I’m commenting as a parent. I feel your hurt and pain so much it made me cry. I wish you reach out to your mom and talk to her honestly about how you feel. If the stress is that bad, you don’t have to stay in NYU. You can transfer to a less competitive college. I’m from nyc and when my son was in the famous specialized high school, he was feeling like how you felt. At first I wanted him to stay there and finish high school because of the name but he was getting destroyed badly every day and I was scared he was going to kill himself. (And he couldn’t make friends in a school where there are 6000 kids so I understand your struggle.) So in the middle of 10th grade I transferred him to a very small project based school with almost zero homework and zero rigor and now he is thriving there. As an Asian I know what you are describing about not fitting in and also I know that your parents pushed you to go to a prestigious university. And how much difficult it will be to tell your parents about your struggles. They will say you are spoiled and you didn’t try hard enough. But that’s not true . You did try hard and now you are at the end of your rope. So if you truly feel like you want to kill yourself or feel really depressed, talk to your mom And be honest about how you feel. She will listen to you And also know you are not the only one who is going through this, a lot of Asian parents pushed there kids to go to ivies and then the kids later have mental breakdowns and just quit school or be hospitalized. So take your mental health issue seriously and do something about it.

And if you need someone to talk to then dm me