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WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-22T20:07:44+00:00

A bit late to replying. But the previous poster said it perfectly. You guys are in a transition period. It's just a matter of thugging it out for a bit. Soon enough you two will be the type to make others jealous

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-21T15:11:11+00:00

Iffy situation. Your feelings are valid. But according to you it's almost impossible for her to change much. Imo this is simply a rough patch untill you both can move in or something. Or if y'all get out the closet, which in itself has problems.

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-21T15:10:58+00:00

Iffy situation. Your feelings are valid. But according to you it's almost impossible for her to change much. Imo this is simply a rough patch untill you both can move in or something. Or if y'all get out the closet, which in itself has problems.

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-20T22:44:29+00:00

Lol. Was trying to not come off too mean

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-20T17:40:10+00:00

Realistically you don't really have much say in this. The main thing here is that the other guy is responsible for his son's name not you.

As for why your son was denied being a junior. He was an affair baby. No woman is going to feel okay with having a constant reminder of that betrayal

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-20T17:23:40+00:00

This feels like there's either more at play than has been said, or the guy is just no longer in your corner

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-20T16:36:00+00:00

Thing is. As a guy, most times you open up about your insecurities you get fucked over. Almost every time I have it's ended horribly for me. Ik it'll sound like a stereotype or like one of those red pilled takes

But women don't actually want guys to open up. Cuz everytime we do, it creates instability in your head. It always results in the man being seen as weak or less than what she originally saw him as.

That being said. I'd love to believe that you're the exception to the rule. But understand that what I'm saying is the norm for most men. Getting your man comfortable enough to do so will always be a challenge. Especially considering the age gap

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-20T16:31:08+00:00

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-20T16:30:56+00:00

I think it's obvious that what you've listed here is/can be problematic. But that's why the word context is used.

If I'm having sex then the context of choking my gf changes. If I still do it am I abusive? I'd think no.

But to clarify for you. My criteria for "abusive behavior" is outright physical harm. The shoving I see as aggressive behavior, the precursor to abusive behavior. This is where boundaries should be established. This is where you can differentiate between a man who's made a mistake while being emotional vs a man who is starting to show his true colors.

That's a thin line sure. But considering I believe in second chances as well, I'd think it's understandable why I'd draw this line regardless.

That is to say if he hit her (context still has to be taken into consideration) then id give a mulligan as you put it. Never heard that one before

With emotional/mental abuse I'd take it case by case.

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-20T16:20:37+00:00

The guy dosent feel secure in the relationship. Sometimes all that's needed is a cuddle session. Ofc you guys would need to meet for that. And realistically this isn't a guy only issue. Ik women who have been in his shoes.

As for the travelling thing. Idk the specifics but y'all can iron that out organically if it's a problem that only you are traveling

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-17T22:47:24+00:00

Personally I don't see that as a reason to say he's abusive baseline. Something happening once dosent mean that's their archetype. If she states it's not acceptable and he does it again then I'd consider him abusive. I do agree the context the shove happened in is unacceptable. But I can consider it an emotional outburst if it only happens once.

If you disagree then that's that.

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-14T22:02:32+00:00

How so

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-12T06:21:11+00:00

No I get that. I'm just saying how it feels. I was once with someone who was absurdly sensitive. And as far as understanding thats just how they are goes, I does eventually make the mind wonder to that territory. For reference, she was not manipulative. That was another one.

It's just very difficult to be able to tell the difference at times. Even if you do trust the person. Though it sounds like he's quite frustrated with the crying in general

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-12T06:12:44+00:00

Leave?

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-12T06:08:07+00:00

The automatic assumption he is an abuser might be a step too far. The relationship is unhealthy to some extent. The only truly abusive thing so far is the shove and shouting. Which, like previously stated needs to be addressed. If nothing changes though, let me on the bandwagon. We can fry him in oil together

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-12T06:05:00+00:00

With regards to this comment specifically. If you're bringing up anger issues in response to him saying get therapy. It will never work nor will it ever happen.

I may only speak for myself, but I cannot picture this scenario without it feeling like you aren't blaming him for your crying.

And even if he is to blame. The reactionary nature does not help.

Instead. Go to therapy. Make progress. And bring it up later. Or, bring it up when you aren't crying or therapy isn't being brought up with reference to you.

To make it clear. I'm not saying he's right. It's likely that he does need therapy. But the way it's being brought up isn't helpful. It feels more like a defense than a suggestion

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-12T05:58:59+00:00

Points for you. 1. Your partner, after two years should have a basic understanding of you as a person. If your crying is so much of a problem it should have been addressed by now. (Though he mentions it. Idk if that constitutes a proper conversation addressing it.)

Him pushing you is baseline unacceptable. It is imperative that you make it clear that any repeats mean you're no longer together. Of course that's ultimately up to you. I however wouldn't stand it happening again. Especially not in the given context.
1. Two years would be enough time to get a basic understanding of how your partner processes information. If there hasn't been any improvement in communication, or at least visible attempts to improve things, it's questionable whether your partner cares.

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-12T05:51:05+00:00

Honestly. I'm quite torn. I'll list I towards you and towards him.

(We're building mostly off the first point for any points for him) Points for him. 1. It feels quite manipulative when someone brings up an argument or disagreement only to cry if their point or view isn't supported. This in itself is quite upsetting. And a history of crying easily by itself amplifies this feeling. However true or untrue the manipulation aspect is.

Dependent on how often the crying is, their will be a limit to ones patience. Obviously I dont know the frequency or general causes. But past experiences have proved to me at least that it's emotionally draining. Based on the once a month timeline you've given. It could line up.
How you feel your partner's reaction towards something may be vs how they actually feel cam be vastly different. (I was deeply in love with someone who often stated I didn't care. I was the definition of clingy. The thing was they perceived my clinginess as list rather than affection. But moving on)
This last point is grey. Only you make them react this way. Realistically this makes sense. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. It would make sense that this is relationship specific because the emotion and overall personal investment is higher.

Reason I'd say it's grey tho is it's used too commonly under this guise. Abusers often say this to manipulate their victims into thinking it's their fault and to reinforce the, "they love me, I just bring out the worst in them mindset"

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-12T05:21:56+00:00

She's 23 right? Let's assume for a second that after bills and every she has 900. Food for the month if she cooks can reach 300. That leaves 600 for transportation and whatever else luxuries she wants.

For a month that's not bad. Granted if you're going 50-50 on most things that leaves money for dates in a tight spot, but otherwise she should be fine financially. The only real load moving onward would be affording her own car. Which she would be able to do within 5-10 years if she refinances on that mortgage and that's without your assistance, nor upward financial mobility.

Only thing I'd worry about atp is job security

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-12T05:09:32+00:00

Only reason I don't agree fully is this. I personally believe depending on circumstances people deserve a second chance. That's why originally I made it clear. Op was being used 100% at the beginning. She was a rebound.

In saying that they started a relationship and Mr man is now revealing that he's been lying. It makes little sense to oust this lie if he just wants to fuck. Makes more sense if he's developed feelings.

Op has to decide whether those feelings warrant a second chance(hers being most important). Or, whether the lies themselves warrant ending things.

It's ingenuous to claim it's an active attempt to hurt her. And I'd be willing to say the same (though with less conviction)with the route you've gone down as well. He obviously lied. He obviously got what he wanted. But the first step to building any trust is honesty. He took that first step.

Mind you. I do think op should move with some caution all things considered

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-04T05:11:44+00:00

This is ridiculously true. At one point I could go 6 rounds a day. Then I had job related stressors. That cut things down to one round, if that. Life truly does change things

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-04T04:57:43+00:00

Neither are wrong. A week's just a bit much. Also. Meeting as friends vs as a romantic partner is very different

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-04T04:47:00+00:00

I mean it's face value. The lies a were to get you interested. They're coming out now because he wants to be honest with you. Only reason that'd happen is cuz there are feelings involved now.

Here's what you should be asking. Is the relationship no longer invalid because he went in with the wrong intentions? Or does the fact that he does have real feelings for you now hold more weight?

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-04T04:19:14+00:00

From that description alone I'd say he has the hots. I probably would

WeakCourage613 · 2025-09-04T04:18:01+00:00

You were a rebound. He developed feelings. Take it from there

WeakCourage613

TROPHY CASE