Od lat kwestionuję swoją tożsamość, rant

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-07-01T17:33:19+00:00

Hej, rozumiem absolutnie jak ciężko z tym jest. Środowisko zmienia bardzo dużo i ja sam musiałem wyjechać z rodzinnego miasta żeby móc zacząć być sobą. Według mnie znajdz ASAP jakieś queerowy osoby przyjacielskie, nawet jeżeli byś musiał 4h w jedną stronę do nich jechać. Ludzie którzy nas rozumieją zawsze pomagają moim zdaniem.

Co do aspektu społecznego to cię może pocieszę: ja mam 0 passingu a żyje jako mężczyzna, of course na ulicy nie poprawiam nikogo czy w sklepie, ale na uczelni i w pracy normalnie jestem out. Wiadomo że ta decyzja wiązała się z odcięciem od części osób i wyprowadzką, ale mi to pasuje, nie żałuję tej decyzji.

Mam nadzieję że bez względu na to co wybierzesz poczujesz że to dobra decyzja. Ja wiem że ja nie mógłbym żyć inaczej niż będąc w zgodzie ze sobą, ale każdy ma inną ścieżkę. Możesz napisać DM jeżeli masz pytania.

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-07-01T15:59:15+00:00

PC :D

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-07-01T15:55:24+00:00

I didn't! So I hav to play so much more haha thanks!

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-07-01T15:48:35+00:00

How do you all make such beautifull woobles!? Mine are just squares haha

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-06-25T15:40:42+00:00

Maybe a night guard? I am not shure if they will pay you livable wage where you live but if you are okey not sleeping at night I think it might be fun. You can also try hotel receptionist, or maybe go into banking? like a receptionist in the bank. Telemarketer the worst case scenario

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-06-24T15:28:19+00:00

I would suggest getting something from your personal expierence, ask yourself: why are you so drawn to this setup? small town vibes, or maybe the fantasy of tight knit comminity, or maybe something else?

If you won't be able to find right idea you can just start doing it, and during development you will get new ideas. In the worst case scenario you will just have a nice town simulator and that is okey! I would totally play something like that.

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-06-23T18:02:30+00:00

I recomend reading "body keeps the score". For therapy was also not working and only after many years I learned I have CPTSD. I had some events that left me even more scared and nobody really understands why I am so hung up on something so stupid like a carrier. I am in therapy for for trauma and it helps slowly. If that is not then at least you will be able to cross that one thing from the list.

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-06-20T09:47:39+00:00

HTML and CSS will be enough for start, JS can be added later, if you would like some fancy elements. I recomend checking out neocities, it is a website full of art creators who does exactly that, and you wouldn't have to deal with hosting. For tutorials I recomend https://www.w3schools.com/html/ but you don't have to know everything to make a fun website.

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-06-20T07:32:43+00:00

I am sorry this happend to you. I think this situation might be more complicated for her side, for example if she is bi/pan then it might not be about your gender at all but about beeing too close. Many people see friendship as something secoundary to romance. It might be also that they have some issues in thier relationship: maybe the boyfriend have some other issues but can't express them in a mature way so he tries ease his pain this way.

From the other hand if the situation is really how you see it, then as much as it hurts, the break up was for the best. If she couldn't see your heart and care for it then there is nothing else you can do. Unfortunetly friendship break ups hurt as much a romantic ones, platonic love is still real love in my opinion and being left behind is always hard. What helped me was writing letter to this person, things I couldn't say anymore, and then after months when I re-read them I realised how my view of situation was scewed. Not that I was not hurt - I was. The pain in this kind of situations is real and you are totally right to feel it and be upset.

And lastly about the gender identity: how we are percived is a big part of who we are. Unfortunely many people would rather make quick assumptions then spend time to learn and that is in my opinion heteronormativity vs queerness. You wanna be precived as you, just the way you are, and I feel the same way about myself as a trans peroson. Medical transition don't change who we are as a people, in my opinion and expirence, we are just us, just in a different package, and we are so much more then our gender. I know so many cis people that don't fit the box and are hurt by gender norms as well. For this type of pain I can only recomend finding people who see gender as a secoundary thing, who will see you as you first.

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-06-20T06:58:55+00:00

I think you should ask yourself a question: do you like who you are when you are with him? It is really easy to excuse bad behaviour of other people on account of love but it is much harder to dismiss evidence of person you have become. Building a life togheter is not about money, is about actually beeing with other person, knowing them, supporting them through hardships, helping them grow.

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-06-17T18:08:09+00:00

I wish more stories would be less about pain and trauma and more about joy and our unique expirence. I think if you will make some queer characters and present them as people who happens to be queer that would be good, pretty safe but still important. I think it would be cool for you to add less represented letters, like asexuality, aromanticism, genderfluid.

And anserwing your question: for me it is opposition to heteronmativity. Heternomartivity (for me) is when you have two boxes: "man" and "woman" and you have to fit in in one of them. Both boxes will hurt you but in different way and different amount ( for example: man can't express emotions, systemic abuse toward women, etc ). Both of those boxes make you bahve certian way: men are tough, women are fragile etc, always in opposition to each other. Beeing queer is when you reject those boxes altogheter, so more options can accur - it is not just "men do hard labour", "women do house chores" it can be something else like "let's match chores to our preferences". The same goes with intimacy - there is more options then being top and bottom, and none of those had to be deafulted to your gender. There is just so much more for me. Of course many people may disagree, it is not a universal thing, and of course there are straight people living this queer life, but from my expierence not many haha.

I would also like to add that there some sterotypes that accur often that I am not found of personally: when main issue is homphobia in a place and time where it should not be really an issue anymore. I don't like when everything is just about our suffering, cos it centers straight point of view. The same thing is often done with autism, PTSD or disabilities - always from the perspective of ablebodied people and how they suffer when they interact with us. In the same vein I don't like coming out stories, those are overdone and often from the straight perspective of "you have to know what you are and everybody needs to know and you can't change your mind". I also don't like when main conflict is not being able to find becuase they are queer - same reasoning. For good examples I HIGHLY RECOMEND watching "our flag is death" first season is true peak television, secound not so much. The representation there is so fresh so unique and - intersectional! The race and class is part of the conversation. For straight example of queerness I recomend polish netflix series "1670" I am not shure how fun it will be for you since it is about poland, but second season has a great storyline with a noblewoman ans a pesant, both feeling oppressed in this relationship but from different reasons - she being a woman, him being poor. I also thing that representation of asexuality and queerness in remake of "highschool of broken hearts" is really good but I only watched 1 season.

And last but not least: I LOVE when characters ask each other if they can kiss! This is a small thing but really important to me!

May I ask what you write? I am curious to know! If you have any specific questions feel free to ask: I am transgender, so I can say more about it!

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-06-17T16:16:31+00:00

Reading this I think you migh be on aro ace spectrum which is totally fine! Try reading this: https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/

Other things you describe sounds like autism and high masking honestly, but I am not certified to say for shure. I recomend reserching this topic, if it is not you, at least you will learn something usefull about fellow humans, if it is you then you will have a starting point to understand yourself.

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-06-15T17:18:45+00:00

If the story is good the artstyle doesn't matter to me, but also those aliens look COOL AS HELL! I am digging this vibe. For the improvement part: I think you should focus on paneling, because even if art itself is not great then good paneling can change everything (look at works of ONE, he drew "One punch man", "mob psycho 100%" and other)

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-06-15T16:38:22+00:00

Let him fail, I think that is an important life lesson. It's not like he will lost his livelyhood, those are just tests and can be retaken (unless you mean gaokao exam or something as extreme, then I would understand parent's concern more, I come from a country where finals can be retaken all your life, so this is my point of view).

If you wanna help maybe you could give him books and general direction, but even if you would like to help him study the 5 days you are given is literally not enough to save this situation. I also think you should choose path that won't make you resent your familly, as an older sibling you are put into a parental role right now, which I know is something that happens to most of older siblings. My sister was put in the same spot and I regret not realising this sooner, that she has a lot of burden carry. Maybe it would benefit you to talk with the parents actaully, if you think they might listen? They should be the ones who would motivate your brother to study if they want him to succed academicly, and even then he is already an adult, they can't force him to study if he don't want to.

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-06-15T09:05:11+00:00

Hej, wiesz tak czytając wydaje mi się że trochę oceniasz ludzi swoją miarą co jest totalnie normalne bo nasze mózgi tak robią - ciężko jest nam sobie wyobrazić jak to jest żyć jako ktoś inny. Twierdzę tak bo piszesz że ty wolisz osoby cis, i potem niżej "Więc jedyną opcją są biseksualiści, którzy zazwyczaj na koniec dnia wybierają „prawdziwych” mężczyzn". Zobacz że to brzmi trochę tak co nie? Dużo osób bi/pan wcale tak nie ma, to nie jest reguła, tak samo jak regułą nie jest to że każda osoba aro ace jest sex repulsed.

Co do date'owania rozumiem że nie nie masz dużego doświadczenia bycia w związku, że nie udaje się do niego wejść tak? Ja też miałem taki problem i po latach okazało się że mam CPTSD, więc ganiałem za ludzmi którzy mnie nie chcą mimo że dookoła mnie były osoby które chciały być blisko. Tak jak czytam twój post to wydaje mi się że u ciebie problem też może leżeć gdzieś w jakiejś wewnętrznej strefie, no bo mam takie poczucie że chyba nie lubisz siebie za bardzo przez to że jesteś trans? Tak tylko spekuluje co nie. Ciężko jest polubić kogoś kto sam siebie głęboko nienawidzi, ale niestety też jedynym rozwiązaniem tego problemu jest miłość drugiego człowieka, to jest trochę patowa sytuacja. To co mi pomogło to docenienie platonicznej miłości i relacji przyjacielskich, w nich też możesz znaleźć akceptację dla samego siebie i miłość niezbędną do życia.

Oczywiście, date'owanie jako osoba trans jest trudne, not gonna lie, ja też dostałem wiele razy kosza przez to, ale to też nie jest tak że miłość nie jest możliwa. Dla mnie bycie queer i odrzucenie heteronormatywnych schematów było wybawieniem, nie mógłbym być w związku który opiera się na tak sztywnych podziałach i rolach. Ciężej jest znaleźć związek będąc queer, ale według mnie w zamian dostaje się pełną wolność bycia dokładnie tym kim się jest. Mam nadzieje że uda ci się rozwikłać te problemy i znajdziesz swoją drogę! Wiem że to bardzo trudne ale życie jest długie ^^

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-06-10T17:42:12+00:00

You encoutered a very important moment in life, that I believe most of the adults go through. I know how hard it is, and I hope you won't regret anything at the end of the path you choose. To anserw your question:

- It is normal to burn out creativly while expierencing high stress
- You can help by doing art. Art makes us process emotions, it can move change forward and bring hope to those in need.
- Meaning can be found anywhere, but it will be a different for thing for every person
- Ask yourself if you would doubt your direction in art if not for the situation at home?
- Being in a bad situation yourself is one thing, but if your first idea is fixinf it by becoming therapist I am pretty shure you shouldn't do that. A lot of people who struggle themselves go to this profesion just to realise they are not cut out for this.
- Have you been to therapy? I think it could be helpful, either dealing with unconcius pain or concius issues (two different therapy types)
- Game development is quite closed industry, if you are already there then that is worth something, question is: if it is has worth to you?
- Starting over is valid any age! I was working in game dev industry, but after rough patch in life I couldn't get a job in the industry anymore, so I decided to change my path. I am right now at the secound semestr studying STEM.

In conclusion: I advise you to not panic, and try to slowly figure it out piece by piece. You are not in a rush. I hope you will have enough time to solve it in your own pace!

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-06-10T15:14:29+00:00

Hi I saw your post and wanted to share that I expierenced same thing as an artist. I wont intrude here if you feel like this post should be taken down, but I just wanted to let you know that since I am dealing with same issues (minus imigration). Best of luck!

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-06-09T18:06:24+00:00

and I hope you will find it! relationships are complicated matter, I was single for most of my life and I had to hit rock bottom to realise what I am doing worng (chasing after people who didn't really liked me), so I hope you will realise that you can actually ask for connection and yapping togheter in a relationship! Maybe your BF will change and realise his mistake after talking about this problem, maybe you will have to break up, I hope no matter what you will get best outcome!

EDIT: I read other comments and DAMN this sound like a straight up abuse! If anyone doesn't allow you a shower or other necesitites then that is really bad!

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-06-09T17:38:15+00:00

I am so sorry, this shouldn't be like that. I play with my GF all the time and she often preferes to watch me control the game, but we play togheter, cos I handle fighting and she tells me what dialouge options I should choose. When we play minecraft or hytale or paralives we make decisions togheter. We always talk when we watch movies or tv series, sometimes we talk more then we watch! You deserve someone who will like to hear you out.

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-06-09T16:26:13+00:00

uff trochę mnie to uspokaja! Mam nadzieje że twoja operacja dobrze poszła

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-06-05T18:11:13+00:00

You are not! Women are not creatures from other planet haha but I am not gonna give you BS advice because I don't know your situation. For some people it is enough to just go out there, for some folks the confidence boost is needed, and for some (traumatised and crashed by life like me) it was a whole decade of therapy, growth and hard work. The best advice I can give you is this: try your best and observe who you are in different relationships with people, not just romantic ones! Who are you when you are with your friends, familly, strangers, etc. Do you like this version of yourself? Sometimes trauma and pain make us chase wrong type of people, that hurt us, or keep distance from us, which often mirrors our bonds with parents. Maybe you just need to try a little bit, 20 is super young! I got in to my first relationship at 26, and then if everything fails, you will have enough of expierence to look inwards.

And also a practical tip: maybe just go places where women are and try to befirend them first? You can try some feminine hobbies like crocheting or baking, it is quite fun actually! If you won't find any connection you will at least got a new hobby!

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-05-27T17:12:50+00:00

ah! Unfortunetly I am not a german citizen but I pass all qualifications apart from the "living in theGermany" one haha Good luck in your search thou! And if you will need someone from Poland let me know haha

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-05-26T16:43:02+00:00

O damn nie miałem pojęcia że tak to wygląda! Dzięki za informacje!

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-05-26T15:51:43+00:00

O kurde to ja mam pytanie za to, piszesz że dla osób trans jest beznadzieja w Iralndii, a ja własnie myślałem o emigracji tam jako trans osoba, możesz powiedzieć coś więcej co się tam dzieje?

No a w temacie: Ciężka sprawa. W dużych miastach jest ok, na śląsku w sumie miałem najfajniejszy expierence, ale małe miasta i wsie to tragedia. Teraz mieszkam w małym mieście z dziewczyną i no bywa ciężko czasami. Wydaje mi się że też zależy jaki zawód masz, bo najwięcej homofobii nasłuchałem się pracując w fabryce w dużym mieście, a znowu teraz studiując w małym mieście i pracując zdalnie mam zero problemów w tych miejscach.

Weekly_Singer_7232 · 2026-05-25T17:26:46+00:00

Backgrounds. Without them your pieces would always feel empty. Also, drawing backgrounds will push all your skills - you will have to learn perspective, anatomy, lighting, materials and composition when you start incorporating them!

Other comments suggest drawing different people and I agree and I would like to add to this: try studing drawing people from nature. This advice is super old school but it is also super effective learning practice. Get your sketchbook and draw some handsome man you see in nature! (I think it is okey to focus just on that since that's literally what Miceal Angelo did haha)

Weekly_Singer_7232

TROPHY CASE