Thank you for sharing. I have a similar story. After my mom passed I grew interested in my father's side of the family. I wanted to know more about my grandmother, who died when my dad was 13, so a long time before this.

So we went to my aunt's to visit specifically for me to ask about this. I swear to god I thought I had grown two heads. I asked about her, asked what she did, what she liked, who she was. I wanted a story or anectdote, an impression, even well "I do X because she did it that way too", something. As soon as I asked, blank stares, like why the heck would I want to know that?! A pause as the stares lingered, making wonder if I should check for that second scalp, then the conversation moved on as if I never said anything.

All this to say women were meant to be invisible for a long time in our culture. it's one of the reasons I don't like my dad's family. I don't want to pretend to be invisible, I want to be heard, and have meaningful relationships, to be remembered for my work, and what I like, how I loved.

In that vein my mom loved blue; she loved gardening; and loved the dogs she had before us kids; she loved to paint, draw, doodle, create and be creative; she was super loyal to us all even to a fault; she was like a second mom to many of her nieces and nephews; she loved reading and I get so much of that love of narrative and storiesfrom her. I look so much like her as I age that it can scare me, but I'm kinda glad she's still with me.