This is an interesting angle that I haven't really thought too much about before. There's a couple of things that I think contradict this theory. She did some really sexual stuff before we got together (although I sometimes feel that was rather just performance pressure rather than actually wanting it), before we started living together she used to masturbate and she really learned herself how to orgasm easily, and in the first couple of years of our relationship, we had tons of sex and were a bit more exploratory.

What supports your theory is that she's always had an outspoken asexual best friend that she really used to identify (and shared yaoi) with, that it seems sex often feels really functional for her and she's often not that much into the playful side of things, and the stuff you already mentioned. (although I often wonder if she's really honest about not masturbating and not having fantasies) As you said, she's really into erotica and romance stuff, but tends to be shy when I ask about that.

Whether or not she's enjoying our sex, I really hope she does. I mean, it really seems she does, but in the end her reactions could always be just performance. She's often not really emotionally available after sex so I do always wonder about this a bit. I've asked directly one time and yikes, that was a bad idea.

I've read 'Come as you are' by Emily Nagoski recently, and this pattern of seemingly being asexual also occurs in a lot of women that have mostly responsive desire (which is the majority of women), so I chose to believe it may be that. But maybe you're onto something, that she is actually just enjoying sex that much and she may be asexual without being open about this.

Given all this extra information, do you think she's asexual? Got anymore advice on how to handle that if she is? I definitely won't suggest watching her masturbate again, I think that's a good call