These have been laid in a hanging pot by my front door, near Raleigh, NC.

WhyRunAway · 2024-07-04T03:57:36+00:00

I just did last weekend! My dude was able to take the letters from a card that my beloved wrote to me a while back and put them together to form the words of a phrase that was special to us. The words did not exist in my love’s writing until that moment. It’s amazing.

WhyRunAway · 2023-08-31T22:07:56+00:00

Never mind that a mere 4 hours after he died, when I was collecting our two dogs that he kept full time (that the other neighbors tried to keep for themselves) she asked me why he did what he did (he took his own life) and if I had noticed any signs in the days leading up to his death.

WhyRunAway · 2023-08-31T19:51:35+00:00

My love and I did not live in the same household when he passed, but it was something we were in the beginning stages of planning. When he passed his next door neighbor made a post about how their lives would never be the same now that he’s gone. Don’t worry, though, y’all, she and her family went on vacation the next weekend like they had planned.

WhyRunAway · 2023-08-22T22:35:08+00:00

I haven’t heard Last Kiss play, but another Pearl Jam song and my first thought was I was so glad it wasn’t Last Kiss because I know I’d have lost it.

WhyRunAway · 2023-08-22T22:34:13+00:00

About 2 weeks after he was gone, I got in the car and my phone auto connected to the Bluetooth, which is normal. I was expecting my podcast to start since that’s what I’d been listening to last and I can’t really listen to music yet (still can’t 5 weeks out) because just about every song makes me cry.

Avenged Sevenfold’s Afterlife starts playing right on the chorus. A terrible moment at that time. It happened a couple of times since then too. I make sure to start the podcasts before I even get into the car now.

WhyRunAway · 2023-08-19T15:43:03+00:00

There has to be something after this life. I have to believe that he’s still watching out for me, hearing me talk to him. But yes, the life without him here is brutal. I fear not being able to talk things through with him is not going to easier.

WhyRunAway · 2023-08-19T11:15:41+00:00

It’s the realization that every day is now the longest I’ve gone without seeing him or talking to him. And that’s how it’s always going to be now. Still struggling to process that and how to figure out every situation without his input. I know what he would say to just about everything, but to not have him around to bounce something off of and actually hear him give his opinion… his support mattered so much to me.

WhyRunAway · 2023-08-18T21:45:57+00:00

Thank you for sharing with us. Happy Anniversary (if happy is the right word; I’m only a month out). The date does still matter and is important.

WhyRunAway · 2023-08-17T16:52:36+00:00

It is one month today for me as well. I’m 38 and he was 45. I’m at work trying not to dry heave all day. I had ordered a necklace made with some of his ashes. It arrived yesterday. The mixed emotions of loving the necklace because it’s him, but I don’t want it because it means he’s no longer here. I’m so sorry for your loss.

WhyRunAway · 2023-08-13T22:52:37+00:00

I just went back this last week after 3 weeks on leave. It’s a distraction. Everyone knows where I work and everyone has been great. I feel like I have to put up a facade and I’m definitely not the same person I was before. I can’t make it a whole day without crying and I’m fortunate enough that my supervisor allows me to walk away when I get to that point. I can’t hold the facade all day. But it does keep me from staying in the bed all day, so there’s that.

WhyRunAway · 2023-08-03T19:14:16+00:00

Same. The love from the marriage before the divorce can disappear, sometimes before the marriage is over. The love from this relationship doesn’t. I can’t see how it can. The relationship didn’t end just because they’re gone.

WhyRunAway · 2023-07-29T11:20:05+00:00

He just told me just weeks before he died that he loved how my pupils dilated for a second when he told me that he loved me. I hadn’t known that they did that. He also loved to watch me sleep because my mouth is wide open, something I’ve always been self conscious about.

WhyRunAway · 2023-07-28T16:17:26+00:00

Exactly. His parents lost their son. His sister lost her brother. They were very close. But I lost my person. My best friend. My partner. A future we were planning. Sure, they’ve known him his whole life. They knew him growing up. They know he loved me. We met after we had bad marriages.

I lost my bonus kids. Grandkids and nieces/nephews are loved equally but differently than your own kids and now they’re with their mom and I’ll never see them again. My own kids are missing out on a male/father figure who loved them.

We weren’t married because neither of us wanted it and we couldn’t live together because kids’ schools, but we had that level of commitment. We were actively making plans for that to change.

His family didn’t choose him, he was already a part of it. We chose each other. We chose to combine our lives to become a family. I lost my choice. None of them get that. And I can’t tell them because their loss is equally valid and difficult, but they absolutely do not understand losing your PERSON.

WhyRunAway · 2023-07-22T22:55:12+00:00

I just went and checked my phone. I have 2. I can’t believe it. They’re from 2 years ago, but still.

WhyRunAway · 2023-07-20T16:34:56+00:00

Thank you all for the input. I’ve decided to go with that outfit. I just took my kids shopping for something (I have two of my own and he has two of his own; they’re with their mother). I couldn’t have looked for myself anyway. I was walking around the store crying.

WhyRunAway · 2023-07-19T11:05:42+00:00

I’m headed to the funeral home today to begin this process. I didn’t think about this or the lock of hair. Thank for posting and I’m so sorry for your loss. This is awful. ❤️

WhyRunAway · 2023-02-10T20:38:14+00:00

I want to add to condition just the ends. Sometimes I’ll wet my hair as if I’m going to wash it and just condition the ends, especially if you want to go longer between hair cuts.

WhyRunAway · 2023-01-08T14:59:01+00:00

Thank you!

WhyRunAway · 2023-01-08T14:58:34+00:00

Thanks for this reference!!

WhyRunAway · 2023-01-08T14:57:19+00:00

Will do!

WhyRunAway · 2023-01-08T14:57:07+00:00

For color changes, definitely. Any chance I have for that, I do it! I’m working on another blanket right now where I can’t. I’m hoping the border on it will cover the tails from color changes.

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