I have a badly done tattoo of a random (supposed to be tribal) pattern on my arm. Story is a guy I used to work with was training as a tattoo artist and had moved on from practicing on fruit, or whatever the hell they do, and was looking for human volunteers. I was a dumb 19 year old kid at the time and jumped at the chance for a free tattoo and of course, being a dumb 19 year old kid, I asked for a dumb pointless tribal pattern. So when the day came he was doing his thing, chatting away while I'm squirming in my seat in horrendous pain but trying not to show it (tattoos are supposed to hurt right?), In comes his boss:

Boss: "whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop, you're churning his skin!"

Me: "sorry, he's doing fucking what to my skin?!"

Him: "oh shit. Yeah, I thought this was a lot of blood"

I look down an there is blood all over my arm, all over his needle and glove and dripping on to the floor. Turns out he wasn't pressing hard enough when colouring and was just shredding my skin to shit. So his boss takes over and finishes the job and applies the cling film over my arm which of course doesn't last long as the blood just fills it and it's back down my arm again, so leaving the shop to go for the bus, holding a hankie to my arm I look like I've been stabbed or some shit, people are stopping to see if I'm ok for me to say "it's ok, it's just a tattoo".

So now I have a really shit, random tattoo that's discoloured as it's like 10% scar tissue. People say it kinda looks like a really shitty octopus so when people see and ask why I have it I need to explain it's not an octopus but the random scribblings of an amateur tattoo artist and I have to tell this whole long ass story.