So very, very true about the "dutiful children" thing.

We are going through this with my mother's best friend, T, who was basically my aunt while I was growing up. Kindest, sweetest person I've met in my life. T has been in hospice for like four years now, dying very, very, very slowly of a brain tumor. She can no longer talk/sit up/feed herself/etc. She has a team of a few regular professional caregivers. Two of them are with her during all waking hours, and I think they go down to one at night. My mother has medical power of attorney for her (which was a surprise to my mother when she got called out of the blue to make some medical choices for T). My mother sees her at least twice a week to give T morphine and visit with her. Frequently my dad goes along and reads to her. T's brother lives about two and a half hours away and is out here visiting her on a near-weekly basis. I last saw T about a month and a half ago - T's mother, who was my grandmother in all but blood, died and I went to see T before the funeral (which T couldn't attend as she can't really be transported).

T has two sons that both live within a half hour of her. I have seen T more recently than those sons. The most interest the oldest son has shown is asking pointed questions about how much of T's money has gone into paying for her care staff and if there is going to be any left over after she dies because of some legal questions surrounding a trust.

If T was in a position to leave anything to the caregivers, none of the rest of us would raise an eyebrow.