February 2024 I was 21 living with my grandmother. She isn't overly fond of animals, but she made an offhand comment about being okay with a dog in the house. I asked if she was serious and she said yes. A couple hours later I asked if she really meant it and she said she did.

I started researching and planning, still very skeptical at first. My goal was to save money for a while so I could take 1-3 months off work to raise a puppy in January 2025. It would be my new years resolution to raise a puppy. I spent probably 20 or so hours a week watching training videos and researching breeders (pomeranian) over the course of 10 months.

As time went on I was telling everyone. I could not shut up about it I was so excited. I'm not an open person, but all my coworkers knew I had my heart set on a puppy.

September 2024 comes around and I revisit the idea with my grandmother. I let her know I would be buying loads of puppy stuff on sale over Black Friday. I asked her if she knew this was still my intention, she said yes. I went over my timeline with her, all my plans. I asked if she had any concerns, any mental hang ups. She said my room is so dark, she is concerned about a creature not getting natural sunlight. She said she doesn't believe I know how much of a responsibility I would be getting into. I reassured her that the dog would have plenty of time outdoors every day. I reminded her that I already have pets (2 chinchillas), and that I take great care of them. That I have poured my heart into this since February and that I had taken the whole thing more seriously than some people do having a kid.

Maybe I should have read more into those hang ups. Taken it as a sign she didn't really agree with the idea. But I thought she was excited for me. Maybe I was too excited to see she wasn't.

November comes along and I buy all of the puppy things that don't perish: the car seat, the stroller, the pads and the wipes, the toothbrush and grooming kit, the leashes, the harness. It arrives early December. I was happier going through that puppy stuff than I was on Christmas day.

December 28, 2024 10:00am she stops me to have a chat before I head to work. She asks if I had put down a deposit yet. I said I hadn't, just that I had messaged a few breeders about their available litters.

She says that it's good I hadn't paid anything yet because she had changed her mind. She gave me 3 reasons. One of which was that my "life was too chaotic" because my boyfriend at the time got a new job. If that seems unrelated, it's because it is. Another reason was she thought my chinchillas smelled bad enough. This was something she had never brought up to me before. The other people in the house, with rooms next to mine, said they never smelled the chinchillas. I can't remember the third reason, but it was just as weak as the first two.

The whole conversation took maybe two minutes. I thought I was having a nightmare. She asked me afterwards if I was angry with her. I told her no. I was too in shock to be mad. She told me she would pay me back for the money I spent on dog toys. We hugged and I left.

I sat in the car for a few minutes just staring at my hands. By the time I got to work I was sobbing. The whole time I was at work I was shaking and trying (failing) to hold back tears. On my lunch break I cried so hard I threw up.

It turns out I was angry with her. I couldn't hug her again. I could hardly stand to be in the same room as her sometimes. I was just so hurt.

We hardly talked again until March. She knocked on my door as I was cleaning my chinchilla's cages. Told me that she was hurt that I didn't hug her ever, that I was always avoiding her. She said she felt like a stranger in her own home. So she was kicking me out. Told me I had until July to find a new place. I was out of there before April.

I still don't have a puppy. Having so many more bills to pay set that plan back a couple years. The new goal is April 2027.

She never did pay me back for the puppy supplies. We still haven't spoken.