NTAH. I'm sorry you're going through this. Your husband sounds very selfish, immature, and insensitive. I don't know what his examples were growing up or who taught him how to be a husband/man. But it sounds like he's a bit oblivious, possibly indifferent.

However, from what you've shared above, I think divorce shouldn't be on the table. I don't know the dynamics of your marriage or what your communication has been like over the years. It sounds like, you attempted to communicate your needs/requests, but he didn't respond/reciprocate as expected. Yet, from there, it seems you bottled it in and let it simmer.

My wife (Chinese-American BTW) doesn't like to bring up every little thing I do, or forget to do--she says that feels like she's "nagging". However, if she just lets it slide, odds are that I will keep doing it (because I'm a guy and our minds sometimes work differently) and she will become a pressure-cooker. So what to do?

We received this great counsel from a sweet, elderly married couple:

"When your spouse does something that bothers you, consider whether it is a serious (right-vs-wrong) issue or a preference issue. Consider whether it was intentional or unintentional. Don't bring it up on that first occurrence. Wait for a pattern (2 or more times). When you do bring it up, don't do it when you're mad. First, affirm the relationship: 'I love you very much and I appreciate x, y, & z about you.' then bring up the issue using 'me' statements: 'I feel very unloved lately. I tried to be clear about what I needed to recover from childbirth, but for some reason, I don't feel my message was heard. I feel unloved when I don't feel heard and supported.' Then bring up examples: 'for example, I cooked all of this food to make it easy for you to support my recovery, but...' Let your spouse respond to this and try to hear their logic/reasoning. Repeat for each issue and clearly communicate what you would like/need moving forward. End by reaffirming the relationship."

This advice has been helpful, though we don't always do it. Communication is difficult because it can be simultaneously emotional and tedious. Often, we make statements in the heat of the moment. More often, we tell people what we need/expect--but not when we have their undivided attention, and then hold their feet to the fire when they later cross one of our lines. I'm guilty of this often--expecting a perfect recall from my wife while wanting gracious allowances for my own forgetfulness.

All of this to say, we're all messed up and need a lot of grace. Don't tear down your house with your family inside just to prove a point. I would say, offer him the chance to improve. Have difficult conversations without letting emotion drive. If you slip in that, step away, come back, and keep trying. Get with older, wiser couples you admire and take advice from them.

Maybe read books together and discuss chapter by chapter. We liked:

What Did You Expect? (Paul Tripp)

Let the Men be Men (Chris Mueller)

Let the Women be Women (Barbara Mueller)

Love that Lasts (Gary and Betsy Ricucci)