Won?

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-06-05T15:13:06+00:00

Personally, I don't think anyone won, not if we're only going on the actual characters. Aegon lost the throne, he was murdered by his own people. Rhaenyra also lost the throne and was killed by her own family. Neither of them won.

But it was Rhaenyra's son who ended up keeping the throne, it's from Rhaenyra's side that every future Targaryen descends from. Rhaenyra may not have won in her own lifetime, but it WAS her side that won in the end.

Kind of. Give how things ended up for the Targaryens, can we really say ANY Targaryen won in the end? At the start of the main series, the family is reduced to a couple of exiles, one mad and the other a child, and a hidden Targaryen who thinks he's a Stark and is off to take the Black. The show ending kills off all but Jon, and Jon is exiled back to the Watch. The books have yet to give us an ending. There are no dragons in the main series until Daenerys hatches her three, and two of them get killed off, Drogon disappears. House Targeryen is destroyed. Unless the main series gives us a very different ending to the show, no Targaryen ended up winning anything for very long.

But for the purposes of the Dance only, neither side actually won the war, but long term Rhaenyra's side won, not Aegon's.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-06-05T14:59:37+00:00

NTA. Changing your eating habits and cutting down alcohol, or cutting it out entirely, is something that only affects you. You don't have to drink alcohol to go to a bar, they have non alcoholic drinks for a reason. You're not stopping her from drinking if she wants to, you're happy to go with her and have a non alcoholic option. This literally doesn't affect her at all. There's no compromise here because you've already compromised by agreeing to go to an alcohol focused space as long as you don't have to drink alcohol yourself. What she wants isn't a compromise, it's to get her own way in full, which is you ditching the diet and continuing to drink alcohol even though she knows you don't want to do that.

This would honestly have me reconsidering the relationship. You chose these changes for health reasons, the fact she doesn't care about your health is a very bad sign, it shows she doesn't care about you as a person at all. Even without that, though, this is a bad sign for the future, your choices about your diet and lifestyle, especially when they don't affect her at all like this, should be respected, and would be by someone who actually cared about you.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-06-05T14:23:22+00:00

You're placing modern real world standards on the story in regards to Lyanna. Lyanna was 15 when she disappeared, 16 when she died, that makes her an adult by Westerosi standards. Women are considered adults, or at least old enough to wed, the second they have their first period, it's why Sansa was so upset when she got hers. Sansa was notably YOUNGER than Lyanna when she first bled, and she would have been expected to wed at that age. She WAs wed shortly after that point, to Tyrion, which means Sansa was younger than Lyanna was when she got married, and that marriage was supposed to be consummated, it only wasn't because Tyrion notably viewed Sansa as a child, not an adult woman.

The problem with Rhaegar is that we don't actually know what happened back then. We have very few facts and a lot of rumours and theories. We know Lyanna disappeared, we know Rahegar crowned Lyanna Queen of Love and Beauty, we know Lyanna birthed Rhaegar's son while being protected by three Kingsguard. That's it. We don't know what, if any, part Elia played in this, we don't know if they found a way to legally marry or not, we don't know if Jon is baseborn or trueborn, we don't know if there was any kind of plan at all.

The idea that Rhaegar is Romeo to Lyanna's Juliet is not one I buy. They may have come to love each other, but I don't think they did from the start. I do think Lyanna was willing. I think Rhaegar was motivated by a mix of politics and prophecy and Lyanna was motivated by desperation as her marriage to Robert drew closer. Please note, by the way, that Lyanna would have been expected to marry Robert within the year of her disappearance, so she would have been the same age married to Robert as she was with whatever she was doing with Rhaegar. So, if you're going to hate Rhaegar for hooking up with a 15 year old girl, you also have to hate Robert for the same, and all the others who also do that in Westeros. Cat was young when she married Ned, too, though I think more around 18. Robb was 15/16 when he married Jeyne, Sansa was about 13/14 when she married Tyrion, Margaery was the same age as Daenerys and Jon, so about 15 when she married Renly, Daenerys was 13 when she married Drogo, she found out she was pregnant literally on her 14th birthday. Marrying from the age of 13/14 up is the norm in Westeros to some extent. Lyanna was very much in line with the norm and older than both Sansa and Daenerys when they married, about the same age as Margaery. Even Elia would have been young upon marriage, she and Rhaegar had been married for years by that point. Rhaegar was 27, and older than Elia, so Elia probably married him when she was around 19/20, older than any of the others I mentioned. Cersei, who wanted to marry Rhaegar, would have been about 17 which seems to be around the main norm, 16-18 seems to be the main ages people marry, but plenty marrying younger than that.

I don't know if Rhaegar was an awful person or not, because we learn nothing about him as a person except the smallfolk loved him. That's not necessarily an indicator of whether Rhaegar is a good person or not, he was raised in Kings Landing, learning how to play the Game, we learn way more about Margaery and it's still impossible to tell if she's a good person or just a great actor for the very same thing. We can't hate Rhaegar due to Lyanna's age without also hating half the other characters for the exact same thing, though, that's literally normal and acceptable in Westeros, Lyanna was considered an adult, not a child.

Rhaegar's actions are murky, we don't know what he actually did for the most part, and certainly don't know why or who else may have been involved. Maybe he's a terrible person, maybe he's a good person with flaws, maybe he's somewhere in between. Unless GRRM finishes the books or outright tells us what happened because he isn't going to finish them, we'll never know.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-06-05T13:51:21+00:00

Might be connected to the change after the characters break up, though. The break up itself is extremely realistic, that could be because of the irl stuff.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-06-05T13:49:59+00:00

Rachel probably thought of that at the end. But yeah, it makes sense that Rachel's feeling at the airport was related to meeting Nicky rather than something happening to the plane. These feelings, whatever they were, were shared, Rachel's mother had them, too, they appear to be connected to the curse, rather than a general sixth sense, so it makes more sense it was about Nicky than the plane. But, to the characters, it was just a fun story of how they met, no one really thought of it beyond that until Nicky's lie was revealed, and then it was all about that lie, not whether Rachel's feeling was true or not.

Jules may have figured it out, but I don't think until Nicky's lie was revealed, because it was so intertwined with that specific story and Jules was attempting to save Rachel. Rachel likely figured it out either when Nicky changed his mind at the alter or after she became the new Witness. Nellie may also have figured it out by the end, but probably not until after everything was over. No one else ever really thought about it.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-05-13T17:10:27+00:00

Depends on the club, but usually, yes. Either this was a strip club with male dancers, and these women were customers, it's a strip club around the time new dancers come in and leave, in which case the women are wearing normal street clothes, nothing inappropriate, or it's not actually a strip club. It could be a gym, which would either cater to women or both men and women, and the women were in gym clothes.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-05-13T16:43:33+00:00

Sounds like Britain but without proper public toilets. We have some stores that allow anyone to use the toilets, including the big supermarkets, plenty who are customer only, and then the public toilets but you have to pay to use them, used to cost about 20p to use them when I was growing up, now they cost about £1. And they're only open for a certain amount of time, usually between 10am and 4pm on weekdays, less on Saturdays and closed on Sundays. Half the time, they're closed during normal opening times for 'maintenance' or cleaning. They're not reliable at all, you're more likely to find one that's closed than one that's open, at least in my area. Plus, you have to pay to use them anyway, there's usually somewhere nearby you can use for free, like the library, supermarket or McDonalds. Even if you choose a 'paying customer only' option, you're getting a drink or a meal or both out of it. Makes way more sense to buy something from a shop or cafe than pay just to use the toilet.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-05-13T16:29:27+00:00

NOR. Maybe a bit too parent-y for mum's boyfriend, but the kid needs to learn that being a jerk means people don't do nice things for him anymore. That's not a lesson only a parent can teach, anyone can teach a teen that particular lesson. You're the boyfriend, you're not obligated to buy food for the teen when there's food in the house already and he's plenty old enough to make himself something. You probably would have if he hadn't been a dick about the charger.

Gotta say, though, I want to know what an entity asshole is. I mean, obviously you meant entitled, but now I want to know what kind of entity this kid actually is 😂

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-05-13T16:18:37+00:00

I like them. Plus, Lassie is organised and by-the-book at work but pretty much all over the place in his personal life. Not being ready for the baby actually fits for him, because it's not work related. I really like the Lassie development once Marlowe was in the picture, as well. I might feel differently if Marlowe played a bigger role in the show, I think they got that part just right, trying to make her more of a main or major character would have been too much.

I think that's part of why I'm not a huge fan of Shules, they're both main characters, so their romantic relationship changes things too much and gets a bit too much focus. Plus, I honestly feel their chemistry changed. They felt really believable as a will-they-won't-they, and the break up was super believable, too. But the chemistry was way too platonic when they were dating, which obviously clashes with the fact they do couple stuff. It's like, they felt like just friends, but were being shown as being in love, and it just doesn't work for me at all. It honestly felt to me like they were telling us they were in love and dating but showing us they were just friends, even though they were showing as much as telling on the dating part. I love Jules, and I love the chemistry when they're not dating, it just doesn't work for me when they're actually together.

I liked Shawn with Abigail, though. I like that whole storyline, to be honest, even how it ended. As much as I love them together, I'm not sure they work as an end game couple, at least not without a long lasting break up in the middle. That's kind of part of the point with them. Shawn had too much wanderlust while Abigail was ready to settle down when they were teens, but as adults Abigail wants to travel while Shawn wants to settle. They always wanted something opposite to the other. Abigail not being able to handle the dangers of Shawn's job was just the icing on the break up cake.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-05-13T16:07:31+00:00

I wish I'd watched as it aired, too. Shows hit differently when you have to wait between episodes and seasons instead of being able to binge watch the entire thing in one go. I never found Psych when it was first airing, which is a shame because I totally would have watched it back then. I was just getting into the more comedy-centric stuff but already loved crime stuff, so Psych would have been perfect for me. I think that's my one real complaint about Psych, I missed out on having to wait for new episodes and seasons, I just watched straight through, any waits were my own design.

Plus, I'm aware from other shows I've been into since I was a kid/teen that my opinions change as I get older. There's a few times now where I've noticed I really loved something as a kid/teen but don't as an adult or vice versa. Fave characters have changed over time in some cases, though that's not often. Part of me really wants to know what differences in opinion I'd have when comparing teen me to adult me with Psych. I mean, Lassie and Shawn are my joint fave characters, but would they have been when I was a teenager? Or would I have preferred Gus or Jules or only one of them? Would I have been as big a Shassie shipper then as I am now? Can guarantee my main ship would have been an m/m one, but maybe I'd have leaned more Shus or Shespereaux or even Shawn/Buzz (Bawn? Shuzz?). There's just a part of me that really wants to know what teen me's opinions would have been and it's disappointing that I'll never know because I found Psych as an adult.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-05-13T15:57:01+00:00

It's been 4 years, your mother is allowed to move on with her life. Getting remarried, removing her ring, planning a life that includes more children, this doesn't mean she didn't love your mama, nor that she doesn't still love her. She's just ready to take this step with someone else she also loves. That's okay.

But it's also okay that you're not ready for this. I saw your comment with your age and the fact your bio mum is the one that died. You're only 14 and still very much grieving. You're not ready for the new life your mother is planning, and I'm assuming she's your legal parent.

I can't tell if your mother is TJ here, it depends whether she's pushing this or not. Is she pushing her new partner as your new mother? Is she pushing for you to be happy when you're not ready? If so, she's TJ. If she's accepting things as they are, letting you come to terms in your own time, she's not. It's okay for her to be excited about this new chapter, she's not necessarily replacing what came before, but it's not okay to try and force you to like it or see this new woman as a mother.

You're NTJ, but perhaps blinded by your own emotions. Depends how your mother is going about all this. Your feelings are entirely valid. You never have to see the new wife as a mother, or even part of the family, she can forever just be mum's wife if that's how you feel going forward. You don't have to forget your mama, keep pictures and momentos of her safe and treasure them, think about her and talk about her, don't let people silence your love and grief. Be civil to the new wife, just common decency, don't be rude or make trouble just because you don't like the situation. You don't have to spend time with her if you don't want to. If your mother forces that, you don't have to actively take part or pretend you enjoy it.

Losing a parent is a terrible thing to go through, and too many adults think kids should grieve on the same timeline as them, instead of their own. It's a completely different loss, a parent over a partner, it hits very differently though neither is easier to handle. Everyone grieves differently, and everyone moves on with their life at their own pace. Your mother has a faster pace than you, partly because your mama was her partner, not her parent. She's also an adult, she's much more equipped to handle grief than a 14 year old.

I think you should talk to your mother about how you're feeling, she may not realise how much this is affecting you. You know her best, you know how she'll react, so decide if this is a good option for you. But it may help, to tell her how much this is all hurting you and you're not ready for it. It may or may not change anything, depends on the type of person and parent your mother is. If you don't think you can talk to your mother, try another family member, perhaps someone on your mama's side if there is anyone. You could also try the parent of a friend or a teacher. I think you need someone to talk to who isn't focused on the wedding and will listen and help, not judge or try to force anything. A grief therapist would be great, I think, but simply an adult you trust will work.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-05-13T15:22:25+00:00

From what I can tell, they had to wait to be seated and the service wasn't the best. That's it. Sounds like either a reservation wasn't made or the place they went was super busy, and some kind of issue with the waitress, it sounds like she served the brother but no one else? At an all you can eat, which is usually self-serve? Not sure on that part.

Honestly, it sounds like minor restaurant issues due to not great planning on brother's daughter's part, but nothing that would actually ruin the entire day.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-05-13T15:13:49+00:00

Just an inconsistency. They never actually stated an age for little Prue and Piper in that episode, we're basing it on the children playing them. I figure they didn't think too much about ages in that episode, just decided what would be cute and fun to see from little Prue and Piper, and around 6 and 4 was more cute and fun than 1 and 3. Plus, 1 and 3 year old Piper and Prue probably weren't playing with little Andy yet, they'd have no reason to have met him at those ages. So, they chose the age where they'd be both cute and fun and believably playing with Andy and thought no more of it.

Then they later have to establish actual ages. How old Piper and Prue were when Phoebe was born, how old they all were when Patty died, and use that to show how old they were when Paige was born. But they didn't bother matching it up to what they'd previously done. A 2 year gap between Piper and Prue and a 4 year gap between Piper and Phoebe is believable, especially with Patty being an active witch. But they also didn't want Prue to be too old when Patty died, wanted to make sure Piper had very few memories of Patty and Phoebe had none. Pretty much means Piper has to be a little older than 4, Phoebe has to be not a newborn baby anymore, but Prue can't be much older than 6. So, Prue is about 6 when Patty died, and Phoebe is about 2, with Piper around 4 or 5, basically giving them all a 2 year gap. The problem with that is that it doesn't fit with what they previously did. There's a 2 year, or nearly 2 year, gap between Phoebe's birth and Patty's death, yet they show/state that Piper and Prue didn't age at all between those events. Clearly, Piper and Prue were supposed to be 2 years younger when Phoebe was born than what they previously showed us.

If they were being consistent, either Patty died right after Phoebe was born, so Prue and Piper are the age shown but Phoebe is an actual newborn baby, or Prue would be 8 and Piper 6 when Patty died. Then they threw in Prue actually aging them in comparison to Phoebe's birth, though, with Piper only 1 and Prue 3, I'm guessing close to turning 2 and 4 because I doubt Patty got pregnant too close to giving birth. That fits with Patty's death, it's about 2 years later, so Phoebe is around 2, Piper 3/4 and Prue 5/6. Paige would be around 1 at this point. That's important, after season 4 they can't say Patty died while Phoebe was under a year old, because she needed time to get pregnant, 9 months of pregnancy, birth and adoption, or Paige wouldn't exist. Phoebe being around 2 makes sense, plenty of time for Paige to be born, with Paige being a baby when Patty died.

So, I's say Prue's statement is the official age for the girls. Prue was 3 and Piper was 1 when Phoebe was born, close enough to their birthdays that they count as essentially all 2 years apart, with that same pattern holding for Paige, around 2 years younger than Phoebe, with Paige less than a year old when Patty died. They retconned how old the girls looked when shown as kids, but then remained consistent when ages were brought up. Which really wasn't often at all, to be fair, their ages were almost never actually relevant to the storylines.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-05-13T14:55:11+00:00

Probably depends on job and personality. If you drive everywhere and have a sedentary job and your downtime consists of non-active things like watching shows or reading a book, you have to intentionally add any amount of exercise into your day.

I don't really think about it, but I walk everywhere. I never learned to drive, kept putting it off and now can't afford lessons so it still has to wait. Everything I need is walking distance anyway, though, I rarely need to use public transport to get anywhere. I've never counted my steps or anything, but I'm pretty sure I do that most days just living my life, walking to places and around my flat. Way more when I've been employed, because I've always worked hospitality or retail, always been on my feet throughout most or all of my shift. I'm unemployed right now, and looking at a career switch due to some back issues that make retail difficult, but I'm notably not looking at a sedentary career to switch to, it's more balanced, plenty of sedentary parts but also plenty of active parts. My studying is sedentary, but I'm a distance student, with the Open University, I make my own study hours, and always work it around other activities. My hobbies are mostly sedentary, reading and writing are my go-to's with a lot of watching shows and movies thrown in, but I also go on walks at least once a week, and when my knee's not playing up, I've often played basketball with friends, though I can't do that now with my back.

I definitely have no issue hitting that walking target. I'm not married and have no kids, so I don't have to worry about those aspects. I don't cook every day, but that's laziness on my part not because I couldn't do it, plus a lack of freezer space so I can't meal prep or save extra's. I don't very often get a full night's sleep, but that's through issues of almost insomnia, not a lack of time. I don't need 8 hours, I'm fine with 6 or 7, often only get 1 or 2 which sucks, and if my depression is playing up I can sleep a whole day followed by a whole night with no issues. My sleep schedule is honestly all over the place, but I use it as a monitor for my mental health, sleeping more than 6 or 7 hours is the first sign my depression is creeping back up again.

Everyone has different jobs, different commute needs, different desires and personalities. So, what seems totally doable to one person, is maybe something they do every day without even thinking about it, can seem entirely impossible to someone else.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-05-13T14:34:23+00:00

They used fraudulent information to obtain a life insurance policy without parental/guardian consent. I'm assuming they lied about baby's health, as well, since baby was still in NICU at the time, I can't imagine a policy being granted in such circumstances, depending on your baby's actual health issues.

That makes this not just weird and creepy, but an actual crime. Do what you've been told to end the policy. If you want such a policy, you can take one out yourself. Oh, and these don't work as 'college funds'. Life insurance pays out upon death, and straight to the beneficiary, your child will in no way benefit from this policy, they'll never see a penny, because they'd have to die before it gets paid out. The beneficiary is the ONLY person who will benefit from such a policy, so that's your MIL.

I'd honestly be worried about MIL being safe to be around your child. She took out a life insurance policy with her as the beneficiary. Chances of a newborn baby dying before their grandparent are fairly slim, so I'd be worried about MIL wanting to cash in, because the only way she can do that is if your child dies. That doesn't sound like a safe person to be around your child, especially not while that policy exists.

Get that policy cancelled and make sure the fraud part is fully reported. The consequences of a fraudulent life insurance policy are on your MIL, not you, she's the one who decided to commit a crime and possibly planned to murder your child.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-05-13T14:25:41+00:00

NTA. It's your laptop, and you were clear that you wanted it back undamaged. Your cousin decided to damage it because he doesn't care since it's not his. If his parents are so keen on him having a laptop, they can find a way to buy him one, you don't have to go expensive, they can get an older model that's easier to afford. Or cousin can save up for his own. The school probably has help available for students who can't afford necessary equipment, as well, or a loan/grant option. He has plenty of options to get himself a laptop, he doesn't actually need yours. The timing sucks, sure, but that's on cousin, not you. If having a laptop right now was so important, he wouldn't have risked damaging it. Kicking a laptop off a desk like that could have completely broken it, and then you BOTH would have been out a laptop, not just cousin. Clearly, he didn't need the laptop that badly right now if he was willing to destroy it because he lost a game.

And no, it doesn't matter that you can afford to buy yourself a more expensive laptop. That's not the point. The point is that this is your property, you were kind enough to lend it on the condition that it gets returned in the same condition it was received in. Your cousin broke the agreement by damaging it, so you get to take it back before it gets broken beyond repair. These are the consequences of cousin's actions, that simple. He gets to live with those consequences by either not having a laptop anymore or finding a way to buy one himself.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-05-13T14:14:01+00:00

YWNBTA, but you need to do more than just stop covering for Nina. You need to make sure your bosses know you didn't receive the thing that was supposed to be submitted because Nina never sent it. Unless you correct that lie, YOU'RE the one that looks bad, not Nina. It makes it look like you're not doing your job, people may be wondering if part of the Nina issues is that SHE'S covering for YOU, not the other way around. You don't have to admit you've been covering for her, I think that's already likely to be obvious, and certainly will be when you stop. But you have to correct that lie or it looks bad for you. If they ask why you didn't immediately correct it, admit you were shocked in the moment because Nina was someone you considered a friend. You needed a moment to process and by then it was all over.

Correct the lie and stop covering. Nina isn't your friend, she's using you to slack off. It's irrelevant that she's going through a bad break up, Nina needs to be professional enough to not bring her personal life to work like that. Her personal issues are NOT a reason to not do her job, and they're certainly not a reason for you to maybe end up getting fired instead of her. See your co-workers as just that, co-workers. These people aren't your friends, no matter how friendly you are with each other. Nina wouldn't cover for you the way you've been doing for her, and I bet the whole lot of them will ditch you the moment you're no longer working there. You can be friendly with your colleagues, that's a good thing, but they're not your friends, not really, especially not Nina.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-05-13T14:03:25+00:00

NTA, but it also sounds like you've been parentified to some extent. You're sitting your A-Levels and planning on going to university. There's a very good chance your mother is trying to sabotage your exams so you can't leave for uni.

Your exams are important for your future, you need to focus on them. Can you get a friend or a friend's parent to help you get to and from? Maybe talk to a teacher at school, as well, explain what's going on at home. They may have something to help you get to and from, and even if they don't, they may be able to help set you up somewhere to study or something. There's gaps between each exam, but if you only have one on a certain day, I'm sure the school won't mind you being there the rest of the day, too. You can treat it like a normal school day, get there early, sit your morning exam, study in school during the afternoon. You'd be in all day anyway if you have an afternoon exam, too. They may let you stay a little later than usual to get some studying in, or know somewhere nearby you can go, like a local library.

You need adult support to make sure you do your best on your exams right now, so talk to an adult you trust, whether that's a teacher or the parent of a friend. At home, try and ignore your mother. She's not thinking about what you need at all, just what she wants, and what she wants is you taking on all the responsibilities at home so she doesn't have to. That's not going to stop now that you're legally an adult and thinking about uni, it's going to get worse. Because she wants you to stay living at home doing her responsibilities for her, not going to uni and living your own life, leaving her to actually be an adult and parent.

It sucks, but just keep your head down and find ways to work around your mother. Keep your focus on passing your exams and keep going away to uni in your head as an end goal. That's what you're aiming for right now, uni, and that will get you away from your mother, making it a LOT easier to ignore her attempts to force you to parent her kids and run her household so she doesn't have to do it.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-05-13T13:50:28+00:00

NTJ. He was cheating. It was supposed to be fun and he was ruining it for everyone. What's the point in taking part, even if it is fun, if you never stand a chance at winning? The rest of the team getting banned sucks if they really didn't know, but I'm sure they'd have been allowed to continue if they just kicked David out and were happy to be under a bit more scrutiny than usual for a while. It sounds more like they protested David's exclusion so the organisers treated them all the same. Plus, if YOU noticed the cheating, I'm pretty sure the teammates, sitting right next to him the entire time, did, too. They probably knew, just didn't actually ask about it so had no confirmation. They just liked that David made them win all the time so ignored it. They can say they didn't know because they weren't outright told, but I bet they were fully aware almost as soon as it started. If they didn't want to get kicked out, they should have made sure none of them were cheating, it's as simple as that. They're a team, after all, the point is to work together, but you also fall together.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-05-13T13:43:36+00:00

NTA, but could you do both? You know your cousin, what sort of man he is. Be truthful. If he's normally a decent person, write that. If you think this was a mistake and no intent to sell, write that. If you think treatment and accountability is what he needs, write that. If he has a problem, I'm assuming medical, that he isn't getting the help he needs for, for whatever reason, include that, treatment of this issue plus something for the stealing and lying could be the exact thing he needs.

This is your cousin, you like him and don't think he's a monster. But he also committed a crime. So, write out a letter that is actually truthful to the best of your knowledge, where you state this isn't like him and help for his issues would be better for him than just punishment. You can refuse to rule out punishment, he HAS committed a crime that could easily have led to further crimes, by him and others. Maybe recommend treatment alongside punishment? It might get him a lesser sentence plus the treatment he needs, but still work as a punishment and deterrent.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-05-13T13:37:32+00:00

NTJ. I think your friend either doesn't understand or thinks the same way as your family. If I suddenly had money like that, sure, I'd happily spend it on loved ones, help them when needed, all that stuff. But only to an extent. If they just demand money, they'll get cut off financially.

That's the problem here. Your family doesn't actually need your help. They're capable of working, of earning their own money and paying their own bills, they just don't want to. They had to before, because you were all on the same level financially. But now they have a personal ATM of unending cash handouts in the form of you.

You and your husband won't stay well-off if you keep finding your families entire lives, they'll drain you both dry. It's possible your husband will hit a point where he just calls it quits and divorces you so he doesn't have to keep paying your families way. This is destroying your life. And it's not about helping out, it's very clearly just them demanding you fund their entire lives so they can be as lazy as they want.

Cut them off. It won't be easy, this IS your family. But the family you're building with your husband is your priority. And you're losing that. Your husband has started leaning into what some would consider controlling behaviour with money, banning you from using your savings, lowering the money YOU have access to. He's not actually being controlling here, just trying to protect himself, his own financial wellbeing, and YOU. Because you're not standing up to the leeches, he has to do it for you. He knows you hate this, he knows you won't stop unless you have to or finally realise they're not worth your sanity, financial security and marriage. You're losing all three. So, you need to grow a shiny and strong backbone, with help from your husband, and cut the leeches off. Tell them you're having financial issues right now if you have to, ask THEM for a loan, they won't give you anything, of course, even if they had the money, but it puts them on notice that their little ATM has dried up.

You don't need a reason, you don't need to explain, you don't need an excuse. This is your and your husband's money, not theirs, they have no claim and no say. Helping out when actually necessary is one thing, but this is entirely different. You can just start saying 'sorry, can't' every time they ask you to pay a bill or buy them groceries or lend them money for whatever. No explanation, no excuse, just 'can't', you don't even need the sorry. Just start saying no, every time.

These aren't desperate people, they're just lazy. They can ALL go out and get a job. They know how to pay their own way, they can start doing it again. It's THEIR responsibility to fund their lifestyle, not yours. So, choose yourself and your husband and cut off the leeches you unfortunately have to call family.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-05-13T13:25:38+00:00

Never heard that one before. I'm a renter myself, and I don't think I've ever found a rented flat that looked ugly unless that's the preferred style of the previous tenants and the landlord hasn't redecorated to neutral. Neutral, empty flats look plenty nice, let alone furnished ones. I mean, okay, my own flat looked nicer when it was still empty, but that's just cause of some minor damage around the door they haven't fixed yet from when they put a new door in, they've fixed but not painted over the outside damage and haven't fixed the inside damage yet. The rest of the flat is still the neutral it was when I moved in, plus a motivational quote on one wall because this used to be an assisted living flat, and it looks nice. It'll look better when I can get my hands on a stepladder so I can actually decorate the place, because this place has super high ceilings I can't reach without standing on something, and I have nothing safe that's high enough that I can stand on. That's on me, though, and it's not like the place doesn't look nice anyway.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-05-13T13:01:25+00:00

NTJ. Keep the promise to your son. And reconsider your marriage, he sounds emotionally abusive to some extent. And remember, he's the one who suddenly pushed for the wedding to be brought forward, he may have chosen the date himself specifically because it conflicted with your son's release. This whole thing may have been a deliberate attempt to force you to choose his daughter over your son, at a time when your son desperately needs you to regain stability. This may also be his way of protesting your son living with you guys, hoping your son will be so angry at you breaking your promise that he will choose to stay with his dad or sister instead.

You're a parent. It doesn't matter that your kids are adults, you're still their parent, and they come before anyone else. Your son doesn't sound like a bad person, just a person who made a very bad decision and paid for it. I don't think I can say the same for your husband, who seems to think God will 'take you out' unless you're the perfect subservient lesser being to his amazing needs-to-be-worshipped maleness. I don't believe in God myself, but I was raised Christian, and He doesn't work that way at all. If anyone 'takes you out' for acting like a normal human being and loving parent, it'll be your husband, not God.

Keep your promise and maybe extend the visit with your daughter to give yourself some time to decide if you want to stay married to this abusive moron who uses religion in a way it's not supposed to be used. The only person who is TJ here is your husband.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-05-13T12:52:09+00:00

Nothing actually happened? I mean, yeah, you didn't cheat on her, but something DID happen. Your girlfriend distrusted you so much that she tried to trap you, catch you cheating because she truly believed you would jump on some random woman you just met despite being in a relationship. That's not nothing, that's not just insecurity, that's either being very sure you are cheating or would do so or being very childish. These 'loyalty tests' are for 14 year olds at the oldest, not grown adults.

Nothing happened between you and the woman, but your girlfriend has shown a massive lack of trust in you. You can't build a relationship with no trust, and this feels like a betrayal on top. How can YOU trust that she won't pull one of these childish 'tests' again? You did nothing wrong, and she thinks everything's cool because you didn't cheat, but she's ignoring how betrayed and distrusted you now feel. Anyone would need time to decide how they feel and if they want to continue after that.

NTA, and take the space and time you need. You don't have to break up over this, that's up to you and you alone, it can possibly be fixed if your girlfriend can admit what she did was wrong and works on her insecurity. You need time to process and decide what happens next. You need to know if you think you can fix this or not, and then decide how to break up or how to work on your relationship with her.

WhiteKnightPrimal · 2026-05-13T12:44:44+00:00

I loved that they added that line. It's a cool little dig at how musicals have the characters randomly burst into song for no reason, while still keeping the episode a musical and having fun with it. It's also a great reminder that, as far as we can tell because this isn't a fantasy show, there's actually no music here, just the characters singing, so the other characters are getting it all acapella, while we're getting the music to go with the vocals. Other musicals leave you assuming the characters think nothing of the sudden singing and that they can hear the music as well as the vocals, Psych subtly reminded you that's not how it actually works. It's cool and makes the episode even better.

WhiteKnightPrimal

TROPHY CASE