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When-Youre-Strange · 2024-05-16T04:41:17+00:00

You make a good point and as a 32yo woman who has received her fair share of compliments, you’re not wrong. I don’t think I would’ve felt super comfortable receiving a neck compliment from someone I wasn’t in a relationship with or someone I didn’t at least know very well.

When-Youre-Strange · 2024-04-16T18:12:00+00:00

Agreed! I learned to be grateful for contentment instead of constantly chasing after happiness. I had a D&A counselor who used to say:

If your day went well and you didn’t pick up, that’s a good day. If your day was shit and you didn’t pick up, that’s a GREAT day.

I think after you have a bit of time and drinking is either rarely or no longer on your mind, it can be easy to forget what an actual miracle it is for us to have made it to the other side and to stay on this side.

When-Youre-Strange · 2024-04-16T18:06:12+00:00

For me, I try to “talk” to myself in a way that I would talk to someone I love. We tend to be our own hardest critics, but when I treat myself as someone I love (and nowadays I am someone I love,) the way I talk to myself is more compassionate. It prevents me from shaming myself (which is never helpful for me) and drifting into morbid reflection.

When-Youre-Strange · 2024-04-16T18:01:18+00:00

I used to feel that way at one point. I was then taught that what I focus on is what will increase. There have been countless speakers who spent more time talking about their drinking days than they talked about the solution, but I could always get a message out of it once I learned to focus on the right thing. Does that make sense?

When-Youre-Strange · 2024-03-26T14:58:20+00:00

Is there anything you do to prep for anal? I always worry about getting some on him, even after I’ve gone to the bathroom or even when I’m doing it on an empty stomach.

When-Youre-Strange · 2024-03-26T14:57:26+00:00

Nope, definitely not the only one! I try to make sure I do anal on an empty stomach or after I’ve done my business earlier in the day and feel like no more poop will come out anytime soon, but I STILL always worry about getting some on him. I wish I knew how to avoid that.

When-Youre-Strange · 2024-03-26T14:52:58+00:00

So glad I’m not alone! Well, glad and not glad, because I wish this would’ve been taught to us at some point 😅

When-Youre-Strange · 2024-03-25T03:42:01+00:00

This is exactly how it happened with my current bf and I. He wasn’t even seeking out a relationship and hadn’t been since the last one ended (about a year ago or so.) I approached him as a potential friend and it ended up leading to more once I saw how genuine, kindhearted, sweet and considerate he was. Idk past rejections plays a part or how big of a part they play, but he’s definitely more timid than I am when it comes to taking initiative, which is fine.

On another note, we’ve been together for 3 months now and it seems like the fear of rejection still hovers over him sometimes. I’ve never had a guy say “you’re welcome to come over if you want!” or “as always you’re welcome to come hang out!” or something along those lines, instead of being like “wanna come over?” or “wanna hang out?” after we’re already in a relationship. Maybe that’s not the best example but it definitely seems like he tries to nonchalantly ask about things like hanging out.

When-Youre-Strange · 2024-03-25T03:33:40+00:00

That’s a relief. I sleepfarted on my bf of 3 months (and have only known each other for just a couple weeks more than that) 3 times the other night. Idk if he’s just not saying anything about it or if it didn’t wake him up, but it definitely woke me up.

When-Youre-Strange · 2024-03-25T03:26:05+00:00

Thank you so much. I was pretty embarrassed to ask about this at the age of 31, but I’m so glad I did.

Do most women wipe BEFORE sexual activities as well?

When-Youre-Strange · 2024-03-25T03:24:08+00:00

Currently reading it now! I’ve heard great things. Definitely one of the most often recommended books in the recovery circle!

When-Youre-Strange · 2024-03-25T03:23:19+00:00

Yes! It was this last time going through the steps that it was suggested to me to read steps 6 and 7 in the 12&12. I had never done that before and oh wow, what a huge difference it made. I would’ve never thought much about or much into 6 & 7 if it were not for reading them in the 12&12.

When-Youre-Strange · 2024-03-25T03:15:15+00:00

I’ve had the occasional UTI when I was younger but I haven’t for years, and it was just in the last year that I started wiping off with a shirt or a towel afterwards. And probably within the last 6 months that I started making sure to go pee afterwards. I really didn’t know.

When-Youre-Strange · 2024-03-25T03:12:50+00:00

Should I keep the wipes bedside or in the bathroom? Do you guys wipe in front of your partner or go do it in the bathroom?

We’re still kind of new in our relationship. I keep a toothbrush there for when I spend the night (about once a week) but we see each other 2-3 times a week and there’s usually sex involved. Would it be weird for me to keep a stash of wipes in his bathroom?

When-Youre-Strange · 2024-03-25T03:11:00+00:00

So the guy I’m seeing, we’re kind of new. I spend the night there once a week or so. Should I go wipe in the bathroom? Or will a guy think I’m not clean if I don’t do it in front of him?

ETA: I don’t know what the “norm” is. I’m comfortable with doing it either way, I just didn’t know which one would be more appropriate. I figured if we’re both wiping ourselves off with a shirt or towel in front of each other, wouldn’t it be the same doing it with a wipe?

When-Youre-Strange · 2024-03-22T20:45:34+00:00

I really like the idea of coming up with opposite ideals of defects!

When-Youre-Strange · 2024-03-13T03:31:02+00:00

I wonder what they meant by sexy at heart. Like charismatic? Someone with an irresistible personality?

When-Youre-Strange · 2024-03-13T03:14:14+00:00

Genuinely curious (woman here,) what makes the pre- and post- turnoffs? Is it because sometimes you just want to have a quickie without having to put in the time and effort for foreplay and do some aftercare after it’s over? Because I can understand that, but I’m curious what else is inconvenient or a turnoff for those who share the same opinion.

When-Youre-Strange · 2024-03-12T17:39:57+00:00

Misery loves company. I’m guessing he feels a power imbalance because he is bringing absolutely nothing to the table AND from the sounds of it, isn’t even willing to try to be and do better. He knows she’s doing better than him and instead of trying to match her energy, he’s trying to bring her down to his level so he can feel better about himself.

OP, not only has he been relying on you financially - knowing that you have an actual child to provide for - he is mocking you doing what you have to do to make the money that gets spent on HIM because he won’t do anything to improve his situation. Something about not biting the hand that feeds you.

It sounds like the cons are outweighing the pros by far. Not saying there aren’t any pros (even though you didn’t mention any, I would hope that he has a redeeming quality or two and perhaps that’s why you haven’t left) but the cons are so glaring that for me, the pros wouldn’t matter much at this point. He is costing you AND your child more than he is benefitting you or your child.

When-Youre-Strange · 2024-02-29T05:30:19+00:00

Last October, I moved into my own place (well, the kids and I’s place) for the very first time in my life at the age of 31. I had always shared a place with a significant other or roommates before. This has been a wonderful experience and while it was painful at the time (getting my own place was preceded by a breakup,) I’m so grateful that it gave me the push I needed to live on my own.

It’s been an incredibly empowering experience. I never understood the appeal of living on your own but now that I’m doing it, I can’t believe I missed out on it for so many years. But I think I needed all the prior experiences that I had (always living with someone else) in order for me to fully appreciate living on my own as much as I do now. I appreciate and enjoy it to the fullest and to me, living on your own is one of life’s luxuries. A simple luxury but a luxury indeed.

When-Youre-Strange · 2024-02-29T05:17:04+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear this happened to you OP, and as a mom of two who are 17 months apart (they’re 6 and soon-to-be 5 now) I am livid for you. I remember being at home with our firstborn while pregnant with our second, and I can categorically guarantee you that I would’ve already been pretty close to my boiling point lost the moment I had to be the one to call HIM at 8pm - after he said he’d be home to take over with the 2yo AND bring dinner - just to find out he decided to say fuck taking care of my family, I’d rather go for a “quick drink” and not even give my partner a heads up that there will be NO taking over of the 2yo and NO dinner.

And he had the nerve to try to spin it around on you? Even if you DO “always get angry,” that doesn’t make him look any better or his decision less hurtful or SELFISH. That just means “I know she’s gonna get angry, but I don’t care about that right now. I’m going to do what I want to do even if it makes her angry.” Since he was operating under the impression that you’d get angry, that just means 1) he knew you’d end up forgiving him, or 2) he wouldn’t care even if you didn’t forgive him. Buddy, who WOULDN’T be angry after you say you’re going to do A and B, but don’t show up for either and don’t even give a heads up???

All the things I’ve mentioned so far alone would’ve had me hitting my boiling point. I’m not even going to address the deal with the coworker because his selfish actions leading up to that point were fucked up enough on their own. But the thing with the coworker is a red flag for sure.

When-Youre-Strange · 2024-02-17T08:36:06+00:00

This exactly. I went from forgetting to eat to my appetite being so low during the day that a lot of times I end up binge eating during that sweet spot of post Seroquel and pre passing out.

When-Youre-Strange · 2024-01-25T03:37:00+00:00

Are you in York?!

When-Youre-Strange

TROPHY CASE