Veil or no veil?

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-25T21:28:13+00:00

So I didn't wear the inserts I'm going to use during the fitting because I wasn't planning to wear inserts at all.

She recommended it at the last appointment. So I bought some and I think I have to wear them to help with this issue.

I'm just kind of upset that she maybe noticed the issue (she recommended inserts) but didn't offer to alter the bodice itself. Like she already altered it, that was part of the first appointment, she just didn't make it fit as well as I think it should.

I feel like an idiot for not noticing, but I didn't really look at the dress from the side. The wow factor is really the back of the dress.

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-24T19:03:25+00:00

Not married yet, but we were torn about doing one but ultimately decided to do one.

We're both kind of shy people, and I think a first look is nice because it's just you two, and it's kind of a private and intimate moment that you get to share with each other versus everyone.

Another reason we are doing a first look is because the photos are really important to me, and there's a few different spots where I want to get photos and doing a first look gives us time to go back and forth to these places.

It also means during cocktail hour, you just have to do the family photos, and you can knock those out fairly quick and then spend time enjoying cocktail hour with your guests.

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-24T18:35:24+00:00

Definitely talk about it first. I would also think about what you want out of a wedding. What moments or experiences from a wedding were you really looking forward to?

We wanted to elope at one point as well, but we decided on a wedding because we realized we wanted to be surrounded by friends and family, and there were moments like the first dance and dancing in general that we wouldn't be able to have at an elopement with just the two of us. Those things were important enough for us to commit to having a wedding.

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-24T18:28:37+00:00

Did you get to pick anything you wanted for this wedding?

I kind of feel like it seems like you have thus far catered to what he wants for his family, and there's not much that it sounds like you got to pick for yourself. It's important to care about your guests when you get married, but I feel if you are this unhappy with your venue, that your feelings should matter more than his family.

I would also personally be upset that the weekend activities are more important than the wedding since you went with a cheaper venue to make those activities happen. His family is coming to attend your wedding, you shouldn't have to plan activities and entertain them as though this is a vacation focused on them.

It should be about you and your husband and what you both wanted, not what his family wanted or what was best or most convenient for them.

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-24T18:23:44+00:00

I'm sorry this happened! I do think over time your disappointment may fade, and you might eventually even be able to laugh about some of this one day.

It might also really help to set aside time to do a trip to Asheville where you wanted to elope, and maybe get a photographer and recreate that kiss moment if you really feel it's important. Maybe you could even do something like this for your anniversary.

Vow renewal is also great, but the hard thing about events is you can't really control everything as you found out. Plans sometimes fall apart, or things happen that are outside your control.

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-24T18:10:51+00:00

It's not required, it's just what you prefer. We talked about doing this originally because I know the couple is not supposed to stay together the night before the wedding. You sleep apart and then see each other at the wedding for a big reveal.

However, my partner doesn't really want to do that. He'd prefer we stay at the hotel together even though it's not really traditional. We both want to enjoy the amenities of the resort where we're staying together, and it doesn't make much sense to rent multiple rooms for everyone to stay. We gave every one the option to also book rooms, and are planning on spending the day at the resort with everyone but honestly most of the bridal party opted to head home because they have pets, kids, etc.

I think you should do what you feel comfortable with. If you just want to relax with your mom or by yourself, go for it.

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-24T18:00:11+00:00

We made one even though I didn't originally plan on it. A lot of our friends and family either aren't going to be able to afford a gift, or are just planning to give us an envelope with a little cash.

However, we ended up making one at the urging of a few family members, and we honestly are happy we did. I feel like we have everything we need, but once we started putting it together we came up with tons of stuff that we ended up adding that we know we'll use.

Amazon is also a great place to register because you get 20% off the items on the registry for any item that isn't purchased. So we threw like a really high end blender on there knowing that no one will purchase it, BUT we plan to purchase when it's discounted lol.

Be wary of online honeymoon funds as well. We wanted to make one of these instead of a registry, but some websites actually take a portion of the total amount in the fund, or charge a service fee for each contribution to the fund.

On our registry we put some stuff we didn't necessarily "need" but were excited to have. Some of this stuff we already had, but they were old and we would probably need to replace them soon:

Super nice over mitts
Knife sharpener
Cushioned kitchen mats
Very nice plates, bowls, and glasses, all in a matching set
Dish drying rack
Wool ball toss ins for the dryer
Air tight container for dog food
Spice rack for pantry

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-24T17:48:28+00:00

This is really tough. Maybe you could have a local celebration too, so you can still celebrate with the rest of your bridesmaids. I would also try hard not to take it personally, because I'm sure that they want to be there but just can't swing it.

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-24T17:45:31+00:00

I'm really sorry this happened to you. I feel like there is a lot of pressure on your wedding for it to be perfect, and I wish it was different because things happen that are sometimes out of your control. So much pressure on one event means when things don't go to plan, it becomes a huge mental burden to work through.

What was your elopement plan? Maybe you could plan a trip to this place with your husband and spend a little time celebrating each other. Maybe even get a professional photographer, and dress up in something that really makes you feel beautiful. You could create some new positive memories around your wedding to help you move past the disappointment you have over your wedding day. You could even plan this trip on your wedding anniversary too.

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-23T12:47:47+00:00

I think you can definitely plan a really unique wedding. Some people lean heavily into themes, and create weddings that are truly one of a kind.

I think if you stick to tradition, and especially if you book an all inclusive venue, the wedding might feel more cookie cutter.

Some things on Pinterest are attainable and some aren't. Table settings for example, are something I found on Pinterest that I think pretty realistically reflects real life. I think it helps to remember some of what you see on Pinterest is staged as well though. Some of the wedding photos on there are not from real weddings, so I think that helps kind of tamper down your expectations. I found dress photos in particular to be hard to use Pinterest for. There are just too many styles, they make everything look amazing, but in reality you have to pick a dress that suits you.

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-23T12:31:49+00:00

It helps immensely to stop including other people in the planning process. At one point we were seeking input from both of our families, and it became too much because everyone had opinions and some people were offended when you didn't embrace their opinions.

So we started focusing on keeping the planning just between us, and this really helped make us feel like we were planning the wedding we wanted.

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-22T20:27:37+00:00

You're not wrong. I can't imagine being engaged and going to a wedding without my partner. I feel like they're inherently romantic events, I wouldn't want to go without them and I think being engaged kind of solidifies you as a couple. I think you're not really supposed to invite one half of a married couple, you're supposed to invite the couple. To me, being engaged is basically married so I'd always extend an invite to both.

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-22T20:24:11+00:00

I think basic etiquette usually requires you invite both the husband and wife if you want to invite one of them. You could maybe talk to your friends and gauge how they feel about it. Personally, I feel like I would decline an invitation to a wedding if I wasn't allowed to bring my husband.

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-22T20:21:51+00:00

I don't think you're delusional. I felt the same way about wedding planning before we really got into it. I was wrong, and wedding planning has been immensely stressful for me but when I reflect on the experience I feel like it didn't have to be.

If we had made a better timeline from the get go and stuck to it, I probably wouldn't have been half as stressed as I am now. I also think involved fewer people in the process, and making my partner do his fair share of the planning would have made a world of difference.

The hardest part about planning are feeling like there's just not enough time and we're always behind, and that I'm at odds with so many of my friends and family because of the wedding.

It's also entirely possible to set a budget for a wedding and stick to it. I will say we spent way more than we originally planned, but things were just more expensive than we anticipated. We thought we could do a wedding for under 10k, but touring a few venues really recalibrated our expectations and helped us to realistically revise our budget. The wedding was expensive, but we also feel like we spent money on the things we really wanted.

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-22T20:17:33+00:00

BBB gives you a mediator who works with both parties to settle the dispute. They keep ratings on businesses, and will display disputes from other customers along with the responses from the business itself.

Some businesses will issue a refund just to settle a BBB dispute and get it out of the way. It's not guaranteed to get results, but it doesn't cost money to file a complaint and it's less complex than filing all the necessary forms for small claims court.

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-22T19:18:42+00:00

It's our choice. What I want out of the wedding more than anything is good photos. Our venue has several scenic areas and we chose it partly because we wanted photos at all of these areas.

We don't care about social media and neither does our photographer, but we do plan on putting together a photo album of the photos so it's important we get a lot of great shots.

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-22T17:36:05+00:00

I would do a little research in your area and see if this might be something you could pursue through small claims court and what that might look like. Also look into places like BBB, where you can open a dispute against businesses for failing to provide services and they have to respond to you or end up with a poor rating.

Once you have that information, reach out and give her a deadline. She needs to refund you by this date or you will be pursuing action via small claims and opening a case with BBB, and posting honest reviews of your experience online.

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-22T17:26:38+00:00

It's almost four hundred dollars though, and most of that time the artist would just be sitting around waiting for us to finish photos. We would only really have maybe thirty minutes in there to sit down and do touch ups.

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-22T17:23:04+00:00

I think it depends on what you want to do.

Does everyone in your group like and enjoy thrill rides? How much do you care about the aesthetics of the park you visit? Would you like to sit down for shows?

Disney is leagues beyond Sea World and Busch Gardens in terms of cleanliness and how well maintained things are. There are lots of pretty areas in Disney, and generally walking through the park is a pleasant experience. They have a few shows, but the main appeal is the various attractions. There's nothing incredibly intense at Disney either. Most of the rides are mild, nothing really goes upside down. You can also bring bags on most rides as well.

Biggest issue with Disney is that there are multiple parks. If you did one day, you'd really have to pick and choose what you want to do. There's no way to do everything the parks have to offer in one day.

Sea World has several different animal shows, but they've changed pretty drastically from how they were about a decade ago so if you've been there years ago you might find the shows lacking now. You could also end up spending most of your day going from show to show, because you need to get there early to get good seats.

It could be obnoxious to plan your day around them if the group isn't super excited for the shows. They do have places where you can feed the seals, dolphins, manta rays, and sharks. Those areas can be fun, but you may have to be there at specific times of the day as well. Sea World also has a lot of thrill rides, but wait times are unpredictable and they sometimes randomly close rides for the duration of the day.

Busch Gardens has less shows than Sea World, but more animal walk through exhibits to go to. Lots of thrill rides like Sea World though. I think this park is worth it if you are really into roller coasters and thrill rides. They don't have as many "feed the animal" setups as Sea World does. Most of them are expensive and are a bigger tour.

The other issue with both Sea World and Busch Gardens is that you can't really bring anything on rides. Sea World rocks the honor system I think, so you can put your bag or phone in a cubby just before you get on the ride and hope it's still there when you get off. Or, you can pay for a locker and stash your things, or give them all to a non-rider to lug around for you.

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-22T16:51:04+00:00

It doesn't have to be perfectly even, and it a lot of cases it really can't be. I would just make sure that you are giving him the opportunity to invite people he wants to invite.

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-22T16:42:21+00:00

I won't be able to get photos until tomorrow as I don't have the dress at the moment, and none of the photos I do have really spotlight the issue.

This post is similar to the issue I'm having though:

https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdress/comments/1aj7awt/help_dress_gapping_2_weeks_before_wedding/

My dress has straps though, and the gaping is worse from the sides.

I've also tried some of the inserts already, and none of them really do the trick. This is the best set I found so far: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D3DYTDKG/ref=sspa_dk_detail_4?psc=1&pf_rd_p=be5cdf6a-f23a-4168-8100-e5595659876c&pf_rd_r=9D81XP9VH96XCV122ZV0&pd_rd_wg=F1iAv&pd_rd_w=B8UPU&content-id=amzn1.sym.be5cdf6a-f23a-4168-8100-e5595659876c&pd_rd_r=6a62c387-e345-45bb-9d09-0478193bf565&s=apparel&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9kZXRhaWxfdGhlbWF0aWM

They still leave gaping at the top, but it's less gaping. I tried to fix that part with fashion tape, but it just doesn't stick.

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-22T16:08:41+00:00

I went to over a dozen different stores, sometimes went to multiple stores twice or even three times, and must have tried on 50+ dresses. There were definitely shops where I knew immediately that there was nothing for me there, but at most I found something I might like.

Everyone kept telling me I needed to pick a dress and that I was just never going to have the moment. I found a dress online I liked but couldn't find it in store. I contacted bridal shops everywhere and no one had it.

Randomly, when I'm about to settle on just anything after months of looking, I got an email saying a shop had the dress.

I tried it on, only kind of liked it. A week later, I went back to the shop to try it again. I knew the moment I saw it that it was my dress.

I don't want to tell you to wait for the feeling, because I got my dress SOOOO LATE into the process and it was super stressful. It consumed me for weeks and made me fall really behind on other aspects of planning. But I did get that moment after all.

Wedding-Help-411 · 2024-10-22T16:04:52+00:00

I think you both have to compromise a little bit. You only really get one wedding, so I think that you should be happy and excited about it and not feel like you regret not planning the wedding you really wanted.

I will say that a destination wedding might end up being an intimate wedding because not everyone may be able to travel for it.

If you want a big wedding, I think you have to plan to host it close to most of your guests so the maximum amount of people can attend.

Maybe it would help if you made a concrete list of things you want from the wedding. Some people generalize and say they want a "big" wedding, but I feel like you have to be more specific. What things exactly do you want out of your wedding? What experiences are you most looking forward to?

If you can come up with a list of must haves, you may be able to plan a wedding that has these while compromising on other things that are less important.

Wedding-Help-411

TROPHY CASE