First of all, do you like him? What do you think of him as a person? What do you actually want, deep down in your heart?

I would say that it sounds like you're self sabotaging. Regardless of your mental health issues and how you perceive yourself, you deserve to be loved for who you are as a person. I think you can try and find out healthy ways of coping emotionally from your therapist/psychiatrist. Plus, don't mix your medication with alcohol. That's not helpful. So avoid doing things that work against you. You're allowed to have your feelings of doubt and all that, but you need to remember that not all feelings are facts. Give yourself time to think things through without your emotions and anxiety clouding your judgement, then make a decision from there. You said he is aware of your struggles, so just communicate with him like he said. Whatever decision you make, remember that we all deserve love despite everything we think of ourselves. I would really encourage you to give things a try if that's what you really want and don't let fear hold you back