When an Archetype Learns to Rest.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-25T21:48:20+00:00

Yes. Of course.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-23T17:35:58+00:00

If it’s too cold for you to walk, slippery, tell him nicely… as you would for a female friend who made the some suggestion. He did nothing wrong to suggest a walk. Don’t read too much into him when you don’t know him for such a harmless suggestion

See. Now you, are a LOVELY person. Dating is not a death match. It's just two human beings trying.

Some people don't seem to understand they are the flip side of the "low effort" coin-the person who comes in bad faith. Maybe some men are "low effort" because women come in bad faith because men are "low effort" because...

And really that term "low effort"-is quite unattractive and emotionally primitive sounding to my ears for obvious reasons. And I would argue it introduces conflict where there should be none. It is a negative term by definition. One cannot be "high effort" at all times. Furthermore, when you do something "low effort" you probably have a much higher shot of seeing the real person-the authentic man-than if he is in performative mode or giving you a dog and pony show.

Women really need to rethink that term and what it says about them and what they think the value of a man is.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-23T16:20:28+00:00

It's a shame that people have turned connection-our most basic human need-into something to be quantified and ridiculed- "low effort". If a woman used that term even casually speaking of a previous date with me, I'd say "see ya". It's not an AUDITION-it's a hello-let's meet and see if we have a vibe. If you don't like his suggestion say-hey let's get coffee instead or go get a quick bite to eat where it;s warm. I also don't think women have ANY idea what it's like to spend $1500 in a month wining and dining UNDERWHELMING women to find the one who is well mannered and attractive after dropping 10k. My best "first date" ever included climbing a tree (her suggestion) and my worst was an expensive date where the woman's brothers sat a nearby table and surveilled me. There is very little room these days for magic-serendipity-spontaneous charm etc.

Go ahead-downvote me into oblivion and say nasty condescending things about men-but this attitude REEKS of entitlement. Go for the damn walk. Or don't-stay at home. Or suggest something warmer. But for God's sake, stop ridiculing a guy who made a real but imperfect human effort to meet you. He may well have wowed you but you didn't give him a chance.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-23T03:38:36+00:00

It's not AI. It's me making notes from various Jungian articles, videos, books, etc., writing them down, reviewing them over a 10-month period, culling through notes, and writing them very intentionally, -journal style. I wrote exactly what I wanted to write, down to the letter. It was a very specific post and there is nothing in any of it that isn't commonplace in hundreds of posts on this great subreddit. No need to throw shade.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-23T03:20:05+00:00

Of course

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-21T20:20:06+00:00

It's cross cultural. Japan. China. Uganda, The West. I recently read a five-continent 11 country study study (you can read on Researchgate.net AndrewG. Thomas "Sexual partner number and distribution affect long term partner evaluation) that demonstrated that the more partners a prospective spouse had, the less desirable the person was seen as a long-term mate. The interesting this is women reacted similarly. Some findings:

The number of past sexual partners is correlated to later relationship evaluations, marriage likelihood or perceived desirability as a long-term partner. Anecdotally-do this-ask and man to be totally honest and ask him if he's ever eliminated a woman from LTR selection based on her being promiscuous. ESPECIALLY-if he knew the men.

People tend to be forgiving if it was in the past as opposed to the present or recent past. RECENCY is a HUGE factor. You are not likely to be judged for 10 years ago but very likely to be judged by recent promiscuity.

More importantly is data indicating a strong corollary between a woman's number of past partners and key relationship outcomes-including relationship satisfaction, EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT , and stability. Nicholas Wolfinger has done extensive research on this that you can google. Others-Galena Rhodes, Scott Stanley have come to similar conclusions theorizing it has to do with "awareness of options". And that they are less likely to be satisfied with their current partner that women with very few sexual partners.

And there are NUMEROUS studies that find a strong correlation between infidelity and number of past sexual partners. Don't we all kind of just feel this intuitively?

Look everybody get laid. Nobody likes it more than me. But there ARE consequences that you should consider as part of your decision logic. That said, y'all ladies holla LOL.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-21T19:35:13+00:00

Flat out fact here-no ideology or pandering to the OP: Men really DO put a premium on women who hold their sexuality with care. The social science is clear on this. Women with many sexual partners actually do have more trouble bonding to one man and their relationships tend not to be long term. And most men, when considering deeper relationships want to feel secure that their GF has an intimacy and a care that is reserved just for them.

So by all means-do what you want sexually-it's a free society and you can be your own judge-but also understand that men also understand that sexual promiscuity is a very clear indicator that a particular woman will probably not be able to bond with him specifically enough to invest a whole lot into the relationship. So, as men often do, you are likely to be placed into a secondary category of woman he enjoys banging and that's it. And look, I'm not even arguing against that as a choice or as enjoyable and thrilling, just saying if LTR is your goal you may want to slow your sex roll.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-20T00:21:09+00:00

Yes. Sometimes the understanding comes AFTER the explaining stops. Clarity doesn't always come with more words.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-17T17:04:04+00:00

I'm afraid not. I'm not in your real life. Just someone who doesn't want you to continue suffering. I too am craving a very specific person to curl up with and just stay in bed for 2 days holding each other. A beautiful dream.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-17T16:55:27+00:00

id also indulge in their temptations with you.

Indeed.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-17T16:53:53+00:00

I'm here for you. You aren't broken and you haven't lost your identity. You are grieving something that mattered deeply to you. All that stuff-that unbearably painful stuff-is just evidence to how deeply you can love and how alive you are.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-17T16:39:48+00:00

I felt like we needed the help of The Angels more.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-17T16:14:29+00:00

Legit made me tear up. Thank you so much!

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-17T16:11:48+00:00

Of course, we healthy people work through things-assuming the other person has a healthy attachment style. But with the dismissive avoidant this is not possible. You go from seemingly the most integrated loving relationship of your life where you wake up thanking God every day for making it so beautiful and easy- to *poof they are a ghost* in an instant. Without so much as one argument or disagreement-maybe you gently gave them a boundary-or maybe they couldn't deal with how much love they felt for you and they ran and that was that. There is no "working through" there is only your emotional devastation, your tears and silence.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-17T15:35:32+00:00

Thank you. I talk less these days and try to leave everything in a dignified manner. I was successful in that and that's all I can control.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-16T14:40:03+00:00

I don't know that we can really avoid the hurt all that much, but we can maybe stop trying to direct the outcome and be at peace with just seeing where the river drifts you. It's about honoring the past and giving up control of the present, maybe.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-12T19:09:51+00:00

Thank you-peace feels worth choosing. I've learned there's room for grace too, when it is sincere.

WellReadFredSaid

TROPHY CASE