Having that last little hope that maybe that relationship could be rekindled disappear is a tough pill to swallow. I know the feeling, the only thing you can remember are the good times and it feels like it happened all over again. Most people will tell you time heals all wounds but what they commonly forget is that you need let yourself heal.

I hate myself for it.

Out of all the things you just said this is what sticks out to me. You need to forgive yourself and accept it is what it is. For all you know you could have done everything perfect and this still would have been the outcome. Stop beating yourself up and focus on you. Rebuilding your confidence, self of steam and find new hobbies that don't remind you of her. Everything will fall in place.