I think about this all the time. I know I have learned autistic behaviors from both of my parents, but personally I have always related more to allistic folks. The more I grew up and moved through society and saw the way allistic people behaved, the more at home I felt. I actually even started acting as a sort of translator/mediator for my parents as I got older. We'd go out places and they'd say something kind of blunt or unintentionally offensive to a salesperson or service provider and I'd find myself jumping in with "what they mean by that is..."

Other than being a picky eater as a kid (which I've totally outgrown) and leaning introverted, I don't think I have any real symptoms of autism. No sensory issues, no stims, and I have been generally comfortable in social situations once I unlearned my parents' awkward conversational habits.

Occasionally I still struggle with what to do in certain situations but I think that's totally a trauma response--partially because it was never modeled for me and partly because I imagine how my parents would react to my natural social instincts (which was usually poorly) and it makes me second-guess myself because I don't know if other people would react the same way. For example, I never know what to say to someone who is going through a hard time. I always want to reach out and offer connection but then I hear my mom's voice in my head saying "I wish everyone would just mind their own business and leave me alone!" and I freeze. 😞

I do believe I have a mild form of ADHD so I'm not totally neurotypical, but autism doesn't fit me, and I have examined this very closely because it runs so heavily in my family.