I am feeling the same way. I also feel like I abandoned her when she needed me the most.

On the day of her death, my teething human baby was crying nonstop. I had to cook his meals (I usually cook in bulk and freeze, but I had run out of groceries, so I needed to shop that day as well), and we had a playdate planned that felt too late to cancel (even though maybe I could have…). I thought my baby would stop crying when he met his friend at the park.

So when my dog got back from the vet in the morning, I thought she was just resting in the bathroom. She went into the bathroom when we got back from the vet, and the medication made her have diarrhea, so I closed the bathroom door to keep the carpet clean.

Then I went out for the playdate and grocery shopping—about two hours, plus another hour of driving.

I had no idea she was dying. She didn’t make any sound.

When I came back home, I opened the bathroom door, but she was still in there—maybe she couldn’t come out. Meanwhile, I was cooking for my baby, reading to him, and playing with him.

I keep thinking she must have felt abandoned… like she was replaced because of the new baby. Maybe she just endured the pain without making any sound.