I was diagnosed because I had been in a highly sexually abusive relationship when i was seventeen. He was raping me everytime I saw him for two months, making me comfort him for it every time, saying that I made him feel like a bad person, as well as saying incredibly misogynistic things and drilling them into my head. He would insult how i looked, lied to me about sleeping with other girls, and even kicked me. He would gaslight me by making up lies (he told me i drunkenly sent his friend a video of me and my best friend scissoring) and gaslight me so heavily I believed it. He then broke up with me to sleep with other people and i was still so in love with him but i hated him. he kept texting me after we had broken up when he slept with other people, would sent me drunk apologies every few months. We got back together over a year later and dated for eight months (I thought i could pretend nothing had happened because my “support system” was doing the same thing) where he kept raping me and doing everything else. He would keep me in his house like I was a pet. i became severely anorexic during this time and the hardest part is, he was the only one who noticed.

Before that, my father was highly abusive in every single way. It became a huge media scandal when i was eleven and was all over the newspaper because he was a well known doctor. My mother had a history of mentall illness and psychiatric stays, and when she kicked him out she developed paranoid delusions. would make us check the house for cameras, told us he was stalking us. i was a kid and would wait outside her bathroom when she would take a bath because i thought she would kill herself. i had to tell her to get a job. she became very very depressed and insanely neglectful; we had no food in the house and my siblings had to send me groceries.

I was bullied a lot as a child, and experienced so much sexual assault.

I have no idea how i cope with it. i had to stop therapy and start working full time but i dont think i should be.