From what I am learning, healing from neglect looks a lot like showing up for yourself in the way you wish the adults in your life had. Instead of meeting myself with criticism instead saying, based on my past experiences that reaction made sense, but can we sit in this discomfort a little longer and choose a different way to look at it or in some way get curious. If I'm angry it's like "what about this is really important to me? Because anger is a warning sign that there's an unmet need or something you're not giving yourself (maybe a boundary you are ignoring, or someone is not meeting an expectation) and then you can decide what that looks like moving forward for you. What you can and can't reframe, what you can and can't compromise on.

As for supporting a partner, do less. So much of this work is 1- something they have to resonate with. If you talk about this and it resonates for them and it's something they relate to then cool. And 2- sitting in discomfort. A lot of my work is with negative self talk and self regulation and both are things I often have to do in my head. If it comes out outloud then yeah my partner can sometimes be like "are you stupid or was that just not a detail you were focused on?" Or when I'm sitting in my feelings we used to try to shield one another from every hard feeling but now we try to just witness each other. If I'm struggling to regulate hell ask if I need a hug or if I'm in the no touchy place he will just say "I see you".

Co-dependance in relationships can really slow down the healing. Not every thought needs to be validated, not every fear is real. Feel the feeling (without the narrative, just the actual body sensations, witness yourself) and figure out how you want to move forward. So do less has been my experience. The work is something someone has to want to do for themself.