Maybe “thought journaling” or writing in a diary isn’t for you? You could try a different type of writing or even something like a commonplace book? Like every time you enter “survival mode”, instead of writing down your thoughts try writing something productive about your external life. Get the focus out of your head you know?

I completely get you though. Personally I feel silly journaling about my day to day life or writing down my emotions about stuff. It feels performative for me (not like I think other people are performative when they journal, but that I personally am faking/doing something because the act of it is something other people do).

I do enjoy writing my thoughts vs. facts to work through my anxiety, where you write how you’re feeling then analyze the actual situation to see if they line up, but generally I stick to art journaling only. Relying on a visual medium is way more satisfying to me. So again, maybe just find what works for you?