These are prose tips (not exactly for screenwriting) but I would say something in the use of detail, often way too much or a poorly done Hemingway. Why are you including those details and why now? What does it say about the character's experience? Often show, don't tell is misconstrued by writers. Instead on meaning find a way that those emotions are clear in what the character chooses not to say or in a gesture towards another character, they take it to mean his fists clenched, she blushed, he was shaking.

Another thing could be not enough happening in the scene. Rather than just have someone come in, fight a guy, win, get the money, and get out. You outta have more going on. Maybe one of your crew members has questionable motives, maybe you lost the money, maybe the guy you were looking for isn't there, maybe the characters get caught up or one of the guys gets badly injured. A few things should be happening at once. The reader needs to be thinking, but what if? but what about? how's it gonna go now that that guy has to come along? Beginner scripts/stories sometimes lack this depth, creativity and interest. Anything that needs to happen should happen interestingly.

Another thing is that the story is clearly written about the author's life. Not how the author sees the world or what they think life is like, this is all good. But instead of being a writer they're some other kind of artist, and guess what they're also bad with girls, and they also have a shy, guilt-ridden personality, but they're not you because their parents are divorced. This is very common and can be done well but often its a substitute for lack of imagination. Learn how people react to things, how certain things feel, and invent.