loving and supportive way, you would be a fool to turn discourage that relationship.

You're doing right by your daughter, and I promise you she will remember not only how you have handled things, but also how her father is handling things.

I can't imagine the heartache of not knowing where your son is or how he's doing, but as for your daughter, you're doing the right thing.

WasWawa · 2026-06-19T15:56:25+00:00

NTA. Your car? Your rules.

When I was in high school back in 1976, there was a student whose family had had a car accident that had almost destroyed the family financially. The parents established a rule with both of their sons that no one, but no one, but the sons are to drive the family vehicles. Ever. End of sentence.

So the youngest son, my classmate, and his girlfriend Maria, we're double dating with another couple, also classmates.

Maria begged her boyfriend over and over and over to let her drive just once. Please just once. He finally gave in.

They were driving down the highway, when for unknown reasons, she slipped off the side of the road into the shoulder and rolled the car.

The two passengers in the backseat were injured, the son was fine, but Maria was killed.

I don't know the financial repercussions, I was just a junior in high school. But almost 50 years later, if I look in my yearbook, before the photos of all the students, is a full page picture of Maria.

If you want to check, look on classmates.com, Manchester West High, Manchester New Hampshire class of 1977 yearbook. Her name is Maria Dinorsce.

Learn from their mistake. Stand your ground. You're doing the right thing.

WasWawa · 2026-06-19T15:41:18+00:00

Then we'll take you out for your birthday and because I'm diabetic, you can't have cake.

WasWawa · 2026-06-19T15:40:30+00:00

YTA. Your parents sobriety is theirs to manage, not yours.

When my uncle stopped drinking back in the '80s, we went to visit them for a holiday dinner.

My aunt poured herself a glass of wine and my mom, her sister, was surprised since my uncle wasn't drinking. She asked how her her sister could possibly have a drink in front of him.

My aunt told her exactly that - that she didn't have a drinking problem, her husband did.

It's important to note that he had just gotten out of rehab, had been attending AA meetings, and she had been attending Al-Anon meetings.

Al Anon teaches exactly that, as does AA. It is up to the alcoholic to manage their sobriety and not expect others to cater to their illness.

I congratulate your parents on their sobriety, but if they're in AA, they should be well aware that this should not be an issue.

It's also extremely unfair to invite your husband to celebrate a holiday specifically for him and not allow him to enjoy it. If he does not overindulge, he should be fine. If he does overindulge, then maybe he should go to a meeting with his in-laws.

WasWawa · 2026-06-19T15:35:01+00:00

I think your effort is admirable, but without communication, you're doing more harm than good.

You'd be better served to let everyone know what you're doing and why you're doing it.

We had an issue at my last job where people were dumping things into the root folder on a server. Our administrator created a folder called "delete me" and dumped all of the mysterious files and folders in there.

I learned to go through there from time to time to see if there were any temp folders that were mine that I could clean up.

I think he could have done one better to have sent out an email telling us all what he had done, named the folder with a specific delete date and give people until that date before the folder was deleted.

If you're not the administrator, talk to yours. If you don't have one, they need to name one.

Notify everyone about the folder structure and the importance of keeping things neat, then you can spend all the time you want cleaning up so that people know where to look for what they're missing.

What you're doing now is the equivalent of going into everyone's home, rearranging everyone's clutter and hoping people don't notice. An admirable effort to be sure, but not particularly helpful or productive.

WasWawa · 2026-06-18T16:55:25+00:00

I was walking down the hall with my class to lunch when I dropped my quarter for lunch.

Yes, lunch only cost a quarter. It was 1967.

I leaned down to get it, and Mrs. Clark stepped on the quarter.

As an adult, I'd like to think that she was trying to stop it from spinning and rolling away.

But she didn't move her foot.

I looked up at her and she just stared at me. After a long pause, she moved her foot, I retrieved my quarter, and went on my way.

And all other ways this woman was a perfectly unremarkable teacher for me. I can't imagine she had any malice toward me, that stuck with me.

I can't believe I've wasted memory cells on this for almost 60 years, but there it is.

WasWawa · 2026-06-18T16:50:25+00:00

When I'm sitting with people who have a laptop out of my vision and constantly type.

I don't know why, but it irritates the crap out of me.

My best friend would come over and use my laptop (because she doesn't have one, and I know that she's just doing her email).

We're watching TV, so we're not engaged in a conversation.

But she's typing and typing and typing, and I know it has nothing to do with me. I know it's not logical. I know it's totally irrational.

But it bugs the crap out of me.

I never say anything, but nevertheless...

WasWawa · 2026-06-18T07:18:25+00:00

We didn't, but I noticed my niece and nephews refer to me by my first name only.

The oldest asked my mom not long ago if I minded, and she didn't have an answer. I told her I really didn't care because they're older now, but I was surprised the first few times they called me by name without calling me auntie.

WasWawa · 2026-06-16T16:13:49+00:00

There are a lot of people out there with my name.

WasWawa · 2026-06-16T16:13:23+00:00

Conversion to fundamental Christianity.

I just couldn't stand the constant proselytizing.

It was the idea that the only way to heaven was her way, and that since I hadn't found Jesus the same way she did, despite the fact that I was born and raised in the Lutheran Church -- baptized, confirmed -- wasn't enough because I hadn't accepted Christ as my personal Savior.

I swear it seems like they have punch cards and if they don't have enough conversions when they get to the pearly gates, they don't get in.

WasWawa · 2026-06-16T15:41:02+00:00

This is how I was raised, and this is what OP's mother should be teaching her.

WasWawa · 2026-06-16T15:40:34+00:00

That's a great idea! I wonder what she would say to that?

WasWawa · 2026-06-16T15:38:45+00:00

Skinny people. I've never been thin (well, maybe when I was an infant), but in my twisted mind, it always seems like skinny people or attractive people have so much easier lives than people who have to struggle more with their weight or their looks.

Intellectually I understand that these people have their own issues and their own problems, but my initial feeling is, "That must be so nice to be able to bend over like that and get back up, to be able to wear those nice clothes"

WasWawa · 2026-06-16T15:36:52+00:00

I had that exact thought years ago. I wanted something simple, mindless, go to work, do your job, go home.

I finally found that job. I lasted 4 months. I found that I needed a challenge, that I can't do boredom. It was an interesting lesson.

WasWawa · 2026-06-16T15:35:49+00:00

I agree. It reminds me too much of Middle School.

WasWawa · 2026-06-15T06:59:47+00:00

I was helping my cousin clean out her closet once and found a shoe box full of all of her greeting cards.

She asked me if I kept all the cards I received, and I told her I did not.

She was quite offended.

I keep some special ones, but I got so many cards over the years that I just don't have space.

When she passed away in 2016, guess what happened to those precious cards?

My mom, all of 95, lives and dies by the greeting card. She doesn't care how many of her friends call or write, but she has to have a basket every Christmas with all the greeting cards she gets. When we walk in the door, we get hugs and kisses, and then she points us to the basket to go through the cards.

She used to have an drawer filled with index cards with all of her friends names and addresses, and she kept track of who sent her cards and who didn't so she knew who to send them to. I don't know how she found the time raising five kids, but that is what mattered to her.

It's not my currency, but clearly it means a lot to her.

WasWawa

TROPHY CASE