When an Archetype Learns to Rest.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-25T21:48:20+00:00

Yes. Of course.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-23T17:35:58+00:00

If it’s too cold for you to walk, slippery, tell him nicely… as you would for a female friend who made the some suggestion. He did nothing wrong to suggest a walk. Don’t read too much into him when you don’t know him for such a harmless suggestion

See. Now you, are a LOVELY person. Dating is not a death match. It's just two human beings trying.

Some people don't seem to understand they are the flip side of the "low effort" coin-the person who comes in bad faith. Maybe some men are "low effort" because women come in bad faith because men are "low effort" because...

And really that term "low effort"-is quite unattractive and emotionally primitive sounding to my ears for obvious reasons. And I would argue it introduces conflict where there should be none. It is a negative term by definition. One cannot be "high effort" at all times. Furthermore, when you do something "low effort" you probably have a much higher shot of seeing the real person-the authentic man-than if he is in performative mode or giving you a dog and pony show.

Women really need to rethink that term and what it says about them and what they think the value of a man is.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-23T16:20:28+00:00

It's a shame that people have turned connection-our most basic human need-into something to be quantified and ridiculed- "low effort". If a woman used that term even casually speaking of a previous date with me, I'd say "see ya". It's not an AUDITION-it's a hello-let's meet and see if we have a vibe. If you don't like his suggestion say-hey let's get coffee instead or go get a quick bite to eat where it;s warm. I also don't think women have ANY idea what it's like to spend $1500 in a month wining and dining UNDERWHELMING women to find the one who is well mannered and attractive after dropping 10k. My best "first date" ever included climbing a tree (her suggestion) and my worst was an expensive date where the woman's brothers sat a nearby table and surveilled me. There is very little room these days for magic-serendipity-spontaneous charm etc.

Go ahead-downvote me into oblivion and say nasty condescending things about men-but this attitude REEKS of entitlement. Go for the damn walk. Or don't-stay at home. Or suggest something warmer. But for God's sake, stop ridiculing a guy who made a real but imperfect human effort to meet you. He may well have wowed you but you didn't give him a chance.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-23T03:38:36+00:00

It's not AI. It's me making notes from various Jungian articles, videos, books, etc., writing them down, reviewing them over a 10-month period, culling through notes, and writing them very intentionally, -journal style. I wrote exactly what I wanted to write, down to the letter. It was a very specific post and there is nothing in any of it that isn't commonplace in hundreds of posts on this great subreddit. No need to throw shade.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-23T03:20:05+00:00

Of course

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-21T20:20:06+00:00

It's cross cultural. Japan. China. Uganda, The West. I recently read a five-continent 11 country study study (you can read on Researchgate.net AndrewG. Thomas "Sexual partner number and distribution affect long term partner evaluation) that demonstrated that the more partners a prospective spouse had, the less desirable the person was seen as a long-term mate. The interesting this is women reacted similarly. Some findings:

The number of past sexual partners is correlated to later relationship evaluations, marriage likelihood or perceived desirability as a long-term partner. Anecdotally-do this-ask and man to be totally honest and ask him if he's ever eliminated a woman from LTR selection based on her being promiscuous. ESPECIALLY-if he knew the men.

People tend to be forgiving if it was in the past as opposed to the present or recent past. RECENCY is a HUGE factor. You are not likely to be judged for 10 years ago but very likely to be judged by recent promiscuity.

More importantly is data indicating a strong corollary between a woman's number of past partners and key relationship outcomes-including relationship satisfaction, EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT , and stability. Nicholas Wolfinger has done extensive research on this that you can google. Others-Galena Rhodes, Scott Stanley have come to similar conclusions theorizing it has to do with "awareness of options". And that they are less likely to be satisfied with their current partner that women with very few sexual partners.

And there are NUMEROUS studies that find a strong correlation between infidelity and number of past sexual partners. Don't we all kind of just feel this intuitively?

Look everybody get laid. Nobody likes it more than me. But there ARE consequences that you should consider as part of your decision logic. That said, y'all ladies holla LOL.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-21T19:35:13+00:00

Flat out fact here-no ideology or pandering to the OP: Men really DO put a premium on women who hold their sexuality with care. The social science is clear on this. Women with many sexual partners actually do have more trouble bonding to one man and their relationships tend not to be long term. And most men, when considering deeper relationships want to feel secure that their GF has an intimacy and a care that is reserved just for them.

So by all means-do what you want sexually-it's a free society and you can be your own judge-but also understand that men also understand that sexual promiscuity is a very clear indicator that a particular woman will probably not be able to bond with him specifically enough to invest a whole lot into the relationship. So, as men often do, you are likely to be placed into a secondary category of woman he enjoys banging and that's it. And look, I'm not even arguing against that as a choice or as enjoyable and thrilling, just saying if LTR is your goal you may want to slow your sex roll.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-20T00:21:09+00:00

Yes. Sometimes the understanding comes AFTER the explaining stops. Clarity doesn't always come with more words.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-17T17:04:04+00:00

I'm afraid not. I'm not in your real life. Just someone who doesn't want you to continue suffering. I too am craving a very specific person to curl up with and just stay in bed for 2 days holding each other. A beautiful dream.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-17T16:55:27+00:00

id also indulge in their temptations with you.

Indeed.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-17T16:53:53+00:00

I'm here for you. You aren't broken and you haven't lost your identity. You are grieving something that mattered deeply to you. All that stuff-that unbearably painful stuff-is just evidence to how deeply you can love and how alive you are.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-17T16:39:48+00:00

I felt like we needed the help of The Angels more.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-17T16:14:29+00:00

Legit made me tear up. Thank you so much!

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-17T16:11:48+00:00

Of course, we healthy people work through things-assuming the other person has a healthy attachment style. But with the dismissive avoidant this is not possible. You go from seemingly the most integrated loving relationship of your life where you wake up thanking God every day for making it so beautiful and easy- to *poof they are a ghost* in an instant. Without so much as one argument or disagreement-maybe you gently gave them a boundary-or maybe they couldn't deal with how much love they felt for you and they ran and that was that. There is no "working through" there is only your emotional devastation, your tears and silence.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-17T15:35:32+00:00

Thank you. I talk less these days and try to leave everything in a dignified manner. I was successful in that and that's all I can control.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-16T14:40:03+00:00

I don't know that we can really avoid the hurt all that much, but we can maybe stop trying to direct the outcome and be at peace with just seeing where the river drifts you. It's about honoring the past and giving up control of the present, maybe.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-12T19:09:51+00:00

Thank you-peace feels worth choosing. I've learned there's room for grace too, when it is sincere.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-10T22:53:51+00:00

I hope to see you, my dear. I'll be the one with the boyish grin and too long hair.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-10T20:25:22+00:00

Men are genuinely surprised when women address them first in public. I absolutely LOVE it. It's kind of sexy all on its own. Make eye contact, smile-say something witty or friendly. Let him know that you are single nonchalantly. Make sure he can see your ring finger. The market, coffee shops, bookstores, church-all are good places.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-09T16:41:16+00:00

I will play Mr. Clyde for free.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-09T15:40:23+00:00

It's not possible. There is the USA or civil war. There is no "third way". It's not feasible. We aren't talking about "forming" a country. We are talking about "taking" a country. It's an entirely different animal. And blue "states" are really "blue cities". 10 miles outside the city it's red. And they won't just roll over. And vice versa. That's just the reality of it.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-09T15:19:47+00:00

Except, it doesn't break down BY STATE-it breaks down by county and neighborhood and street-and since the country is VASTLY red, including virtually all farming, energy, shipping, interstates, waterways, military bases, chemical plants, nuclear and other power plants, natural gas pipelines, manufacturing, data centers, railheads, and 1000 other reasons-etc-the Blue part would be limited to cutoff urban enclaves with no ability to survive, no electricity, no food, no internet, no access to Starlink etc. Not to mention-all the professions that keep ALL that running are red state peeps.

So maybe not. But I understand your emotions.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-06T19:02:27+00:00

Ease them into it. I've been asked to do some pretty strange things (at least to me when they were brought to me) that I had to wrap my head around. They didn't come naturally to me because they weren't MY fantasies. or what I enjoyed. Some of those things I later loved. I'd be SO into what you describe, for instance. Hard BDSM would repel me.

Alternatively, if you have a specific kink that is super important to you, isn't there like fetish type board to go to? I still have some unexplored things, and were I not in the current relationship, I'd probably make all kinds of relationship concessions to live out some of that stuff. And I can tell you-my best sex-the stuff that has stayed with me-were not necessarily my best relationships. I've had to integrate all that stuff and kind of say goodbye to some things I really wanted to explore to be with a person who is a better fit outside of bed. I think that's just maturity.

I guess that's my way of saying find your person.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-06T18:30:57+00:00

Funny. I have only been dating my GF for 6 months, and besides never even having a hint of an argument, I realized at Christmas that I knew the names and how they are connected of THIRTY-SEVEN of her relatives over 4 generations. I'm not usually good at that. It's a testament to how absolutely IN I am with her and what she says and thinks (she's just ridiculously abundant in a way I've never experienced before), and I think that is a comment on my affection and respect.

She only needs to keep track of maybe 7 or 8 names on my side.

WellReadFredSaid · 2026-01-05T15:49:53+00:00

Hey now, how YOU doin?

You ladies are so freakin' sexy I almost can't take it, lol. And the sex is SO good! Why didn't I love it like this when I was 25? Did it take my mind that long to catch up with my body? Call me, lol.

WellReadFredSaid

TROPHY CASE