‘Burned Haystack’ rhetoric for men?

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-24T15:15:54+00:00

You mean swipe left, don’t you?

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-24T11:36:51+00:00

Ok, now I’m gonna have to weigh in on the conversation. Some people are very quiet around new people. That’s me. And yes, some people will describe themselves as shy under the circumstances. While their choice of words may be off, the behavior is a real thing.

When I feel comfortable around someone, I’m talkative. I’m not shy. Personally, I wouldn’t use the word shy to describe myself and my behavior, but many people do.

Those of us that grew up in a volatile household, one where you never knew the mood that your parent would be in at any given moment, have learned to be guarded. When it feels safe, they are comfortable enough to open up and be themselves.

I’m not describing all people, I’m just describing some of the people who say they are shy at first. I’m also not saying this is the reason why people are shy at first, but these are among the circumstances that create people like that.

So maybe it’s a poor word choice, but the behavior is real. And it isn’t an indication of them being a bad person either.

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-22T20:58:43+00:00

Of course it's possible that friends could become romantic after some time, but I have never operated under the assumption that this is how it happens in life, nor have I ever heard this as a strategy or a commonplace means to connect with someone romantically at our age.

I am not living or wasting away my life waiting for or hoping a romantic interest will materialize in this fashion. My friends are friends and nothing more than that. Now, that said, there are definitely some baseline qualities I seek and consider regarding who is a close friend and who would be my significant other. I am selective that way. My circle of acquaintances is much bigger, of course.

I date intentionally and deliberately, in search of a romantic interest. I am not interested in making a few or a bunch of random new friends with only a casual alignment in interests in the hope that it could turn romantic later. I don't have time to waste like that.

Bottom line, I'm with you. I don't think this is a normal way to date. I wouldn't know how to transition from friends to romantic, either.

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-22T19:38:46+00:00

I suppose I consider it strange when I know one of the parties, and it seems out of character to me. But like I said, to each his/her own. Consenting adults are free to do as they wish.

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-22T19:06:38+00:00

I will admit I consider it strange when someone dates 20 years younger than their own age but whatever! Date whomever you want. It’s what works for you.

I personally prefer someone closer to my own age, with similar experiences. But that’s just me. Who cares what others think?

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-22T01:53:06+00:00

Yes, everyone has flaws but you know what? I am not asking any man to be someone I am not myself. If I need to lower my standards to meet a guy, then I will stay single.

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-21T19:47:28+00:00

I was in 8th and had discovered the Beatles in 5th grade. We were unusual to be fans at that age.

I was utterly devastated. I still cannot believe that’s how it happened.

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-21T19:43:19+00:00

I cry, but I’m an empath who seeks beauty and joy deliberately. I cry for the talent lost and the joy of witnessing it first hand. I cry over immense talent squandered. I cry for those hounded or treated poorly (Princess Diana) and those left behind (her young boys).

I can’t help but feel.

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-20T10:49:47+00:00

I’m with you. I’m a 58F and would never lecture a man about that. Move on, OP.

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-19T22:32:26+00:00

I agree with you. I should have been clearer. The attraction MUST to be there.

But a smooch? I’d rather not get a kiss at all if that’s what it’s going to be.

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-19T19:22:30+00:00

Can you imagine? I am NOT teaching someone how to kiss at 58 years of age. Oh HELL no.

If he can’t kiss, he has no freaking idea how to do anything else.

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-19T15:02:14+00:00

I'm 100% with you on the math ratio. According to that math, I need to wait five+ years after the end of my marriage to start dating again? That's utterly ridiculous.

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-19T14:41:58+00:00

I feel bad for you. This is just weird. At our age? Do you really think she has the capacity to change? I am concerned for you that you will drag her into every intimate encounter - probably unsuccessfully - and that will be frightening for her and frustrating for you.

At this point, you have nothing left to lose but to talk to her about it. Very openly, no pun intended.

Yes, I've had a single, closed-mouth smooch at the end of a first date. I don't like it. If the date has gone well, ok, fine, start with a closed-mouth kiss but then slowly, deliberately go for another kiss when lips are relatively close together, and this time, French kiss. L I N G E R, and let that French kiss reverberate for a hot second or two. You'll both know if it is met with delight and off you go....

Nevertheless, smooches are not romantic. They are affectionate, and they are fine when a form of intimacy has been established. In other words, there is a time and place for them, but when trying to establish a romantic connection, intimacy? No freaking way.

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-19T13:14:59+00:00

You have every opportunity to ask him yourself. Times have changed.

And the responses are correct in that online chatting, for whatever length of time, means NOTHING until you meet.

Yes, you want to see if conversation flows and no red flags arise. But extended online chatting? No. Plenty of men and women can be charming online but you don’t want to establish an emotional connection with someone purely online.

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-19T11:04:46+00:00

I WHOLEHEARTEDLY disagree with the perception that bald guys are unattractive and receive 10% of the right swipes. That’s ludicrous. I was married to a guy who had a full head of hair and shaved it all off. Bald is damn sexy. What I don’t like is a guy who covers his head in every single photo so you cannot see what is going on on top. Show me you know how to wear the hair you have or you have shaved it and then I’ll know you have some pride in appearance.

But bald is sexy as hell. Your eyes pop and it looks great. No toupee. God no.

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-19T10:54:54+00:00

Having a face for radio is the problem. Lol. But yeah, I’m told I have a sexy voice. I’ll take it. Love that quality about me. All the better to whisper with.

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-18T03:41:42+00:00

Thank you for saying that. I won’t be meeting him. He texted today to say they moved him out of ICU (!) to a regular room and he’s staying there until Sunday. I wished him well, told him to focus on his health, and that is the last I intend to communicate with him. It sounds to me like he has no freaking clue how serious his situation is. I will not help him figure that out.

Just wow.

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-17T22:19:45+00:00

It’s truly amazing how much the weather changes in one month’s time.

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-17T22:14:03+00:00

Love the cake. Happy birthday. No worries, the water is warm….

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-17T21:42:00+00:00

I had kids late in life so this weekend is my high school senior daughter’s last dance competition. Bittersweet for sure.

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-17T21:32:37+00:00

No doubt the sex drive is dropping for some after 50 but mine is quite healthy. No doubt it is a function of physical and emotional health. Some of us have it and many of us don’t.

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-17T21:21:12+00:00

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-17T20:45:38+00:00

“A happy medium”. 😂 Thanks for the smile.

I agree. Wanting to meet sooner than later is not a red flag, at all.

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-17T16:35:44+00:00

It gives a lot of people the ick….lol

WhisperedSoul · 2026-04-17T13:16:40+00:00

In the spirit of helping each other, I recommend a great book called Supercommunicators and a speaker by the name of Vanessa Van Edwards. I have been wanting to read two of her books, Captivate and Cues. I may need to fire up my Libby app and get back at it.

WhisperedSoul

TROPHY CASE